為什么我們需要獨處的時間和與他人相處的時間才能茁壯成長

為什么我們需要獨處的時間和與他人相處的時間才能茁壯成長

There are times when you just want to be alone. You need the quiet and the inner reflection of your own company.

有時候你只想一個人呆著。你需要的是獨處和自我反省。

But like a diet that's too heavy on one food group, you need to mix up your "social nutrition." It's not enough that you chat with a coworker over coffee or a neighbor over mail. Research finds that you need a balanced diet of daily social interaction and alone time to really thrive.

但是，就像飲食過于偏重于一種食物一樣，你需要混合你的“社會營養(yǎng)”。光和同事喝咖啡聊天或者和鄰居發(fā)郵件聊天是不夠的。研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，你需要一個平衡的日常社交和獨處時間的飲食才能真正茁壯成長。

It can be exhausting to make small talk to lots of strangers all the time. They key is finding a balance. (Photo: KaterinaR/Shutterstock)

For the study, nearly 400 participants across the U.S. kept a diary of their "social diet," including time they spent by themselves and time they spent with others. They also reported their feelings of well-being throughout the day.

在這項研究中，美國近400名參與者記錄了他們的“社交飲食”，包括他們獨處的時間和與他人相處的時間。他們還報告了一整天的幸福感。

Researchers ended up with more than 10,000 moments to analyze for patterns that linked social interaction with well-being. The results were published in the journal Human Communication Research.

研究人員最后分析了超過10,000個瞬間，以尋找社會互動與幸福感之間的聯(lián)系。研究結(jié)果發(fā)表在《人類交流研究》雜志上。

"It's not that we have to rearrange our entire lives so we sit and commune with the closest people around us all day long," coauthor Jeffrey Hall, professor of communication studies at University of Kansas, said in a statement. "The results support the idea that we need a couple of high-quality interactions in a day, which can range from serious discussions to catching up and joking around."

“這并不是說我們必須重新安排我們的整個生活，讓我們整天坐著和周圍最親密的人交流，”堪薩斯大學傳播學研究教授杰弗里·霍爾在一份聲明中說。“研究結(jié)果支持了這樣一種觀點，即我們每天需要一些高質(zhì)量的互動，可以是嚴肅的討論，也可以是閑聊和開玩笑。”

In addition to spending quality time with some of our nearest and dearest, it's key that we also enjoy time by ourselves.

除了和我們最親近的人共度美好時光外，重要的是我們也要享受獨處的時光。

"You need to be quiet, meditate, nap, chill, whatever you do," Hall said. "It's alone time, but it's about having a balanced system. It's not just that more social time is always better. It's about ratios. It's about proportionality."

“你需要安靜、冥想、打盹、放松，無論你做什么，”霍爾說。“這是獨處的時間，但這是一個平衡的系統(tǒng)。并不是說更多的社交時間總是更好。它是關于比率。大概比例。”

Researchers used the term "social biome" to describe the mix of interactions and solitude that people have each day.

研究人員用“社會生物群系”這個術語來描述人們每天的互動和孤獨。

"Your social biome can be thought of as homeostatic social system," Hall said. "Some interactions are required, like ones you have to do for your job, and some are habitual or routine. But some are intentional, personal and meaningful in ways that strongly link us to one another. We're working to identify the patterns of interactions that reflect a well-functioning social system."

“你的社會生物群系可以被認為是一種自我平衡的社會系統(tǒng)，”Hall說。有些互動是必須的，比如你必須為工作做的互動，有些是習慣性的或例行公事的互動。但有些是有意的、個人的、有意義的，它們把我們緊密地聯(lián)系在一起。我們正在努力識別反映一個運作良好的社會系統(tǒng)的互動模式。”

Our social biomes are typically a mix of superficial chatting with strangers, spending time with friends and family, and being alone. It's the mix of all three of these that makes for a healthy social diet.

我們的社會生態(tài)圈通常是與陌生人膚淺的聊天，與朋友和家人共度時光，以及獨處。正是這三者的結(jié)合，造就了健康的社交飲食。

Small talk can be exhausting

閑聊會讓人筋疲力盡

Basically, we want to deal with people but we can't do it constantly or we'll be drained.

基本上，我們想與人打交道，但我們不能一直這樣做，否則我們會被掏空。

"Small talk conversations (like those I always seem to have with amiable Uber and Lyft drivers) can be exhausting," writes coach and author Christopher Bergland in Psychology Today. "Obligatory social interactions often require a lot more effort than shooting the breeze with a bunch of friends or having a coffee catch-up with your BFF."

《今日心理學》雜志的教練兼作家克里斯托弗·伯蘭登寫道:“閑聊(就像我與和藹可親的優(yōu)步(Uber)和Lyft司機之間的交談一樣)可能會讓人筋疲力盡。”“強制性的社交活動通常比和一群朋友閑聊或者和你最好的朋友喝杯咖啡要疲憊得多。”

The goal is to keep your social biome balanced. Don't try to socialize all day or make every single conversation meaningful. The best interactions are those times you don't have to try very hard.

目標是保持你的社會生態(tài)平衡。不要整天都去社交，也不要讓每一次談話都有意義。最好的互動是那些你不需要努力嘗試的時候。

"Research on friendship has always said that one of the main characteristics of a close friendship comes from a sense of ease," Hall said. "It's easy to be around them. It's easier to be yourself around them. You don't have to put on a face. You don't have to worry that they will misinterpret what you're saying. You know that they have your best interests at heart."

霍爾說:“對友誼的研究一直表明，親密友誼的主要特征之一來自于安逸。和他們在一起很從容。在他們身邊更容易做你自己。你不需要戴上面具。你不必擔心他們會誤解你說的話。你知道他們把你的最大利益放在心上。”