人生密密縫：奶奶的百納被

The way the light shined on her skin as she sewed the quilt emphasized the details of every wrinkle, burn and cut. While she completed the overcast stitch, the thimble on her index finger protected her from the needle pokes. She wore rings on every finger of her right hand, but on her left she only wore her wedding ring. The rings drew the attention away from her age and scars to her cherished possessions.

她坐在陽(yáng)光下縫百衲被時(shí)，光線讓她皮膚上的每個(gè)皺紋、灼傷和割痕顯得特別突出。她一針一針地縫著邊，食指上的頂針保護(hù)著其他手指免遭針扎。雖然她右手的每個(gè)指頭上都戴著戒指，但左手只有一個(gè)指頭帶著她的結(jié)婚戒指。這些戒指把人們的注意力從她的年齡和傷痕轉(zhuǎn)移到她珍愛(ài)的東西上。

My grandmother’s rings had not only been stolen by her son, my father, but she was constantly in the state of fear that he would steal from her once again. When my father was incarcerated, she wore her rings every day of the week; however, when he was home, her hands were bare. As it became increasingly common over time, she learned to hide her treasures in a jewelry box under her bed.

奶奶的戒指不僅被她的兒子、我的父親多次偷走，而且她時(shí)時(shí)刻刻處于擔(dān)心狀態(tài)，怕他會(huì)再偷她的東西。我父親被關(guān)在監(jiān)獄里時(shí)，她一星期每天都戴著戒指;但他在家時(shí)，她手上光禿禿的。隨著時(shí)間的推移，這已變得越來(lái)越常見(jiàn)，她學(xué)會(huì)了把值錢的東西藏在她床底下的珠寶盒里。

As a small child, I watched my grandmother’s hands move in an inward and outward motion, noticing her rhythm. This rhythm was like the cha-cha music I heard every Sunday when I went with her to the pulga, the flea market. Every week, she bargained on the vendor’s products and brought home “unnecessary necessities”; luckily, some weeks it just happened to be thread and new sewing outlines. As my grandma sewed my outfits for school, I was always trying to complete the outline of La Rosa de Guadalupe just so I could impress her. I would sing along to her favorite Prince Royce songs, use the same color of thread as her and try to go at the same cha-cha.

小時(shí)候，我觀察過(guò)奶奶的手向內(nèi)、向外來(lái)回不斷的動(dòng)作，注意到她的節(jié)奏。這種節(jié)奏就像每個(gè)星期日我和她一起去逛跳蚤市場(chǎng)時(shí)聽(tīng)到的恰恰舞音樂(lè)。每星期，她都對(duì)賣主的產(chǎn)品討價(jià)還價(jià)，把“不需要的必需品”帶回家;幸運(yùn)的是，有些星期買來(lái)的東西碰巧是線和新的衣服樣子。當(dāng)奶奶給我縫上學(xué)穿的衣服時(shí)，我總是在試圖按照電視劇La Rosa de Guadalupe里的衣服樣子縫件什么，我那是做給她看的。我會(huì)邊聽(tīng)邊唱她最喜歡的羅西王子(Prince Royce)歌曲，用與她用的顏色一樣的線，并試著用同樣的恰恰舞節(jié)奏。

With my father incarcerated, the women in my family went to work. At the age of 11, I started working for the very first time as a cleaning lady with my grandparents. Even though I wanted to help my family, I was ashamed to be a cleaning lady. I argued with my mother against living a life like that, a life in which I gave up my childhood for my family’s stability. After being called “malagradecida” — ungrateful — several times, my grandmother reacquainted me with the idea that “todas las cosas buenas vienen a los que esperan” — all good things come to those who wait. Sewing was no longer a hobby, but a necessity, when it came to making my own apron, seaming together rags and pushing for a better future for my family. My grandmother, too, had to put down her quilt and go to work, but she never complained.

因?yàn)楦赣H被關(guān)進(jìn)監(jiān)獄，我家里的女性都得去打工。11歲時(shí)，我第一次開(kāi)始工作，和祖父母一起當(dāng)起了清潔工。雖然我想幫助我的家人，但對(duì)當(dāng)一名清潔女工我感到羞愧。我和母親爭(zhēng)吵過(guò)，我不想過(guò)這樣的生活，不想為了家庭的穩(wěn)定而放棄我的童年。家人好幾次說(shuō)我“忘恩負(fù)義”——奶奶也多次用“一切好事都只會(huì)發(fā)生在那些耐心等待的人身上”這句話來(lái)教育我。縫紉不再是一種愛(ài)好，而是成了一件必需做的事情，我給自己縫制圍裙，把布片縫在一起做抹布，為我的家庭爭(zhēng)取更美好的未來(lái)。奶奶也不得不放下百衲被去工作，但她從不抱怨。

In recent years, my grandmother has become increasingly ill, so I took her unfinished quilt to my home, planning to complete it. My grandmother did not choose to leave this project unfinished; her age and constant contribution to her family through work did not allow her to. Often, obstacles have not only redesigned my course, but have changed my perspective and allowed for me to see greater and better things present within my life. The progression of each patch depicts the instability present within my family. However, when you put all these patches together as one, you have a quilt with several seams and reinforcements keeping it together to depict the obstacles we have faced and have overcome to show resilience.

最近幾年，奶奶的病越來(lái)越重，所以我把她未完成的百衲被帶回家，打算把它做完。讓這個(gè)項(xiàng)目半途而廢不是奶奶的選擇;她的年齡、以及她為家庭不停地做貢獻(xiàn)讓她無(wú)法完成這個(gè)百衲被。障礙不僅經(jīng)常讓我重新設(shè)計(jì)人生道路，而且改變了我的視角，讓我看到了生活中更大、更美好的東西。百衲被是一塊一塊拼縫起來(lái)的，每塊布都代表著我的家庭內(nèi)部的不穩(wěn)定。然而，當(dāng)你把所有這些布?jí)K縫成一件完整東西時(shí)，你就有了一個(gè)用多條接縫連接起來(lái)、經(jīng)過(guò)多次加固的百衲被，就像是描繪了我們?cè)?jīng)面臨并克服了諸多障礙后所展示的韌性。

Now, when she visits our home, as she reaches for her glasses and pushes her walker away from the table, my grandmother asks me to bring her the quilt. The jeweled hands that were once accustomed to constant stitching are now bare, and the scars are hidden under every wrinkle. With a strong grip on the quilt, my grandmother signals me to get her sewing basket that sits in the corner collecting dust. She runs her hands over the patches one last time and finds an unfinished seam. She smiles and says, “Cerrar la costura y hacer una colcha de su propio” — close the seam and make a quilt of your own.

現(xiàn)在，奶奶來(lái)到我們家時(shí)，她一邊伸手去拿眼鏡，把自己的助步器從桌子傍邊推開(kāi)，一邊叫我把百衲被拿給她。曾經(jīng)習(xí)慣了不停地縫紉、帶滿了戒指的手現(xiàn)在光禿禿的，手上的傷疤也被皺紋隱藏了起來(lái)。奶奶緊緊地抓著被子，向我示意，讓我把她的縫紉籃子拿過(guò)來(lái)，那個(gè)放在屋子角落里的籃子上蓋滿了灰塵。她的手從每個(gè)布?jí)K摸過(guò)，對(duì)被子進(jìn)行著最后的仔細(xì)檢查，找到了一條沒(méi)完全縫好的接縫。她笑著說(shuō)：“把這個(gè)縫兒縫起來(lái)，然后做一床你自己的百衲被。”