◎ Mary Marcdante
On Monday afternoons at two o’clock, Beau and I would arrive at the Silver Spring Convalescent Center on Milwaukee’s northeast side of town for an hour of pet therapy with the seniors who lived there. We’d walk the hall-ways greeting everyone on our way to the hospitality room, where residents would come to pet Beau and bask in the adoration of this beautiful, happy, ten-year-old, ninety-nine-pound Doberman pinscher. You’d never know this was the same dog that arrived at my doorstep eight years earlier so beaten, scarred and scared that as soon as he made eye contact with you, he’d lie down on his back with his feet up in the air and pee until you petted and soothed him into feeling safe.
每星期一下午兩點,我和博都要去密爾沃基東北方向的銀泉康復(fù)中心,為住在那里的老人進行一小時的寵物治療。我們經(jīng)過過道來到接待室,一路上和每個人打招呼。在接待室,休養(yǎng)的人撫摩博,大家都沉浸在對這只漂亮幸福、10歲大、99磅重的德國種短毛獵犬的愛慕中。你怎么也想不到,8年前,就是這只狗,傷痕累累遍體鱗傷地出現(xiàn)在我家臺階上,由于驚嚇過度,一見人就仰臥著,翹起腿撒尿,直到你去撫摩它,安慰它,它才感到安全。
On our first visit, as we walked through the canary-yellow Hallway One, I heard an elderly man’s excited voice, thick with a German accent, streaming out of room 112. “Ma, Ma, the German dog is here! The German dog is here!”
我們初次訪問康復(fù)中心,經(jīng)過金絲楠木1號走廊時,從112號房間傳出一位老人激動的聲音,那聲音帶有濃重的德國口音?!艾?,瑪,那德國狗來了!那德國狗來了!”
No sooner did I hear the voice than a wrinkle-faced, six-foot tall, white-haired pogo stick of a man was greeting us at the door, swooping his big, open hand and strong arm across the doorway, inviting us in. “ I’ m Charlie. This is my wife, Emma. Come in, come in.”
在我聽到聲音不久,我看到一個滿臉皺紋,6英尺高、白頭發(fā)、拄著單高蹺拐杖的男人在門廊邊搖晃著他的大手和強壯的臂膀,邀請我們進屋。“我叫查利,這是我妻子,?,?。請進,請進?!?
When Beau heard Charlie’s friendly, enthusiastic voice, his entire body went into his customary wagging frenzy and leanagainst-your-thigh position, waiting for a petting, which was immediately forthcoming from Charlie.
博聽見查利友好、熱情的聲音,身子立刻激動得習慣性地晃個不停,擺出要貼靠你大腿的姿勢,等著你去撫摩它。查利這時便滿足了它的愿望。
As we walked into the room, a frail but lively eightyish, violet-haired Emma sat in bed, smiling, patting her hand on the bed. All she had to do was pat once, and Beau, leashed and always obedient, was up on the bed lying down beside her, licking her face. Her eyes teared up as Charlie told us that he and Emma had immigrated to the United States from Germany during World War II and had to leave their beloved Doberman, Max, behind. Max, according to Charlie, was the spitting image of Beau.
我們進了屋子,看見80多歲、紫色頭發(fā)的?,斪诖采?,瘦弱但充滿活力;她面帶微笑,用手拍著床。她只需拍一下,拴著皮帶、向來順從的博就會跳上床,躺在她旁邊,舔她的臉。第二次世界大戰(zhàn)期間,他們倆從德國移民來美國時,不得不把心愛的德國種短毛獵犬馬克斯留在德國。查利對我們說這話的時候,?,?shù)难壑袧M含淚水。據(jù)查利說,博長得簡直和馬克斯一模一樣。
The next door, room 114, was home to Katherine, a woman in her seventies who had stopped talking for a few months earlier and had been living in a catatonic state in her wheelchair for the past month. No amount of love, hugs, talking or sitting had been able to stir her. When Beau and I walked into her room, a small light was on next to her bed and the shades were pulled. She was sitting in her wheelchair, her back toward us, slouched over, facing the viewless window.
隔壁114房間住的是70多歲的凱瑟琳。幾個月以前她就開始一言不發(fā)了,近一個月時間,她一直坐在輪椅上,處于精神分裂狀態(tài)。對她的任何愛護、擁抱、交談或陪伴都無法打動她。我和博走進她的房間,她的床邊有一盞小燈,遮陽窗簾拉著。她坐在她的輪椅上,背對著我們,面對著看不到任何景色的窗戶。
Beau was pulling ahead of me with his leash. Before I could get around to kneel down in front of her, he was at her left side, with his head in her lap. I pulled a chair up in front of her and sat down, saying hello. No response. In the fifteen minutes that Beau and I sat with Katherine, she never said a word and never moved. Surprising as that may be, more surprising was that Beau never moved either. He stood the entire fifteen minutes, his long chin resting on her lap.
博用皮帶拖著我,走在我的前面。我還沒來得及在凱瑟琳面前蹲下,博就已經(jīng)站在她的左邊,把腦袋靠在她的膝蓋上了。我拖了把椅子在她面前坐下,問了聲好。沒有任何回應(yīng)。在我和博與凱瑟琳坐在一起的15分鐘里,她一語未發(fā),一步未動。這可能很奇怪,但更奇怪的是博也一動不動。它整整站了15分鐘,一直把它長長的下巴放在凱瑟琳的膝蓋上。
If you knew Beau, you’d know that even ten seconds was an eternity to wait for a petting. Not here. He was as frozen as Katherine, head glued to her lap. I became so uncomfortable with the lack of life in this woman that, much as I wished I felt differently, when the clock chimed 2:30 P.M., I rushed to say good-bye, stood up and pulled the reluctant Beau out.
你要是了解博,就會知道對期待著愛撫的它來說,哪怕10秒鐘也像是很長時間??蛇@次卻不一樣。它和凱瑟琳一樣僵在那兒,腦袋靠在她膝蓋上。和這個沒有一絲生機的女人在一起,我覺得很不舒服,希望這種尷尬場面快點兒結(jié)束。兩點半一到,我匆忙說了聲“再見”,就抽起身來,拉著不情愿的博走了出去。
I asked one of the nurses why Katherine was catatonic. “We don’t know why. Sometimes it just happens when elderly people have family who show no interest in them. We just try to make her as comfortable as possible.”
我問其中的一個護士凱瑟琳為什么會得精神分裂癥?!拔覀円膊恢涝?。有時候老年人得不到家里人的關(guān)注時,就會一下子得這種病。我們只能使她感到盡可能的舒適?!?
All the wonderful people and animals who blessed my life flashed in front of my eyes, and then they were gone. I felt what I imagined Katherine must be feeling: lonely, lost and forgotten. I was determined to find a way through to her.
我眼前閃現(xiàn)出所有給我的生活帶來幸福的人和動物,他們一閃而過。我可以感受到凱瑟琳現(xiàn)在的心情:孤單、失落、被人遺忘。我決定尋找通往她心靈深處的那條路。
Every Monday thereafter, Beau and I made our rounds to the hospitality room, stopping to make special visits in room 112 to visit Charlie and Emma, and in room 114 to sit with Katherine. Always the same response—Charlie waving us in and Emma patting the bed, waiting for Beau’s licks, both so alive. And then on to Katherine, sitting desolately, no sign of life except for her shallow breathing.
從那以后的每個星期一,我和博都照例去接待室,還專門拜訪112房間的查利和?,?,在114號房間陪凱瑟琳坐著。每次情況都一樣——查利揮手請我們進屋,?,斢檬峙闹?,等待博去舔她,兩個人都那么愉悅。然后去凱瑟琳的房間,她毫無生氣地坐在那里,除了淺弱的呼吸聲外,沒有一絲生命跡象。
Each visit I attempted to engage Katherine in conversation. No response. I grew more and more frustrated with Katherine, not content with just “being” with her. Yet here was Beau, meditative dog-monk, teaching me how to “be” and love quietly, assuming “the position” for the fifteen minutes we sat at each visit.
每次拜訪,我都試圖和凱瑟琳聊天,可她始終沒有反應(yīng)。我越來越覺得沮喪,不滿足于只是跟她待在一起??墒沁€有博,每次拜訪,這只狗“和尚”就擺出姿勢“坐禪”一刻鐘,教我如何“陪”凱瑟琳及表示無聲的愛。
On our fourth visit, I was ready to bypass Katherine’s room, but Beau had other plans. He pulled me into Katherine’s room and took his familiar pose on her left side, head on lap. I acquiesced, but since I had a business meeting later in the afternoon with which I was preoccupied, I decided to cut short our usual fifteen minutes with Katherine to five. Instead of talking, I remained quiet, focusing inwardly on my upcoming meeting. Surely she’d never notice or care. As I stood up to walk out and began to pull Beau away, he wouldn’t budge.
我們第四次拜訪這里的時候,我已經(jīng)決定繞過凱瑟琳的房間,可是博卻另有它的想法。它把我拉進凱瑟琳的房間,像往常一樣,待在她左邊,頭放在她膝蓋上。我默許了,可是我心里想著當天下午晚些時候的商務(wù)會議,因此決定把陪凱瑟琳的時間從以前的15分鐘縮短到5分鐘。我沒開口,只是安靜地坐在那里,心里想著即將召開的會議。凱瑟琳肯定不會注意也不會在意我們提前結(jié)束。可是我起身拉著博走的時候,它卻一絲不肯讓步。
And then the most miraculous thing happened. Katherine’s hand went up to the top of Beau’s head and rested there. No other movement, just her hand. Instead of Beau’s customary response of nose nuzzling and increased body wagging, he continued to stand like a statue, never moving from his spot.
然后最不可思議的事情發(fā)生了。凱瑟琳的手抬到博的頭頂就放在那兒。沒有別的動作,就只是她的手。博既沒像平常那樣習慣性地用鼻子蹭,也沒有使勁地搖晃身體,仍然像座雕塑一樣站在那里。
I sat back down in silent shock, and for the next ten precious minutes, reveled in the stream of life flowing between Katherine’s hand and Beau’s head. As the clock chimed half past two, marking the end of our fifteen minutes, Katherine’s hand gently slid back into her lap, and Beau turned to walk out the door.
我坐回去,暗自驚訝著。之后的10分鐘,我感受著凱瑟琳的手和博的頭之間那種生命之源的流淌。時鐘敲過兩點半,15分鐘到了,這時,凱瑟琳的手慢慢滑落到膝上,博轉(zhuǎn)身走出房間。
It’s been ten years since that visit and eight years since Beau died in my arms from a stroke. Love has many ways of showing its face. Each time I am ready to walk away from a person on whom I’ve given up, I am reminded of the power of Beau’s loving persistence with Katherine and with me. If Beau can give an extra ten minutes, surely I can too.
那次拜訪離現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)有10年之久,博因為中風去世在我懷里也已經(jīng)有8年時間了。愛有多種表達方式。每次,當我想要離開我已對其絕望的人時,我就想起博對凱瑟琳和對我那份始終如一的愛的力量。如果博能耐心再待10分鐘,那么我也能。