如何處理你生活中的成人欺凌

如何處理你生活中的成人欺凌

Most of us behave like a jerk at times. The stresses of today's fast-paced society combined with a national epidemic of sleep deprivation can turn anyone temporarily out of control.

我們大多數(shù)人有時表現(xiàn)得像個混蛋。當今快節(jié)奏社會的壓力，再加上全國普遍睡眠不足，可能會讓任何人暫時失控。

That's ok if it's not a habit, experts say. It's frequent boorish behavior that can become contagious.

專家說，如果這不是一種習(xí)慣，那也沒關(guān)系。頻繁的粗野行為可能會傳染。

"Bad behavior is actually more contagious than good behavior," said Robert Sutton, author of "The A--hole Survival Guide: How to Deal With People Who Treat You Like Dirt."

“不良行為實際上比良好行為更具傳染性，”羅伯特·薩頓說，他是“生存指南:如何與視你如糞土的人打交道。”的作者。

"So if you walk into a situation where there's a bunch of disrespect, it's hard not to catch that behavior," said Sutton, a professor of management science at the Stanford University School of Engineering.

斯坦福大學(xué)工程學(xué)院管理科學(xué)教授薩頓表示:“因此，如果你遇到一群無禮的人，你很難不發(fā)現(xiàn)他們的這種行為。”

What does define a person as a true bully, Sutton says, is if they regularly make you feel "oppressed, humiliated, de-energized or belittled."

薩頓說，如果一個人經(jīng)常讓你感到“壓抑、羞辱、缺乏活力或被輕視”，那么他就被定義為真正的欺凌者。

The brutish actions that often lead to those feelings, Sutton said, include personal insults, teasing jokes, threats, public shaming, rude interruptions, invasion of personal space or uninvited personal contact.

薩頓說，經(jīng)常導(dǎo)致這些情緒的野蠻行為通常包括人身侮辱、開玩笑、威脅、公開羞辱、粗魯?shù)拇驍唷⑶址競€人空間或未經(jīng)邀請的私人接觸。

Types of bullies

欺凌類型

Preston Ni, the author of "How to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People" and a communications professor at Foothill College outside San Francisco, has identified five types of adult bullies who use different techniques to inflict harm.

《如何有效溝通和處理難纏的人》一書的作者、舊金山郊外弗勞特爾學(xué)院的傳播學(xué)教授普雷斯頓·尼確定了五種使用不同技巧造成傷害的成年欺凌者。

Tangible/material bully

有形欺凌者

These bullies use their power, such as being a boss or executive at a company, or material power, such as having legal authority or control over finances, to intimidate others.

這些欺凌者利用他們的權(quán)力，如公司的老板或高管，或物質(zhì)權(quán)力，如擁有法律權(quán)威或能控制財務(wù)，來恐嚇他人。

Verbal bully

口頭欺凌

This type of bully shames and insults with words, often expressing criticism or using hostile teasing, Ni explained. Sometimes can be sexist, racist or homophobic, and can be threatening.

尼解釋說，這類欺凌者會用言語來羞辱和侮辱他人，經(jīng)常表達批評或帶有敵意的戲弄。有時可能是性別歧視，種族主義或同性戀恐懼癥，并可能具有威脅性。

Passive-aggressive bully

被動攻擊性欺凌者

It might not sound like bullying, said Ni, but in some ways, this method is the most cunning. This type of jerk behaves nicely on the surface, but stings subtly.

尼說，這聽起來可能不像欺凌，但從某種程度上來說，這種方法是最狡猾的。這種類型的混蛋在表面上表現(xiàn)得很好，卻刺痛人于無形。

Cyber bully

網(wǎng)絡(luò)欺凌

A huge problem today, cyberbullying can have lethal consequences for the young and vulnerable. Even mature and emotionally stable adults can be victims of harassing texts, emails and social media. Identity theft is another way of cyberbullying, Ni says.

如今，網(wǎng)絡(luò)欺凌是一個巨大的問題，它會給年輕人和弱勢群體帶來致命的后果。即使是成熟和情緒穩(wěn)定的成年人也可能成為騷擾短信、電子郵件和社交媒體的受害者。尼說，身份盜竊是網(wǎng)絡(luò)欺凌的另一種方式。

Physical bully

身體欺凌

This can range from raising a fist as if to strike, to throwing objects, to violent acts of physical, sexual and domestic abuse.

這包括從舉起拳頭好像要攻擊，到投擲物體，再到身體、性和家庭虐待的暴力行為。

How to survive an adult bully

如何在成人欺凌中幸存下來

Flip your point of view

改變你的觀點

"I think one of the smartest keys to learning how to deal with bullies is especially if this is somebody who you interact with on a more or less regular basis, is to consider this person's background," Ni said. "And if you know the person came from a traumatic family environment, showing some empathy and understanding in no way excuses the bullying behavior, but it reduces the intimidation factor."

尼說:“我認為應(yīng)對欺凌的最聰明的方法之一就是考慮這個人的背景，尤其是如果這個人是你經(jīng)常打交道的人。”“如果你知道這個人受到家庭環(huán)境的創(chuàng)傷，表現(xiàn)出一些同理心和理解并不能為欺凌行為開脫，但它能減少恐嚇因素。”

Pick your battles

選擇你的戰(zhàn)斗

Deciding on how to react depends a lot on the frequency and severity of the bullying behavior. If the behavior is not excessive or harmful and you only see the bully on occasion at work, or the obnoxious relative once a year at family reunions, then Ni suggests keeping your distance. As soon as you're done with the task at hand, disengage and stay out of that person's line of sight.

決定如何對欺凌行為作出反應(yīng)在很大程度上取決于欺凌行為的頻率和嚴重程度。如果這種行為并不過分或有害，而且你只是偶爾在工作中遇到欺凌者，或者在家庭團聚時看到令人討厭的親戚，那么尼建議你保持距離。一旦你完成手頭的任務(wù)，就遠離那個人的視線。