因?yàn)槊看挝铱匆娔愕哪樉颓椴蛔越厥B(tài)這女的很棒是啊,歌詞押韻我以前倒沒想過我喜歡她為什么?因?yàn)樗龝?huì)唱歌彈吉他,還可邊彈邊唱嗎?這正是我對(duì)表演藝人的期待看,你忌妒得要命拜托,菲比你們倆的風(fēng)格完全不同她比較…你知道而你比較…說你會(huì)留在我身邊看到?jīng)]?大家都很高興她唱完了好,我接下來要唱的是…菲比,我該怎么說?我很懷念當(dāng)初…我們一起唱歌的日子我不該那樣離開你的就是那種別有深意的歌嘿,菲比嘿,萊絲莉你怎么知道我會(huì)在這里?我在賣大魚的地方看到佛拉德她說你常在這里玩,所以…我要上洗手間如果你們又談到“大魚”我想知道是好幾條大魚還是一條大魚而已菲比說你寫廣告歌我是說她拋棄我去寫廣告歌有沒有我們聽過的?家永遠(yuǎn)不遠(yuǎn)回家的感覺就是家星燉品但我已經(jīng)不寫了我有點(diǎn)厭倦了再說我也寫不出好東西所以被炒魷魚了太可惜了你知道,我只是…我只是想或許…也許你愿意跟我再度合作不了,不過,謝謝你拜托,菲比你考慮一下好嗎?不了,不過,謝謝你再見,菲比你好狠心你們都要記住一旦背叛我我就成了冷血的女人我是鐵石心腸,絕不心軟任何東西都無法穿透我這冰冷的外衣給我一張面紙好嗎?里面有人嗎?我是在玩比大膽的游戲叫做“等到最后一刻然后暴斃而死”老天,你跌倒…嗨你…是興奮過度嗎?女廁所有人,我等不及了不過我?guī)湍惆疡R桶蓋掀起來了這樣吧,甘瑟,你先我要跟這位…這時(shí)候你要報(bào)上你的名字金吉兒金吉兒我在跟甘瑟說話,所以…你不必上廁所嗎?不,我只是…我寧可跟你聊天是的對(duì),我再不上就不行了里面有人錢德在哪里?他不能去了他說他要回去上班…喬伊?喬伊崔此亞尼?我看得到你,好嗎?你藏在外套后面差點(diǎn)就被逮到了嗨嗨,甜心哈羅嘿,羅斯我有壞消息什么壞消息我可以去吃飯但飯后要回來加班拜托,你已經(jīng)連續(xù)加班兩星期了這次又有什么事?是我不好,我今天辭職了但工作重要但可惜你要走了出了什么事出了什么事?精力耗盡了精力耗盡了是嗎?他另有高就太好了,我想那就再見了再見好吧我們會(huì)想你的我也是星期六見沒問題這是一種印度點(diǎn)心是萊絲莉呼叫我看我們能不能復(fù)合她已經(jīng)打了二十次了祝你好運(yùn),萊絲莉她一定把你傷得很重是啊,我們是最好的朋友我們從小就是好朋友我們的母親是游艇上的同事你們兩個(gè)在游艇上跑來跑去一定很可愛游艇上不能跑來跑去錢德在嗎?他在咖啡廳認(rèn)識(shí)一個(gè)女的金吉兒什么的你確定不是金吉兒的諧音而已像金潔兒什么的?不,是金吉兒我之所以記得是因?yàn)樗嬖V我的時(shí)候,我說 “電影明星”老天我就是在躲這個(gè)女的要是知道他是我室友一定會(huì)把我抖出來你做了什么事?不,我不能…我不能跟你說我從沒做過這么過份的事別告訴我們等錢德回家再說,那樣更好玩大概是四年前金吉兒和我約了幾次會(huì)有一個(gè)周末…我們到她爸爸的渡假木屋只有我們兩個(gè)人和她討厭的小狗椒椒那天晚上我做了一頓燭光晚餐…你給她下毒我才想呢晚飯后,我們兩個(gè)和椒椒在爐火前面睡著了我在半夜醒來,看到火快熄了就拿起一條木柴丟進(jìn)去至少我以為那是一條木柴我的天,你把椒椒丟進(jìn)火里了我才想呢我應(yīng)該告訴你們,金吉兒…她其實(shí)…裝了義肢我的天你把她的腿丟進(jìn)火里之后怎么辦?我落跑了這是我這一生最美好的吻至少凌駕我在男廁所遇到的其它人我也是腳踩進(jìn)水坑里了要命,我最討厭這樣你得把鞋子脫掉不用緊張不,真的,你會(huì)凍壞的我不會(huì)你不會(huì),你有仿生電子腳?也許有一天會(huì)吧這本書很好笑嗎?我只是在想我今天聽到的一句很有意思的話馬克說“星期六見”對(duì),我們要去演講我上星期就告訴你了你說你不介意我不是介意那場(chǎng)演講拜托,你不是因?yàn)槲乙R克去吧?這個(gè)嘛我的天對(duì)不起不過你們已經(jīng)不是同事了為什么還要混在一起因?yàn)樗俏遗笥训阏娴男枰獎(jiǎng)e的“朋友”嗎?如果我不跟喬伊和錢德玩可以跟馬克玩嗎?這好笑嗎?我應(yīng)該笑嗎?我不知道,你覺得“星期六見”很好笑馬克也是時(shí)裝業(yè)的我喜歡有個(gè)朋友跟我分享你們這些男生不肯跟我去聽演講我很愿意跟你去真的?我有衣服還是我自己挑的告訴你,我可以當(dāng)個(gè)時(shí)裝…攤販我很希望你陪我去怎么了?我該穿什么衣服?這下我好緊張你知道,人家說“有人看的鍋?zhàn)硬粫?huì)叫”已經(jīng)幾個(gè)小時(shí)了…她還沒打不是說我在乎,我不在乎你干脆打電話給她吧看你就知道你很想打你自以為很了解我你不想打嗎?所以我是很了解你我就是這么說的怎么樣?我辦不到我辦不到,她拋棄了我我完全相信她然后突然有一天 “好,再見,菲比”一去不回你知道最叫人難過的是什么嗎?我們?cè)谝黄鸨硌莸臅r(shí)候,是我…永生永世最快樂的時(shí)光了我最愛的鞋子,好好穿我每天非穿不可鞋底塌了,腳趾開口不在乎別人怎么說我雙腳的知音穿著這雙鞋我就是性感小辣妹不過有一天晚上天色灰暗我踩到黏黏的東西黏黏的鞋子,黏黏的鞋子永遠(yuǎn)讓我破涕為笑黏黏的鞋子,黏黏的鞋子下次我要…躲開……泥巴堆我們開始看到許多層的謎織布料和顏色例如,一件謎織的海軍藍(lán)襯衫搭配一件…我很高興我們來聽演講你好美我愛你臭臭貓,臭臭貓他們拿什么給你吃?臭臭貓,臭臭貓這不是你的錯(cuò)太棒了這首歌可以拿去賣非常適合用來…促銷貓沙廣告歌?有何不可?可以賺大錢如果我是為了賺錢早就是百萬富翁了你得把廣告歌這種事給忘了你說得對(duì)…對(duì)不起沒關(guān)系我現(xiàn)在要唱一首非常哀傷的歌叫做“魔術(shù)箱搞混了”特大號(hào)的手鐲,特大號(hào)的耳環(huán)一般來說,特大號(hào)的配件是今年的主流可以借我嗎?我的牛奶壞了我不喜歡這樣我以前很喜歡跟人家對(duì)分所以偷了人家的車來開你跟金吉兒的約會(huì)怎么樣了?太棒了很棒,她她很棒,長(zhǎng)得漂亮性情好,無可挑剔看樣子她很…完整喬伊跟你說過那條腿的事了?嚇?biāo)牢伊瞬粦?yīng)該這樣才對(duì),但這是真的我喜歡她,想跟她交往下去不過我忍不住… “你的腿呢?”我是全世界最渺小的人,是吧我是全世界最渺小的人早安其實(shí)他才是全世界最渺小的人聽過火燒腿的事了吧她提過我知道機(jī)會(huì)渺茫,可是…她覺得這件事好笑嗎?我是打了一下瞌睡打瞌睡?羅斯,你還打呼我爸爸的船撞上巖石的時(shí)候都沒有這么大聲拜托,45分鐘那個(gè)人講了45分鐘的露背吊帶裙好,那在冰冷的博物館禮堂坐上四個(gè)小時(shí)…聽皮茲坦教授說… “記得這東西是億萬年前死的嗎?” “我們過去不知道它有這塊小骨頭”首先,那是皮坦教授其次,那塊小骨頭證明了…那只恐龍有翅膀,可是不會(huì)飛好,你知道我聽到的是什么嗎?一億人跑去看一部以我的工作為主題的電影我不知道有多少人會(huì)去看部叫“侏羅紀(jì)公園”的電影那實(shí)在是…一群抓狂的瘋子控制整個(gè)小島如果我的工作這么愚蠢你干嘛堅(jiān)持今天早上要陪我去這樣我就不會(huì)跟馬克去嗎?我想跟你在一起我不知道,我最近覺得…你離我越來越遠(yuǎn)…你有了新工作,認(rèn)識(shí)了新朋友你的人生多采多姿我知道這很愚蠢但我痛恨不能參與你的生活這并不愚蠢但也許你不參與也不要緊你懂我的意思嗎?我是說…我不希望你參與我在這方面的生活這樣就清楚一點(diǎn)了你看,這不表示我不愛你因?yàn)槲沂菒勰愕奈曳浅勰阄要?dú)立自主、努力投人這很可怕,但我很過癮因?yàn)檫@是屬于我的但我是說,這樣可以吧?當(dāng)然你在想我的腿其實(shí)我已經(jīng)忘了那是怎么回事?聽我說,如果你介意也不要緊我只需要知道你介意到什么程度因?yàn)槲也幌矚g浪費(fèi)時(shí)間我在浪費(fèi)時(shí)間嗎?不,我想沒有這也沒什么只要習(xí)慣就好了那是什么?那是我的“結(jié)結(jié)”結(jié)結(jié)是什么?就好像是第三個(gè)乳頭你有三個(gè)乳頭?有兩個(gè)正常的…還有一個(gè)算不上是…什么?沒什么,我…我想起來了,我該走了你要走?現(xiàn)在…?為什么?結(jié)結(jié),不,沒什么這樣吧,再連絡(luò)我還以為你不來了你到哪里去了過來……不要生氣,好嗎?不要讓我生氣,好嗎?我把“臭臭貓”唱給舊廣告公司聽,他們愛死了我說過我不要你拿去賣你這個(gè)大肥貓還是做了我想五年前我恐怕會(huì)不計(jì)一切…只求能跟你一起表演但我自己還是可以唱如果我不能信任你,就拆伙吧我不想拆伙這樣吧,你必須做個(gè)選擇如果你覺得世界上最重要的…是抄襲我的歌那“臭臭貓”就送給你但我們以后再也不是搭檔你決定怎么樣?臭臭貓,臭臭貓貓沙箱有臭味?不要換你的貓換你的貓沙這不是你的錯(cuò)對(duì)不起,菲比你沒事吧?我沒事因?yàn)樯袝?huì)發(fā)生各種遭遇得到教訓(xùn)以后,希望可以成長(zhǎng)要聽新歌嗎?太好了廣告婊子又來搞我去死吧,廣告婊子去死吧……我只寫了這么多哈羅你到哪里去了?醫(yī)院一切都順利吧?只是動(dòng)了結(jié)結(jié)切除術(shù)兩個(gè)乳頭,說做就做跟瑞秋在高中的時(shí)候一樣什么?拜托,我是開玩笑的一聽就知道是個(gè)笑話的確一聽就是個(gè)笑話可是我沒聽出來,為什么?我才華的來源老天,我做了什么事?
The One With Phoebe Ex-Partner
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang, except Rachel, is watching a new singer.]
Singer: (singing) ause every time I see your face, I can help but fall from grace. I know.....
Joey: Wow! This girl is good.
Phoebe: Oh-ho yeah! A song with rhyming words. Oo, I never thought of that before.
Chandler: I like her.
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Why? Because she can sing and play guitar and do both at the same time?
Chandler: Well, that抯 pretty much all I抦 looking for from these people.
Monica: (to Phoebe) Look at you. All jealous.
Ross: Yeah Pheebs, come on, you two have completely different styles. Y'know, she抯 more..(shakes his shoulders, like he抯 dancing) y'know, and you抮e more (sees the look from Phoebe and stops)
Singer: (singing) beside meeeee-eeee-ee. (everyone applauds her).
Phoebe: Okay, see, see, everyone else is happy she抯 done.
Singer: Okay, my next song抯 called: Phoebe Buffay, What Can I Say. I Really Loved When We Were Singing Partners, And I Shouldn抰 Have Left You That Way.
(The gang all looks at Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Oh no, one of those 憀ook for the hidden meaning?songs.
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Central Perk, later.]
Singer: Hey Phoebe.
Phoebe: Hey Leslie, how抎 you know I抎 be here?
Leslie: I ran into Vlad at the place where they sell the big fish, and he said you played here a lot, so umm....
Chandler: (to Ross) All right listen, I have to go to the bathroom, but if the place with the big fish comes up again. I抎 like know whether that抯 several big fish or just one big fish.
Joey: (to Leslie) So ah, Phoebe tells us you write jingles.
Phoebe: Actually I said she abandoned me to write jingles.
Joey: (to Leslie) Ah, anything we might of heard of?
Leslie: Ah, yeah, umm. (singing) Home is never far away..
Monica, Ross, and Joey: (joining in) Home is Home Star stew.
Leslie: Yeah, but, I don抰 do that anymore. I got kinda sick of it, and then I couldn抰 come up with anything good, so they fired me.
Phoebe: Hmm, bummer.
Leslie: Well, I y'know, I was just, umm, I was just thinking and hoping, that umm, maybe you抎 want to get back together?
Phoebe: No. But thanks.
Leslie: Aw come on Phoebe would you just think about it?
Phoebe: Okay. No. But thanks.
Leslie: Okay, ah, see ya Pheebs. (leaves)
Joey: (to Phoebe) Wow, that was kinda brutal.
Phoebe: Well okay, let this be a lesson to all of you, all right. Once you, once you betray me, I become like the ice woman, y択now. Very cold, hard, unyielding, y'know nothing, nothing can penetrate this icy exterior. (to Monica) Can I have a tissue, please?
Monica: Yeah, sure.
[Scene: Outside the bathroom, Chandler is pacing back and fourth, waiting is use it.]
Gunther: (to Chandler) Someone in there?
Chandler: No. This is just part of a dare devil game that I play called 憌ait until the last moment before I burst and die.?br>
(The door opens.)
Chandler: Jeez, man did you fall..(sees it抯 a beautiful woman coming out of the men抯 room) Hi! So ah, did ya, did-did-did ya fall high?
Woman: Someone was in the lady's room, I couldn抰 wait. I left the lid up for ya though.
(Gunther walks up)
Chandler: (to Gunther) Y'know what Gunther, go ah, go ahead, I抦-I抦 talking to ah, (tries to get her to say her name). (to her) This is the part where you say your name.
Woman: Ginger.
Chandler: Ginger. I抦 talking to Ginger, so....
Ginger: Don抰 you have to use the bathroom?
Chandler: Nope, nope, I抎 just ah, I抎 rather talk to you. (pause) Yes, I do. Yes, I do have to go to the bathroom. (knocks on the door)
Gunther: Someone in here.
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang抯 putting their coats on to leave.]
Phoebe: Where抯 Chandler?
Joey: Ah, he can抰 make it, he said he had to his... (sees Ginger) Whoa-oh! (hides behind the coat rack.)
Ginger: Joey? Joey Tribbiani?
(She walks over behind the coat rack, but Joey picks it up and moves it so that he抯 still behind it, and she can抰 see him.)
Ginger: Joey I can see you okay? You抮e hiding behind the coats.
(Joey puts his finger over his mouth to tell Ross to keep quiet. Ginger looks at Monica who looks away and leave.)
Joey: Phew, close one.
[Scene: Rachel抯 office, Mark is packing his stuff into a box.]
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: Hi, sweetie!
Ross: Hello.
Mark: Hi, Ross.
Ross: Yeah, huh.
Rachel: I抳e got some bad news.
Ross: What?
Rachel: I can get a quick bite to eat, but then I have to come back up here.
Ross: Come on sweetie! You抳e had to work late every night for the past two weeks, what is it this time?
Mark: Actually, it抯 kinda my fault. I-I quit today.
Ross: (to Rachel) But work comes first! (to Mark) Oh hey, but that抯 sad about you though, what happened? Burn out? Burn all out, did ya?
Rachel: Nooo, he抯 leaving for a better job.
Ross: Oh well that抯 great, so I guess this is ah, this is good bye then. Huh? (picks a pad up off Rachel抯 desk and tosses it into his box) Good bye.
Mark: Okay, then.
Ross: Okay.
Rachel: Well we抮e gonna miss you around here.
Mark: Yeah, me too.
(Rachel goes to hug him but Ross is holding one of her hands and doesn抰 let go, so she can only put one arm around him.)
Mark: So, see ya on Saturday.
Rachel: Yeah, you bet.
(Ross is shocked, but Rachel drags him out of the office.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are playing with a Ouija board, Phoebe抯 beeper goes off and Monica screams.]
Phoebe: Oh. (takes her beeper puts in a pot, covers it, and puts the pot in the oven)
Monica: Y'know those are a delicacy in India.
Phoebe: Yeah, that was Leslie calling again to see if we can get back together. That抯 the twentieth time today! And good luck Leslie!
Monica: Wow, she must have hurt you pretty bad, huh?
Phoebe: Well, yeah. Y'know, we were best friends, ever since we were little, our Moms worked on the barge together.
Monica: Oh, you two must have been so cute running around on a barge.
Phoebe: You never run on a barge!
Joey: (entering) Hey.
Phoebe and Monica: Hey.
Joey: Is ah, is Chandler around?
Monica: No, umm, he met some girl at the coffee house.
Joey: Oooh.
Monica: Yeah, Ginger something.
Joey: Nooo. No, no, ah, are you sure it wasn抰 something that sounded like Ginger, like ah, Gingeer?
Monica: No, it was Ginger. I remember, because when he told me, I said, (singing) 憈he movie star.?br>
Joey: Aww, man. That抯 the girl I was hiding from. When she finds out he抯 my roommate, she抯 gonna tell him what I did.
Monica: Well, what did you do?
Joey: What, oh, oh, oh, no, no, I can抰, I can抰 tell you that, it抯 like the most awful, horrible thing I抳e ever done my whole life.
Monica: Y'know what, don抰 tell us. We抣l just wait until Chandler gets home, (to Phoebe) because it抣l be more fun that way.
Joey: All right!! Okay, it was like four years ago. Okay, Ginger and I had gone out a few times, and then this one weekend, we went up to her Dad抯 cabin. Just me, her, and her annoying little dog Pepper. Well that night, I cooked this really romantic dinner....
Monica: You gave her food poisoning!?
Joey: I wish. No. After dinner, me, her, and Pepper all fell asleep in front of the fire. Well I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw that the fire was dying out. So, I picked up a log and threw it on. Or, at least what I thought was a log.
Phoebe: Oh my God!! You threw Pepper on the fire!
Joey: I wish. See, I guess another thing I probably should抳e told you about Ginger is that she kinda has a ah, artificial leg.
(Phoebe and Monica both stand up and gasp.)
Monica: Oh my God! Joey, what did you do after you threw her leg on the fire?
Joey: I ran!!
[Scene: A street, Chandler is kissing Ginger.]
Chandler: Well, that抯 the best kiss I抳e had with anyone I抳e ever met in a men抯 room.
Ginger: Actually, me too.
Chandler: (sees her foot is in a slush puddle) Op, foot in a puddle, foot all in a puddle.
Ginger: Oh damn, I hate that.
Chandler: Yeah, we抮e gonna have to get you out of those shoes.
Ginger: Oh, don抰 worry about it.
Chandler: No, really you抮e gonna freeze.
Ginger: No, I抦 not.
Chandler: You抮e not, what do you, what do you got a bionic foot?
Ginger: Some day, maybe.
[Scene: Ross抯 bedroom, Rachel getting into bed while Ross is reading and laughs.]
Rachel: Funny book?
Ross: Hmmm. Oh, no, no, I just thinking about something funny I heard today. Umm, Mark, Mark saying 慖抣l see you Saturday.?br>
Rachel: Yeah, at the lecture, I told you that last week, you said you didn抰 mind.
Ross: Oh, no, no, no, it抯-it抯 not the lecture ah, I mind, umm....
Rachel: Oh, please tell me it抯 not because I抦 going with Mark.
Ross: Oh, well...
Rachel: Oh my God!!! Ross!!
Ross: Well, I抦 sorry, but ah, look if you抮e not working with him anymore, why do you have to still do stuff with him?
Rachel: Because, he抯 my friend.
Ross: Okay, but do you really need another friend? I mean...
Rachel: Okay, well if I stop playing with Joey and Chandler, can I play with Mark?
Ross: Is that funny? Am I supposed to be laughing?
Rachel: I don抰 know, you thought 慡ee you Saturday?was funny. Look honey, Mark is in fashion okay, I like having a friend that I can share this stuff with. You guys would never want to go to a lecture with me.
Ross: Pa-haa!! I would love to go with you.
Rachel: Really!?
Ross: Yeah, hey I-I have clothes, I even pick them out. I mean for, for all you know I could be a fashion..... monger.
Rachel: Okay. Honey, I would love for you to go with me. (Ross has a worried look on his face) What?
Ross: What should I wear, now I抦 all nervous.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is looking at her beeper still in the pot. She takes it out, shakes it, and puts it back in.]
Monica: Y'know they say a watched pot never beeps.
Phoebe: It抯 just y'know, been a couple of hours, and she hasn抰 called. Not that I even care, y'know.
Monica: Phoebe why don抰 you just call her? You obviously want to.
Phoebe: You think you know me so well.
Monica: Well, don抰 慶ha wanna?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Monica: Okay, well I do know you.
Phoebe: That抯 what I said.
Monica: Well so?
Phoebe: I can抰. I can抰. She dumped me, I mean I totally trusted her and then one day it was 慜kay, bye Pheebs?gone. Y'know what the saddest part is, when we were playing together, that was like the most fun I抳e ever had in like all my lives.
[Scene: Central Perk, Leslie is singing.]
Leslie: (singing) My best shoes, so good to me. I wear them everyday. Down at the heel, holes in the toes. Don抰 care what people say. My feet抯 best friends, pals to the end. With them I抦 one hot chicky. Though late one night, not much light, I....
(Phoebe runs in and joins her.)
Phoebe: (singing) I stepped in something icky.
Phoebe and Leslie: (singing) Sticky shoes, sticky shoes, always make me smile. Sticky shoes, sticky shoes, next time I抣l.... avoid the..... pillleeeee.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: The lecture, Rachel is listening closely, Ross is bored out of his mind.]
Lecturer: We抮e beginning to see a lot of layering of sheer fabrics and colours. For instance a sheer navy blouse over a pink....
Ross: (to Rachel) I抦 really glad we came. (Rachel smiles and rubs his arm) You抮e so pretty. I love you.
Rachel: Oh. (puts her hand over his mouth)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is teaching Leslie how to sing Smelly Cat.]
Phoebe: (singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, it抯 not your fault.
Leslie: Wow, that抯 great.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah!
Leslie: Y'know you could totally sell this. It抎 be perfect for like umm, a kitty litter campaign.
Phoebe: I..., a jingle? No, no-no-no, no.
Leslie: What? Why not? You could make a ton of money.
Phoebe: Okay, well if I was in this for the money, I抎 be a millionaire by now, y'know. You just got to get out of that jingle head sweetie.
Leslie: Aw, you抮e right, you抮e right. I抦 sorry.
Phoebe: That抯 okay. All right, I抦 gonna play song that抯 really, really sad. It抯 called Magician Box Mix Up. (she turns her guitar upside down to play it.)
[Scene: The lecture, Ross is passed out against Rachel抯 shoulder.]
Lecturer: ....oversized bracelets, oversized earrings, oversizing of accessories in general are very popular now.
(Ross wakes up with a start and startles Rachel. The guy next to him starts laughing, which starts Ross laughing, Rachel gives him a look and he stops.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading the newspaper.]
Monica: (entering) Hi!
Chandler: Hey.
Monica: Oh, can I borrow this? (points to his milk) My milk抯 gone bad.
Chandler: Oh, I hate that. I once had a thing of half and half, stole my car.
Monica: So umm, how was your date with Ginger?
Chandler: Great. It was great. She抯 ah, she抯 great, great looking, great personality, she抯 greatness.
Monica: Sounds like she抯 got the ah, whole package.
Chandler: Joey told you about the leg, huh?
Monica: Uh-huh.
Chandler: Oh God, it freaked me out. Okay, I know it shouldn抰 have, but it did. I mean I like her, I don抰 want to stop seeing her, but every so often it抯 like 慔ey, y'know what, where抯 your leg?? I mean I抦 the smallest person in the world aren抰 I? I抦 the smallest person in the world.
Joey: (entering from his bedroom) Morning.
Chandler: (to Monica) Actually he抯 the smallest person in the world.
Joey: (to Chandler) Heard about the leg burnin?huh?
Chandler: It came up.
Joey: Listen, I ah, I know it抯 a longshot. But, by any chance did she find that funny?
(Both Chandler and Monica walk away in disgust.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are getting back from the lecture.]
Ross: (entering) So I nodded off a little.
Rachel: Nodded off!! Ross you were snoring. My father抯 boat didn抰 make that much noise when it hit rocks!
Ross: Come on! Forty-five minutes! Forty-five minutes the man talked about strappy backed dresses.
Rachel: Well okay, how about four hours in a freezing museum auditorium listening to Professor Pitstains and he抯 慔ey everybody! Remember that thing that抯 been dead for a gazillion years. Well there抯 this little bone we didn抰 know it had!?br>
Ross: First of all it抯 Professor Pittain! And second of all, that little bone, proved that, that particular dinosaur had wings, but didn抰 fly.
Rachel: Okay, see now, what I just heard: blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah, blah.
Ross: Y'know what, 100 million people went to see a movie about what I do, I wonder how many people would go see a movie called, Jurassic Parka.
Rachel: Oh, that is so...
Ross: No-no-no, a bunch of out of control jackets take over an island. (Makes an unusual sound, then he realises that he still has his jacket on and quickly tries to shake it off, thinking it抯 alive and attacking him.)
Rachel: Y'know if what I do is so lame, then why did you insist on coming with me this morning? Huh? Was it so I just wouldn抰 go with Mark?
Ross: No. I... I wanted to be with you. I don抰 know, I feel like lately, I feel like you抮e slipping away from me, y'know. With this new job, and all these new people, and you抳e got this whole other life going on. I-I-I know it抯 dumb, but I hate that I抦 not a part of it.
Rachel: It抯 not dumb. But, maybe it抯 okay that you抮e not a part of it. Y'know what I mean? (Ross looks confused) I mean it抯 like, I-I-I like that you抮e not involved in that part of my life.
Ross: That抯 a little clearer.
Rachel: Honey see, it doesn抰 mean that I don抰 love you. Because I do. I love you, I love you so much. But my work it抯-it抯 for me y'know, I抦 out there, on my own, and I抦 doing it and it抯 scary but I love it, because it抯 mine. I, but, I mean is that okay?
Ross: Sure, I-I-I... (hugs her and mouths No!!)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Ginger are eating dinner.]
Ginger: Your thinking about my leg aren抰 you?
Chandler: No. No. Actually I forgot, what is the deal with that again?
Ginger: It抯 okay if it bothers you. Really. I mean the only thing I need to know is: 慔ow much it bothers you??because I don抰 like wasting my time. Am I wasting my time?
Chandler: No. No. I don抰 think so.
Ginger: Okay. It抯 just like anything else, you just have to get used to it.
(They start making out. She opens his shirt and feels inside and stops.)
Ginger: What抯 that?
Chandler: That抯-that抯 my nubbin.
Ginger: What抯 a nubbin?
Chandler: It抯 kinda a ah, a third nipple kinda thing.
Ginger: You have three nipples?
Chandler: Well, y'know two regulars. And ah one that barely qualifies as... (starts to kiss her again, but she gets up.) Ahh, what?
Ginger: Nothing. I, I just remembered I have to leave.
Chandler: You ah, you have, you have to leave, now? How come?
Ginger: Ah well, it抯 nubbin. Nothing! Umm. Y'know what, I抣l see you later. Okay. (She leaves and in the hall we see her shake her shoulders like when someone runs their fingernails across a blackboard.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing as Leslie enters.]
Phoebe: (to Leslie) Oh, I thought you weren抰 coming. What? Where were you?
Leslie: Come here, come here. (they go to the side of the stage) Okay, don抰 get mad, okay.
Phoebe: Okay, don抰 give me a reason to get mad, okay
Leslie: I played Smelly Cat for the people at my old ad agency, they went nuts.
Phoebe: No, look, I told you that I didn抰 want you to try and sell it, and you just, you big fat did it anyway. God, y'know what, I think five years ago I probably would抳e done anything to play with you but, I can do it by myself. And if I can抰 trust you then just forget it.
Leslie: No, no, I don抰 want to forget it.
Phoebe: Okay y'know what you have to choose. All right, if-if the most important thing on the planet to you is this cat poopy thing then, okay you can have Smelly Cat, but we won抰 be partners. So what抯 it gonna be?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Monica, and Joey are watching TV.]
Commercial: (in the background their singing Smelly Cat) Problem odour in the litter box? Don抰 change your kitty, change your kitty litter.
(Monica gets up and shuts off the TV.)
Monica: Sorry, Pheebs.
Joey: Yeah. You okay?
Phoebe: Yeah. I actually am, yeah. Y'know life-life抯 gonna had you all kinds of stuff, y'know you learn your little lessons and hopefully you grow. Wanna hear a new song?
Joey: Yeah.
Monica: We抎 love too.
Phoebe: Okay. (singing) 慗ingle bitch screwed me over! Go to hell jingle whore! Go to hell Go to hell. Go to hell-hell-hell.? That抯 all I have so far.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang except Chandler is there.]
Chandler: (entering, happily) Well hello!
Joey: Where have you been?
Chandler: The doctor.
Ross: Is everything okay?
Chandler: Oh yes! Just had me a little nubbin-ectomy. Yep! Two nipples, no waiting.
Monica: Wow! It抯 like Rachel in High School.
Rachel: What?!!
Monica: Come on! Come on, I was kidding! It was such an obvious joke!
Chandler: That was an obvious joke, and I didn抰 think of it. Why didn抰 I think of it? The source of all my powers. Oh dear God, what have I done!
END