The Wedding Dance
The hand that clasps mine is not that of the child I can still remember,but that of the man he has become.From that hand to his face to the smile he beams at me,he is his father in days gone by.We move gracefully across the floor as his young bride looks on.My new daughter.Oh,how the years have passed.It seems I didn't even notice.One day,I held a squalling infant in my exhausted arms and counted tiny pink fingers and toes.The next,I'm no longer the most important woman in his life.
An effortless spin1) and he's taking me across the floor with a flare2) like his father's.I wonder if he's looking down on us at this moment as my son' s eyes sparkle3) with his mischief4).Suddenly,I'm bent back-ward and laughing like a girl half my age,my young rogue leaning over me and guests applauding.He kisses my cheek and spins me upright a gain.The regretful tears of the past threaten my eyes.
No,they are not regretful tears.I have no regrets where this boy--this man--is concerned.He has been,and always will be,my pure joy.Time cannot wipe away the sadness and heartache,but there was never regret.Heartache comes with having children as it does with being alive.If my son is all he wants to be,I have no regrets.
As the music slows,his mood seems to waver.Knowing that if I see any of what I'm feeling in his eyes I will surely cry,I move into his arms and rest my head on his strong shoulder.A hush has descended on the entire room;not even the babies are fussing.The gentle piano guides us around the floor,passed faces that have always been near,and new ones destined for the same.Their smiles bring one to my face as I realize this is not a day for tears.The hand against my back gives me a squeeze.It is a most subtle5) gesture to let me know my new daughter's turn to care for him has come.
It is not a day for tears,but they threaten nonetheless6).I sigh and touch his smooth cheek,seeing the face of a baby,child,teen,and man.Is this day so difficult for all mothers?I can't help wondering.As the music switches with ease to the one he chose to dance to with his bride,I turn and find her shy face with my other hand.I can't speak to either,but I know that my heart is in my eyes as each receives my kiss.
Walking to the edge of the floor,I suddenly realize I do have one regret today.I regret that my husband is not here to hold my hand.
□by Melissa K.Beynon
婚 禮 之 舞
握著我手的這只手不再屬于我記憶中的那個孩子了,他如今已長大成人。不論是他的手、他的臉、還是他的微笑,都令我感到陣陣暖意。隨著時光流逝,他越發(fā)像他的父親了。我倆優(yōu)雅地翩翩起舞,而他年輕的新娘則站在一旁瞧著我們。哦,我有了一個新的女兒。日子過得真快。不知不覺地恍若隔世。那天我還用疲憊的臂膀懷抱一個哇哇啼哭的嬰兒,數著他粉嫩的手指和腳趾;如今,我卻已不再是他生活中最重要的人了。
一個輕松的旋轉,接著他帶我大步舞動起來,就像他父親當年一樣。此時此刻,我兒子的眼里閃動著當年他父親的那份頑皮,我不知他父親是否正注視著我們。猛然,我被攔腰仰面向下折彎,接著我像一個小我一半歲數的女孩兒一樣開懷大笑起來。我的小調皮鬼順勢俯身貼近我,這招來滿堂的喝彩。他在我的面頰上吻了一下,然后猛地又將我扶正。這時,往昔一種遺憾的淚水幾乎要奪眶而出。
不,這不是遺憾的淚水。對這個男孩兒,不,對這位男士,我沒有什么可遺憾的。他一直,也將永遠會是我純粹的快樂。時間洗刷不了悲傷與心酸,但是永遠不會存在后悔。有孩子就會有傷心;就如同活著就會有傷心一樣。假如我的兒子心想事成,我便無怨無悔。
舞曲放慢了節(jié)奏,兒子的情緒似乎也開始搖擺不定。假若在他的眼神中我看到他已看出我此時心中某種感受的話,我會哭出聲的。一想到這里,我情不自禁地把身子投入他的懷中,頭倚著他強壯的肩膀。整個大廳這時一片安靜,即使嬰兒也不再出聲了。輕柔的鋼琴曲帶著我們翩躚于大廳之中。一張張面孔離我們越來越近,隨著又迅速離去。他們的微笑使一張面孔映入我眼中,我同時意識到今天不是哭泣的日子。兒子的手在我的后腰上壓了一下---這一微妙的姿勢暗示著我照顧兒子的任務將從此由我的新女兒接替了。
今天不是哭泣的日子,可卻令我發(fā)慌。我輕嘆了一聲,用手撫摸著他平滑的面頰,我看到了那張臉由嬰兒,到兒童,到少年,再到成人的變化。這一天對所有母親來講是否都是難過的一天?我不禁這樣想到。當音樂慢慢地變成兒子特意為與新娘共舞而挑選的舞曲時,我轉過了身,將另一只手放在了她羞澀的臉上。我對誰也說不出什么,但是當我親吻他倆時,我的眼神傳遞了我的心意。
在走向舞池一角時,我猛然意識到我的確有種遺憾。我是在為自己的丈夫不能在此緊握我的手而遺憾。
NOTE 注釋:
1. spin [spin] n. 旋轉
2. flare [flZE] n. 閃光, 閃耀
3. sparkle [5spB:kl] v. 用眼神表達
4. mischief [5mistFif] n. 惡作劇, 淘氣
5. subtle [5sQtl] adj. 敏感的, 微妙的, 精細的
6. nonetheless [nQnTE5les] =nevertheless adv. 盡管如此;仍然