跟人沒話聊？這5個簡單原則讓你迅速擺脫尬聊

The key to being a better conversationalist is to be an attention-giver rather than an attention-getter. This means you begin to concentrate more on the person you're speaking with, and on gratifying their needs instead of your own.

想成為侃侃而談的人，關(guān)鍵是給予關(guān)注而不是獲得關(guān)注。這意味著你要把更多的精力集中在和你講話的人身上，滿足他們的需求而不是自己的需求。

Use People's Names More

多說對方的名字

We are more likely to be in tune with others when they say our name. Dale Carnegie, an author of public speaking and interpersonal skills books, previously said our names are “the sweetest and most important sound” to us. In conversation, you can use this to your advantage by asking for their name, and then dropping their name occasionally throughout the conversation later on.

當別人說出我們的名字時，我們會更可能和他們保持在一個頻道上。公共演講和人際關(guān)系類書籍作者戴爾•卡耐基曾說過，對人們而言，自己的名字是“最甜美、最重要的聲音”。在交談中你可以充分利用這一點，先詢問對方的名字，然后在后面的談話中偶爾提到它。

The ability to remember someone's name has been linked to people being more likely to help you, more likely to buy from you, and is seen as a compliment. A study in the Journal of Consumer Research found using people's names is a complementary means of persuasion. When we hear our name, we automatically shift our attention to the speaker, which creates an illusion that we are important.

記住別人名字的能力讓你更容易獲得幫助、更有可能售出商品，這種行為被視為一種贊美?！断M者研究期刊》上的一項研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，使用人名是增強說服力的方法。當我們聽到自己的名字時，會自動把注意力轉(zhuǎn)移到說話者身上，產(chǎn)生一種我們很重要的幻覺。

Encourage People To Talk About Themselves

鼓勵人們談論自己

Talking about ourselves triggers the same sensation of pleasure in the brain as food or money. A study in PNAS found individuals place high subjective value on opportunities to communicate their thoughts and feelings to others. This engages neural and cognitive mechanisms linked with reward.

談論自己能像食物和金錢一樣讓我們的大腦產(chǎn)生一種愉悅感?！睹绹鴩铱茖W院院刊》上的一篇研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，個體在交流思想情感時會帶入強烈的主觀價值。這里涉及到與獎賞有關(guān)的神經(jīng)和認知機制。

Self-disclosure is so extreme people were willing to forgo money in order to talk about themselves, according to the researchers. An attention-giver will give their undivided attention to the individual, and allow them to focus the conversation on themselves to feel important.

研究人員稱，自我表露是非常極端的，以至于為了談論自己，人們可以不去想金錢。一名注意力給予者會全心全意地關(guān)注對方，并允許他們把談話焦點放在自己身上，使他們感到自己很重要。

Repeat The Last Three Words

重復最后三個單詞

Repetition is ideal when it comes to good communication skills, especially repeating the last three words of a conversation; this is known as "The Echo Effect." Simply repeating the last two or three words an individual said in a sympathetic, questioning tone will allow the conversation to go back to the person, and make them feel more important. A study in Journal of Language and Social Psychology found mirroring people's words can be a very important skill in building likability, rapport, and social cohesion.

重復是完美的溝通訣竅，特別是重復一次談話中的最后三個字：這就是所謂的“回聲效應”。用感同身受、帶著疑問的語氣簡單重復一個人說過的最后兩三個字，就會讓對話回到對方身上，讓他們感覺自己更加重要?！墩Z言與社會心理學期刊》上的一項研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，重復別人的話語是建立好感度、融洽氣氛以及社會凝聚力的重要技巧。

Emphasize Similarities

強調(diào)共性

Naturally, we tend to bond with people who are like us. However, we seem to be unaware of this fact. A study in Evolutionary Psychology found when individuals were asked what they wanted in a partner, the majority said they would prefer a complementary partner rather than a similar one. However, the individuals were more likely to choose a partner who they thought was very similar to them.

我們天生傾向于和同類建立聯(lián)系。然而，我們似乎沒有意識到這點?！哆M化心理學》上的一篇研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，當被問到想要什么樣的伴侶時，大多數(shù)人表示，他們更喜歡和自己互補的伴侶，而不是和自己相似的。然而，人們更可能選擇自己眼中的同類作為伴侶。

In reality, this shows we're not influenced by our friends after we meet them, we organically gravitate towards them because they're just like us. With total strangers, we can use this to our advantage, and shift the conversation to topics you're both interested in. This gets them to talk about things they like, as you’re being receptive about this similarity.

事實上，這說明我們和朋友見面后不會受到他們的影響。我們自然而然地被他們吸引，是因為他們和我們很像。和完全陌生的人接觸時，也可以利用這點，把談話引到你們都感興趣的話題上。這樣對方就能夠談論他喜歡的事情，因為你對這種相似性很容易接受。

Gossip Positively

正面八卦

Not all gossip is bad gossip, especially when it comes to compliments. A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found what you say about others colors how people see you. If you compliment people, you're likely to be seen positively; if you complain, you're likely to be associated with those negative traits you hate. When you gossip about others, listeners unconsciously associate you with those characteristics you're describing, eventually having those traits 'transferred' on to you.

并非所有的八卦都是不好的閑話，尤其是贊美的話。《人格與社會心理學》雜志上的一項研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，你對別人的評價會影響別人對你的看法。如果你贊美別人，聽眾也會用積極的眼光來看待你;如果你抱怨別人，聽眾可能會把你和那些你討厭的消極品質(zhì)聯(lián)系在一起。當你八卦別人的時候，聽眾會不自覺地把你所描述的那些特征和你聯(lián)系在一起，最終把這些特征“轉(zhuǎn)移”到你身上。

Rule of thumb: if you're going to gossip about people, do it in a positive way.

經(jīng)驗法則：如果你要聊別人的八卦，就聊正面的內(nèi)容。