雙語·當(dāng)呼吸化為空氣 那一年 我算是見證了很多死亡

那一年，我算是見證了很多死亡。有時候是站在角落窺視，有時候則和死神在病房里狹路相逢，感覺非常尷尬。下面是一些我親眼看著死去的病人：
In that first year, I would glimpse my share of death. I sometimes saw it while peeking around corners, other times while feeling embarrassed to be caught in the same room. Here were a few of the people I saw die:

1．一個酗酒的人。他的血液再也凝結(jié)不起來了，血一直流進他的關(guān)節(jié)和皮下，直到他慢慢走向死亡。每天，淤血的范圍都會擴散。陷入神志昏迷之前，他抬頭看著我說：“這不公平——我喝的酒都是加水稀釋過的。”
1. An alcoholic, his blood no longer able to clot, who bled to death into his joints and under his skin. Every day, the bruises would spread. Before he became delirious, he looked up at me and said, “It’s not fair—I’ve been diluting my drinks with water.”

2．一位病理醫(yī)師，患了肺炎，病入膏肓，臨終時哮喘不斷，最后被送去尸檢——這是她最后一次去病理實驗室，而她曾在這里度過了很多歲月。
2. A pathologist, dying of pneumonia, wheezing her death rattle before heading down to be autopsied—her final trip to the pathology lab, where she had spent so many years of her life.

3．一個男人，做了個神經(jīng)外科的小手術(shù)，治療常常突如其來的面部驚痛。醫(yī)生在有“嫌疑”的神經(jīng)上放了一小滴膠液，免得它被血管壓迫。一周后，他遭遇了劇烈的頭痛。什么檢查都做過了，但無法做出任何診斷。
3. A man who’d had a minor neurosurgical procedure to treat lightning bolts of pain that were shooting through his face: a tiny drop of liquid cement had been placed on the suspected nerve to keep a vein from pressing on it. A week later, he developed massive headaches. Nearly every test was run, but no diagnosis was ever identified.

4．頭部創(chuàng)傷的很多病例：自殺、槍擊、酒吧斗毆、摩托車事故、撞車，還有被麋鹿攻擊。
4. Dozens of cases of head trauma: suicides, gunshots, bar fights, motorcycle accidents, car crashes. A moose attack.

有時候，這種沉重感非常明顯。壓力與沮喪彌漫在空氣中。一般情況下你都注意不到，只是將這愁云慘霧呼吸進去。但在某些時候，比如悶熱潮濕的日子里，它本身的力量就能讓你窒息。有些日子，我在醫(yī)院的感覺，就像酷暑之中被困在沒有盡頭的叢林，大汗淋漓，渾身濕透，死者家屬們的眼淚就像大雨，傾盆而下。
At moments, the weight of it all became palpable. It was in the air, the stress and misery. Normally, you breathed it in, without noticing it. But some days, like a humid muggy day, it had a suffocating weight of its own. Some days, this is how it felt when I was in the hospital: trapped in an endless jungle summer, wet with sweat, the rain of tears of the families of the dying pouring down.

到了培訓(xùn)的第二年，突發(fā)事件時你必須第一個到場。有的病人你救不了，有的卻可以妙手回春：當(dāng)我第一次將昏迷不醒的病人從急診室?guī)У绞中g(shù)室，從他頭顱中抽出積血，看著他醒過來，跟他的家人談話，抱怨他頭上的切口時，我突然陷入一陣愉悅的眩暈。凌晨兩點的時候，我步履輕快地在醫(yī)院里漫步，直到不知自己身處何方，花了整整四十五分鐘才找到出去的路。
In the second year of training, you’re the first to arrive in an emergency. Some patients you can’t save. Others you can: the first time I rushed a comatose patient from the ER to the OR, drained the blood from his skull, and then watched him wake up, start talking to his family, and complain about the incision on his head, I got lost in a euphoric daze, promenading around the hospital at two a. m. until I had no sense of where I was. It took me forty-five minutes to find my way back out.