你過于為別人而活的6個(gè)跡象

你過于為別人而活的6個(gè)跡象

Living for others, if understood in a positive way, is to put the interests of other people next to your own, not before your own good.

為別人而活，如果用積極的方式來理解，就是把別人的利益放在自己的利益之前，而不是自己的利益之前。

As explained by Erika Myers, a psychotherapist in Bend, Oregon, USA: “Living for others often transcends ordinary kindness. This involves one person changing his or her words or behaviors for the sake of others' feelings and interests." Accordingly, you tend to ignore your own thoughts and do things in a way that you think others will like. So, are you living for others too much?

正如美國(guó)俄勒岡州本德市的心理治療師Erika Myers所解釋的那樣:“為他人而活往往超越了普通的善良。這包括一個(gè)人為了他人的感受和興趣而改變自己的語(yǔ)言或行為。”因此，你往往會(huì)忽略自己的想法，以你認(rèn)為別人會(huì)喜歡的方式做事。那么，你是不是為別人活得太久了?

6 signs you are not living for yourself

你不是為自己而活的6個(gè)跡象

You lose your own opinion

你失去了自己的觀點(diǎn)

The most obvious manifestation of those who live excessively for others is the loss of their own opinions and positions. For them, self-worth is calculated by the trust and recognition of others.

過分為別人而活的人，最明顯的表現(xiàn)就是失去了自己的觀點(diǎn)和地位。對(duì)他們來說，自我價(jià)值是通過他人的信任和認(rèn)可來衡量的。

According to Myers, these people often live with the thought: "I only deserve to be loved when I give everything I have to people around". They feel really good about being appreciated by people and believe that people only care for them when they are useful.

按照邁爾斯的說法，這些人生活中常常帶著這樣的想法:“只有當(dāng)我把我所有的東西都給了周圍的人，我才值得被愛。”他們對(duì)被人們欣賞感到很高興，并且相信只有在他們有用的時(shí)候人們才會(huì)關(guān)心他們。

You need someone else to like you

你需要?jiǎng)e人喜歡你

If you are someone who lives too much for others, you are often afraid that others will hate you or be rejected by them. This fear often drives you to do something to please others and to avoid being rejected by them.

如果你是一個(gè)為別人而活得太久的人，你經(jīng)常會(huì)擔(dān)心別人會(huì)討厭你或拒絕你。這種恐懼常常驅(qū)使你去做一些取悅他人的事情，以避免被他們拒絕。

You will also have the desire to be needed by people and believe that you will have a chance to receive more love from those who need you. There is one thing that you may not know, before you want to be loved by others, you must love yourself.

你也會(huì)渴望被別人需要，并且相信你有機(jī)會(huì)從那些需要你的人那里得到更多的愛。有一件事你可能不知道，在你想被別人愛之前，你必須愛你自己。

It is very difficult to say "no" to others

對(duì)別人說“不”是非常困難的

Sometimes, you may feel that saying "no" or rejecting someone's request will make them feel like you don't care for them. Therefore, agreeing to do what others want is sometimes a safe choice to help you maintain a relationship, even though there are times when you don't have the time or the ability to help them.

有時(shí)候，你可能會(huì)覺得說“不”或拒絕某人的請(qǐng)求會(huì)讓他們覺得你不關(guān)心他們。因此，同意做別人想做的事有時(shí)是幫助你維持一段關(guān)系的安全選擇，即使有時(shí)你沒有時(shí)間或能力去幫助他們。

Not stopping there, you sometimes even disagree to do things that you personally do not like or things that you think are wrong. This seems simple but can cause many big problems. They prove that you are putting the thoughts of others above your own. Some people may take advantage of it and "manipulate" you to do what they want even if it's wrong, because they know that you won't be able to say no to others.

不止于此，有時(shí)你甚至?xí)煌庾鲆恍┠銈€(gè)人不喜歡或你認(rèn)為是錯(cuò)誤的事情。這看起來很簡(jiǎn)單，但卻會(huì)導(dǎo)致很多大問題。它們證明你把別人的想法放在你自己的之上。有些人可能會(huì)利用它，“操縱”你去做他們想做的事，即使這是錯(cuò)的，因?yàn)樗麄冎滥悴粫?huì)對(duì)別人說不。

You apologize even if you did nothing wrong

即使你沒做錯(cuò)什么，你也要道歉

Are you always the one to apologize when something unexpected happens? Please answer this question honestly.

當(dāng)意外發(fā)生時(shí)你總是那個(gè)道歉的人嗎?請(qǐng)誠(chéng)實(shí)地回答這個(gè)問題。

People who live to please others are often willing to admit all their mistakes, even when they have done nothing wrong. For example, a colleague asked you to order food for the office, but because the restaurant was missing an application, everyone had to wait 2 hours to have lunch. Even though you carefully ordered your food before meal time and missing the menu is the restaurant's fault, you still apologize and feel sorry to your co-workers, you even believe your co-workers will hate it. and never trusted you to order lunch again.

為取悅他人而生活的人往往愿意承認(rèn)自己所有的錯(cuò)誤，即使他們什么都沒做錯(cuò)。例如，一個(gè)同事讓你為辦公室點(diǎn)餐，但是因?yàn)椴蛷d沒有申請(qǐng)，每個(gè)人都必須等2個(gè)小時(shí)才能吃午飯。即使你在用餐前很仔細(xì)地點(diǎn)了菜，錯(cuò)過了菜單是餐廳的錯(cuò)，你仍然會(huì)向你的同事道歉和感到抱歉，你甚至相信你的同事會(huì)討厭它。再也不相信你會(huì)叫午餐了。

You quickly agree with someone, even though you think it's wrong

你很快同意某人的觀點(diǎn)，即使你認(rèn)為那是錯(cuò)的

You think that getting the same opinion with someone often means gaining their recognition.

你認(rèn)為和某人意見一致通常意味著得到他們的認(rèn)可。

Sometimes, you are asked how you feel about a colleague's opinion or ideas. While others commended, "What a great idea", you also said, "This is a good idea" even though you feel the idea is flawed and not really good.

有時(shí)，你會(huì)被問到你對(duì)同事的意見或想法的看法。當(dāng)別人稱贊你的時(shí)候，你也說"這是個(gè)好主意"，盡管你覺得你的想法有缺陷，不是很好。

You have trouble defining your own desires

你很難定義自己的欲望

People who live for others too much often find it difficult to realize what they really want. The reason is because they choose to ignore their own thoughts in order to satisfy the wishes of those around them. Gradually, they become disoriented and do not know what they need or really want.

太為別人而活的人往往很難意識(shí)到自己真正想要的是什么。原因是他們?yōu)榱藵M足周圍人的愿望而選擇忽略自己的想法。漸漸地，他們迷失了方向，不知道自己需要什么，真正想要什么。

Sometimes these people do not dare to speak their true feelings, even though they want others to listen. For example, you often avoid telling coworkers that they make you feel tired, “They didn't mean it. If I say that, I will hurt them ”. But, unknowingly, you are denying an important fact: They are the ones who hurt you.

有時(shí)這些人不敢說出自己的真實(shí)感受，即使他們想讓別人傾聽。例如，你經(jīng)常避免告訴同事是他們讓你感到累了，你會(huì)說:“他們不是故意的。”如果我那樣說，我就會(huì)傷害他們。”但是，在不知不覺中，你否認(rèn)了一個(gè)重要的事實(shí):他們就是傷害你的人。