The Major Qualities Making up Emotional Intelligence
Psychological experts agree that IQ contributes only about 20 percent of the factors that determine success. A full 80 percent comes from other factors, including what I call emotional intelligence. The following are some of the major qualities that make up emotional intelligence, and how they can be developed:
1. Self-awareness(自我意識(shí)).
The ability to recognize a feeling as it happens is the foundation of emotional intelligence. People with greater knowledge of their emotions are better pilots of their lives. Developing self-awareness requires tuning in to what emotions make our bodies feel like — literally, gut feelings(直覺(jué)). Gut feelings can occur without a person being consciously aware of them. For example, when people who fear snakes are shown a picture of a snake, monitors attached to their skin will detect sweat, a sign of anxiety, even though the people say they do not feel fear.
Through deliberate effort we can become more aware of our gut feelings. Take someone who is annoyed by an encounter for hours after it occurred. He may be unaware of his irritability and surprised when someone calls attention to it. But if he evaluates his feelings, he can change them.
2. Mood Management.
Bad as well as good moods add flavor to life and build character. The key is balance.
Of all the moods that people want to escape, rage seems to be the hardest to deal with. What should you do to relieve rage? One myth is that voicing your rage will make you feel better. In fact, researchers have found that's one of the worst strategies. Explosions of rage pump up the brain's arousal system, leaving you more angry, not less. A more effective technique is "reframing", which means consciously reinterpreting a situation in a more positive light.
3. Self-motivation.
Positive motivation — the gathering of feelings of enthusiasm, energy and confidence — is vital for achievement. Studies of Olympic athletes, world-class musicians and chess masters show that their common trait is the ability to motivate themselves to pursue harsh training routines.
To motivate yourself for any achievement requires clear goals and an optimistic, can-do attitude. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania advised the Metlife insurance company to hire a special group of job applicants who tested high on optimism, although they had failed the normal aptitude (才能) test. Compared with salesmen who passed the aptitude test but scored high in pessimism, this group made 21 percent more sales in their first year and 57 percent more in their second.
4. Impulse Control.
The core of emotional self-regulation is the ability to delay an immediate reward in the service of a goal. The importance of this trait to success was shown in an experiment begun in the 1960s by Walter Mischel at a preschool on the Stanford University campus. Children were told that they could have a single treat, such as a piece of candy, right now. However, if they would wait while the experimenter ran an errand, they would have two pieces of candy. Some preschoolers grabbed the treat immediately, but others were able to wait what, for them, must have seemed an endless 20 minutes.
The interesting part of this experiment came in later years. The children who as four-year-olds had been able to wait for the two pieces of candy were, as teenagers, still able to delay pleasure in pursuing their goals. They were more socially competent and self-confident, and better able to cope with life's frustrations. In contrast, the kids who grabbed the one piece of candy were, as teenagers, more likely to be inflexible, unable to make decisions and stressed.
The ability to resist temptation can be developed through practice. When you're faced with an immediate temptation, remind yourself of your long-term goals — whether they be losing weight or getting a medical degree. You'll find it easier, then, to keep from settling for the single piece of candy.
5. People Skills.
The capacity to know how another feels is important on the job, in romance and friendship, and in the family. The importance of good people skills was demonstrated by Robert Kelley of Carnegie-Mellon University and Janet Caplan in a study at Bell Labs. The labs are staffed by engineers and scientists who are all people of great intelligence. But some still emerged as stars, while others were never very successful.
What accounted for the difference? The top performers had a network containing a wide range of people. When a non-star encountered a technical problem, Kelley observed, "he called various technical experts and then waited, wasting time while his calls went unreturned. Star performers rarely faced such situations because they built reliable networks before they needed them. So when the stars called someone, they almost always got a faster answer." No matter what their I Q, once again it was emotional intelligence that separated the stars from the average performers.
構(gòu)成情感智能的主要因素
心理學(xué)專(zhuān)家一致認(rèn)為決定成功的因素中智商只占了大約20%, 而其他因素占了整整80%,包括我所說(shuō)的情感智能。 下面談?wù)剺?gòu)成情感智能的一些主要素質(zhì),以及如何來(lái)培養(yǎng)這些素質(zhì)。
1.自我意識(shí)
能夠在一種感覺(jué)產(chǎn)生的同時(shí)確認(rèn)它,這一能力是情感智力的基礎(chǔ)。 能較大程度地認(rèn)識(shí)自己的感情,這樣的人能更好地把握自己的人生。 自我意識(shí)的培養(yǎng)要求能注意到什么樣的感情會(huì)使自己想做某事--確切地說(shuō),就是直覺(jué)。 有時(shí)人們產(chǎn)生了直覺(jué)卻沒(méi)有意識(shí)到。 例如,當(dāng)怕蛇的人看到蛇的畫(huà)面時(shí),在他們體表上安放的監(jiān)控器會(huì)測(cè)到排汗,這是焦慮的跡象,即使他們說(shuō)自己并未感到害怕。
通過(guò)有意識(shí)的努力我們可以更好地意識(shí)到自己的直覺(jué)。 舉個(gè)例子,某一遭遇使人過(guò)后幾小時(shí)都一直悶悶不樂(lè)。 此人可能并未意識(shí)到自己的不快,如果有人提醒這一點(diǎn),他還會(huì)感到吃驚。 但如果他能確認(rèn)一下自己的感覺(jué),他就能改變這種狀況。
2.情緒控制
壞情緒和好情緒都給我們的生活增添了風(fēng)味,也構(gòu)成了我們的性格,關(guān)鍵是要平衡。
在所有人們想要避免的情緒中,怒氣似乎最難處理。 該怎樣來(lái)緩解怒氣呢? 一種說(shuō)法是把憤怒說(shuō)出來(lái)會(huì)使人好受些。 實(shí)際上,研究人員發(fā)現(xiàn)那樣做是一個(gè)很糟糕的辦法。 怒氣的爆發(fā)激起了大腦的興奮系統(tǒng),使人更加憤怒,而不是相反。 較為有效的辦法是"重新建構(gòu)",就是說(shuō)有意識(shí)地以更積極的眼光來(lái)重新審度局面。
3.自我激勵(lì)
積極的動(dòng)機(jī),即積聚起高漲的熱情、旺盛的精力和充分的信心,這對(duì)獲得成就至關(guān)重要。 對(duì)奧運(yùn)選手、世界級(jí)的音樂(lè)家和國(guó)際象棋大師的研究表明,他們的共同特點(diǎn)就是具有促使自己堅(jiān)持艱苦的日常訓(xùn)練的能力。
要激勵(lì)自己獲得成就需要有明確的目標(biāo),以及一種樂(lè)觀的、"我能行"的態(tài)度。 賓夕法尼亞大學(xué)的馬丁·塞利格曼建議梅特萊夫保險(xiǎn)公司雇用一批特別的求職者,他們經(jīng)測(cè)試證實(shí)有很樂(lè)觀的心態(tài),雖然在一般能力測(cè)驗(yàn)上不及格。 與另一些通過(guò)了能力測(cè)試但具有悲觀心態(tài)的推銷(xiāo)員相比,這些人第一年的銷(xiāo)售就超出了21%,而第二年更超出了57%。
4.克制沖動(dòng)
自我調(diào)節(jié)情感的核心就是有能力做到為了某一目的而推遲近在眼前的利益。 有一個(gè)實(shí)驗(yàn)說(shuō)明了這一特性對(duì)成功的重要意義。實(shí)驗(yàn)是20世紀(jì)60年代由沃爾特·米歇爾在斯坦福大學(xué)校園內(nèi)的一所幼兒園里做的。 他們告訴孩子們可以馬上吃到一樣?xùn)|西,比如一塊糖。 但是如果孩子們能等到實(shí)驗(yàn)人員出去辦點(diǎn)事回來(lái),他們就可以吃到兩塊糖。 一些孩子抓過(guò)糖來(lái)一口吃了,但另一些孩子卻能夠等待對(duì)他們來(lái)說(shuō)肯定是漫長(zhǎng)的20分鐘。
多年以后,這一實(shí)驗(yàn)的引人之處出現(xiàn)了。 那些四歲時(shí)能夠等到兩塊糖的孩子們,到了十幾歲時(shí)仍能夠?yàn)榱怂麄兊哪繕?biāo)而推遲某種樂(lè)趣。 他們的社會(huì)生活能力更強(qiáng),也更有自信心,能更好地應(yīng)付生活中的各種挫折。 相反,那些當(dāng)初迫不及待地吃了第一塊糖的孩子到了十幾歲時(shí)更有可能表現(xiàn)得缺乏靈活性,難以作決定,容易緊張。
抗拒誘惑的能力也可以通過(guò)練習(xí)來(lái)培養(yǎng)。 面臨著唾手可得的誘惑,提醒自己別忘了自己的長(zhǎng)遠(yuǎn)目標(biāo)--不管它是什么,減肥也好,拿醫(yī)學(xué)學(xué)位也好。 那樣,你就不會(huì)輕易滿足于只吃一塊糖了。
5.與人交往的能力
知道他人如何感受的能力在工作中、在愛(ài)情與友情中和在家庭生活中都是很重要的。 卡內(nèi)基-梅隆大學(xué)的羅伯特·凱利和珍妮特·卡普蘭在貝爾實(shí)驗(yàn)室的一個(gè)研究說(shuō)明了良好的交往能力的重要性。 在實(shí)驗(yàn)室工作的工程師、科學(xué)家們都是才智很高的人, 但是其中一些仍能夠脫穎而出,而另一些則一直成就平平。
是什么造成了這種差距? 表現(xiàn)出色者都有廣泛的人際交往關(guān)系。 凱利評(píng)論說(shuō),一個(gè)成就平平的人碰到技術(shù)問(wèn)題時(shí),"他向各位技術(shù)專(zhuān)家求助,然后就等待著。求助無(wú)果,他的時(shí)間就這么浪費(fèi)了。 而那些杰出人物很少碰到這樣的局面,因?yàn)樗麄冊(cè)缫延辛丝煽康娜穗H交往關(guān)系。 因此當(dāng)杰出人物與某人聯(lián)絡(luò)時(shí),總會(huì)很快得到回答。" 不論他們的智商有多高,還是情感智能使得杰出人物有別于表現(xiàn)平庸者。