| 91 |
| Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a |
| funeral procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops |
| mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in |
| contemplation. |
| His opponent comments: "That must be the most |
| touching thing I’ve ever seen. You are a very feeling man." The man, |
| recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years." |
| 92 |
| Doctor: Your test results are showing you'll easily live to be 80. |
| Patient: But, wait, I am 80 just now. |
| Doctor: See, I told you to |
| live healthier! |
| 93 |
| A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach. |
| “That won’t help you, Joe, you know?” |
| “Oh it helps a lot,” says |
| the man, “it’s the only way I can see the numbers!” |
| 94 |
| Today I found my first grey pubic hair. I got really excited, but not as |
| much as the other people in the lift. |
| 95 |
| Dentist: “This will hurt a little.” |
| Patient: “OK.” |
| Dentist: |
| “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.” |
| 96 |
| Why do you see so few black people on ocean cruises? |
| - |
| Well, |
| they're not going to fall for that one again. |
| 97 |
| Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I’d still feel a lot more |
| comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike. |
| 98 |
| One state official to the other: "I don't know what people have against |
| us - We haven't done anything." |
| 99 |
| Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens |
| the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking |
| from under the blanket! |
| Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the |
| baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops. |
| Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, |
| she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. |
| "Oh welcome home |
| darling," he says, "my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our |
| bedroom. I hope you said hello." |
| 100 |
| Don’t be sad when a bird craps on your head. Be happy that dogs can’t fly. |
