史鐵生《秋天的懷念》

Fond Memories of Autumn

史鐵生

By Shi Tiesheng

雙腿癱瘓后，我的脾氣變得暴怒無(wú)常。望著望著天上北歸的雁陣，我會(huì)突然把面前的玻璃砸碎;聽(tīng)著聽(tīng)著李谷一甜美的歌聲，我會(huì)猛地把手邊的東西摔向四周的墻壁。母親就悄悄的躲出去，在我看不見(jiàn)的地方偷偷地聽(tīng)著我的動(dòng)靜。當(dāng)一切恢復(fù)沉寂，她又悄悄地進(jìn)來(lái)，眼邊紅紅的，看著我。

When my legs were paralyzed, my temper became out of control. Looking at the wild geese flying back north in the sky, I would suddenly smash the window glass in front of me. Listening to the sweet songs sang by Li Guyi, I would thrust everything in hands into surrounding walls. Mother then hid herself quietly, watching my behavior out of my view secretly. Until everything turned still, she came in again quietly, watching me with her sad eyes.

“聽(tīng)說(shuō)北海的花兒都開(kāi)了，我推著你去走走。”她總是這么說(shuō)。母親喜歡花，可自從我的腿癱瘓后，她侍弄的那些花都死了。

“I’ve heard that all flowers are in blossom in Beihai, let me push you to have a look.” She always (used to say)said that to me. Mother loves flowers, but since my legs broken, the flowers grown by her all withered.

“不，我不去!”我狠命地捶打著兩條可恨的腿，喊著，“我活著有什么勁!”母親撲過(guò)來(lái)抓住我的手，忍住哭聲說(shuō):“咱娘兒倆在一塊兒，好好兒活，好好兒活……”

“No, I don’t want to go.” I beat my cursed legs desperately, shouting, “What I am still living for?” Mother rushed to grasp my hands, inhibiting crying,(saying between subdued sobs) “We two are together and live a good life, live a happy life…”

可我卻一直都不知道，她的病已經(jīng)到了那步田地。后來(lái)妹妹告訴我，她常常肝疼得整宿整宿翻來(lái)覆去地睡不了覺(jué)。

I never aware that her illness cannot became even worse. Afterwards, Sister told me, Mother often could not fall asleep for the whole night for her liver aching seriously( with pains in liver).

那天我又獨(dú)自坐在屋里，看著窗外的樹(shù)葉唰唰啦啦的飄落。母親進(jìn)來(lái)了，擋在窗前：“北海的菊花開(kāi)了，我推著你去看看吧。”她憔悴的臉上現(xiàn)出央求般的神色。

Another day, I stayed at home alone again, witnessing outer leaves following(watching the rustling fall of autumn leaves through the windows). Then, Mother came in, standing at the window, “The chrysanthemums in Beihai are blossoming. Let me take you there for a visit.” The pleading look showed on her haggard face.

“什么時(shí)候?”“你要是愿意，就明天?”她說(shuō)。我的回答已經(jīng)讓她喜出望外了。“好吧，就明天。”我說(shuō)。她高興得一會(huì)兒坐，一會(huì)站起：“那就趕緊準(zhǔn)備準(zhǔn)備。”

“When?” “If you’d like, tomorrow is ok?” She felt surprised and excited. “Ok, just tomorrow.” She turned so delighted that she didn’t know whether to sit or stand. “Let’s prepare at once.”

“誒呀，煩不煩?幾步路，有什么好準(zhǔn)備的!”她也笑了，坐在我身邊，絮絮叨叨地說(shuō)著：“看完菊花，咱們就去‘仿膳’，你小時(shí)候最?lèi)?ài)吃那兒得豌豆黃兒。還記得那回我?guī)闳ケ焙?你偏說(shuō)那楊樹(shù)花是毛毛蟲(chóng)，跑著，一腳踩扁一個(gè)……”她忽然不說(shuō)了。對(duì)于“跑”和“踩”一類(lèi)的字眼兒，她比我還敏感。她又悄悄地出去了。

“Oh, what a bore! It’s very near, and do we need to get ready?” We both burst into laughing and she sat beside me, murmuring, “Afterwards, we’ll go to Fang Shan Restaurant. When you were young, you liked puree peas best. Do you still remember our last tour to Beihai? You insisted that the poplar flowers be worms and ran to stamp on them one by one…” Suddenly, she broke off. She was more sensitive to words like “run” and “stamp” than I was.

她出去了，就再也沒(méi)回來(lái)。

She came out , but never returned.

鄰居們把她抬上車(chē)時(shí)，她還在大口大口地吐著鮮血。我沒(méi)想到她已經(jīng)病成那樣?？粗嗆?chē)遠(yuǎn)去，也絕沒(méi)有想到那竟是永遠(yuǎn)的訣別。

She was still vomiting blood when neighbors carried her onto cart. I never thought she was so seriously ill. I never thought that was the eternal departure, watching the three-wheel leaving far and far.

鄰居的小伙子背著我去看她的時(shí)候，她正艱難地呼吸著，像她那一生艱難的生活。別人告訴我，她昏迷前的最后一句話(huà)是:“我那個(gè)有病的兒子和我那個(gè)還未成年的女兒……”

The young man next door carried me on his back to see her. She was striving to grasp her last breath, just like her entire hard life. I was told that her last words were: “I have a paralyzed son and an unmarried daughter.”

又是秋天，妹妹推我去北?？戳司栈?。黃色的花淡雅，白色的花高潔，紫紅色的花熱烈而深沉，潑潑灑灑，秋風(fēng)中正開(kāi)得爛漫。我懂得母親沒(méi)有說(shuō)完的話(huà)。妹妹也懂。我倆在一塊兒，要好好生活……

It’s autumn again, Sister wheeled me to Beihai to see the chrysanthemums. The yellow ones showed simple and elegant; the white ones, pure and noble; the purple ones, warm and deep; all were in full blossom in the autumn breeze. I totally understand Mother’s unfinished words. So does Sister. We both live together for a happy life…