那些我家的母牛教會(huì)我的事

Each year, we post a casting call for writers and their college application essays that have something to do with money. Nearly 300 people responded this year. Below, you’ll find five that stood out for their sensitivity, depth of insight and sheer geekiness. Who would have imagined, for instance, that there was a high school student out there helping people with their tax returns — or that she could learn so much about the world by doing so?

每一年，我們都會(huì)向作者征集他們所寫的與有關(guān)金錢的大學(xué)申請(qǐng)作文。今年有將近300人回應(yīng)。未來(lái)幾天你會(huì)看到五篇文章因?yàn)樗鼈兊那楦蓄I(lǐng)悟、洞察能力和全然的古怪脫穎而出。比方說(shuō)，誰(shuí)能想到一個(gè)高中生會(huì)幫人報(bào)稅——或是她通過(guò)這一件事，能對(duì)世界有了這么多的了解?

BUSHNELL, ILL.

伊利諾伊州布什內(nèi)爾

Alison Hess 艾莉森·赫斯(Alison Hess)

I always assumed my father wished I had been born a boy.

我一直以為父親希望我生下來(lái)是個(gè)男孩。

Now, please don’t assume that my father is some rampant rural sexist. The fact is, when you live in an area and have a career where success is largely determined by your ability to provide and maintain nearly insurmountable feats of physical labor, you typically prefer a person with a bigger frame.

這個(gè)，請(qǐng)不要把我父親當(dāng)成瘋狂的鄉(xiāng)巴佬性別歧視者。事實(shí)是，在他所處的地區(qū)和行業(yè)，成功與否主要看你能不能提供和保持近乎不可超越的體力勞動(dòng)壯舉，人們往往更喜歡大塊頭的人。

When I was younger, I liked green tractors better than red tractors because that was what my father drove, and I preferred black and white cows over brown ones because those were the kind he raised. I wore coveralls in the winter and wore holes in my mud boots in weeks. With my still fragile masculinity, I crossed my arms over my chest when I talked to new people, and I filled my toy box exclusively with miniature farm implements. In third grade, I cut my hair very short, and my father smiled and rubbed my head.

小時(shí)候，我更喜歡綠色而不是紅色的拖拉機(jī)，因?yàn)楦赣H開的就是綠色的。我喜歡黑白相間的母牛，而不是棕色的，因?yàn)楦赣H養(yǎng)的就是那種黑白的。我冬天穿連體工作服，一連幾周穿著帶窟窿沾泥巴的靴子。和新來(lái)的人說(shuō)話時(shí)，我會(huì)表現(xiàn)出尚且稚嫩的男子氣，雙臂交叉抱在胸前。我的玩具箱里只有農(nóng)具模型。三年級(jí)的時(shí)候，我把頭發(fā)剪得非常短。父親露出微笑，摸了摸我的頭。

I never strove to roll smoother pie crusts or iron exquisitely stiff collars. Instead, I idolized my father’s patient hands. On a cow’s neck, trying to find the right vein to stick a needle in. In the strength of the grip it took to hold down an injured heifer. In the finesse with which they habitually spun the steering wheel as he backed up to the livestock trailer.

我從未試圖把餡餅皮搟得更加光滑，或是熨出筆挺的衣領(lǐng)。相反，我崇拜父親那雙有耐心的手。它們努力在母牛的脖頸上找到正確的血管扎針;用力制住受傷的小母牛;在他駕駛牲畜拖車時(shí)習(xí)慣地、巧妙地快速打方向盤。

And I grew to do those things myself. When on my 10th birthday I received my first show cow, a rite of passage in the Hess family, I named her Missy. As I spoke to her in an unnaturally low voice, I failed to realize one thing: Missy did not care that I was a girl. She did not think I was acting especially boyish or notice when I adamantly refused to wear pink clothing (she was colorblind anyway). And she did not blink an eyelash at her new caretaker’s slightly smaller frame. All she cared about was her balanced daily feed of cottonseed and ground corn and that she got an extra pat on the head. As I sat next to her polishing her white leather show halter, she appreciated my meticulous diligence and not my sex.

長(zhǎng)大后，我自己也要做這些事情。十歲生日那天，我收到了自己的第一頭表演母牛。在赫斯家族，這是一種成人禮。我給她起名叫米西(Missy)。當(dāng)我用極低的聲音和她說(shuō)話時(shí)，我沒有意識(shí)到一件事：米西不在乎我是女孩。她不認(rèn)為我特意表現(xiàn)出男孩子氣，也不會(huì)注意到我堅(jiān)決抗拒粉色衣服(反正她是色盲)。她對(duì)照顧她的新人塊頭略小無(wú)動(dòng)于衷。她只在乎自己每天的均衡棉籽玉米面飼料，以及有人能多拍一下她的頭。我坐在她旁邊擦她的白色皮革籠頭時(shí)，她感謝的是我一絲不茍的勤勉，而不是我的性別。

When Missy and I won Best of Show a few months later, my father’s heart nearly exploded. I learned to stick my chest out whenever I felt proud. While I then associated my conquests with “being a better boy,” I now realize what I was really working toward was becoming a better farmer. I learned I could do everything my father could do, and in some tasks, such as the taxing chore of feeding newborn calves or the herculean task of halter-breaking a heifer, I surpassed him. It has taken me four years to realize this: I proved a better farmer than he in those moments, not despite my sex, but despite my invalid and ignorant assumption that the best farmer was the one with the most testosterone.

幾個(gè)月后，當(dāng)我和米西贏得最佳表演獎(jiǎng)時(shí)，父親的心臟差點(diǎn)爆炸。我學(xué)會(huì)了無(wú)論何時(shí)只要感到自豪，就要表現(xiàn)出來(lái)。盡管當(dāng)時(shí)我把自己的勝利和“當(dāng)一個(gè)更優(yōu)秀的男孩”聯(lián)系在一起，但現(xiàn)在我意識(shí)到，那時(shí)我努力的方向其實(shí)是成為一個(gè)更優(yōu)秀的農(nóng)民。我知道，我會(huì)做父親會(huì)做的所有事情，并且在有些事情上青出于藍(lán)，比如承擔(dān)喂新生小牛犢這件雜事，或是讓小母牛習(xí)慣帶籠頭這項(xiàng)艱巨的任務(wù)。我用了四年時(shí)間才意識(shí)到：在那些時(shí)刻，我證明自己是一個(gè)比他還優(yōu)秀的農(nóng)民，不是因?yàn)槲铱朔俗约旱男詣e，而是因?yàn)槲铱朔俗约汉翢o(wú)根據(jù)的無(wú)知觀念，認(rèn)為睪丸酮水平最高的農(nóng)民才是最優(yōu)秀的農(nóng)民。

My freshman year, I left the farm for boarding school, where I was surrounded by the better-off and the better-educated — the vast majority of whom had heard the word ‘feminism’ before. I began to pick up just what the word meant from my antagonizing English teacher and my incisive friends’ furrowed brows when I described my hometown. Four years of education and weekly argumentative essays taught me the academic jargon. I learned the Latin roots of the word “feminism,” its cognates and its historical consequences.

大學(xué)一年級(jí)，我離開農(nóng)場(chǎng)，去了寄宿學(xué)校。在學(xué)校里，我身邊都是更富裕、受教育程度更高的人。他們中絕大部分人以前都聽說(shuō)過(guò)“女權(quán)主義”這個(gè)詞。在我介紹自己的家鄉(xiāng)時(shí)，我開始從討厭的英語(yǔ)老師和敏銳的朋友們皺起的眉頭中領(lǐng)會(huì)這個(gè)詞的意思。四年的教育和每周的議論文教會(huì)了我這個(gè)學(xué)術(shù)術(shù)語(yǔ)。我知道了“女權(quán)主義”這個(gè)詞的拉丁語(yǔ)詞根、同源詞和它的歷史影響。

But the more I read about it in books, and the more I used it in my essays, the more I realized I already knew what it meant. I had already embodied the reality of feminism on the farm. I had lived it. My cow had taught it to me.

但我通過(guò)書本了解到的相關(guān)知識(shí)越多，在文章中用這個(gè)詞的次數(shù)越多，我越是明白自己早已知道它的意思。我身上正體現(xiàn)出女權(quán)主義在農(nóng)場(chǎng)的現(xiàn)狀。我已經(jīng)付諸實(shí)踐了。這都是我的母牛教我的。