新手媽媽的誕生

For most women, pregnancy and new motherhood is a joy — at least some of the time. But most mothers also experience worry, disappointment, guilt, competition, frustration, and even anger and fear.

對于大多數(shù)女性來說，懷孕和成為母親都是一種快樂——至少在某些時候是的。但大多數(shù)母親也經(jīng)歷了擔(dān)心、失望、內(nèi)疚、競爭心態(tài)、沮喪甚至憤怒以及恐懼。

As the psychiatrist Daniel Stern explained in the 1990s in his books “The Motherhood Constellation” and “The Birth of a Mother,” giving birth to a new identity can be as demanding as giving birth to a baby.

精神科醫(yī)生丹尼爾·斯特恩(Daniel Stern)在上世紀(jì)90年代的書《母親星座》(The Motherhood Constellation)和《母親的誕生》(The Birth of a Mother)中解釋過，就像生孩子一樣，獲得一個新的身份也同樣磨人。

Dr. Stern showed that becoming a mother is an identity shift, and one of the most significant physical and psychological changes a woman will ever experience.

斯特恩博士表示，成為母親是一種身份上的轉(zhuǎn)變，是女性可以體驗到的最重要的身心變化之一。

The process of becoming a mother, which anthropologists call “matrescence,” has been largely unexplored in the medical community. Instead of focusing on the woman’s identity transition, more research is focused on how the baby turns out. But a woman’s story, in addition to how her psychology impacts her parenting, is important to examine, too. Of course, this transition is also significant for fathers and partners, but women who go through the hormonal changes of pregnancy may have a specific neurobiological experience.

成為母親的過程，被人類學(xué)家稱為“matrescence”，醫(yī)學(xué)界基本上沒有對它進(jìn)行過什么探討。醫(yī)學(xué)研究更多地集中在嬰兒如何誕生上，而不是女性的身份轉(zhuǎn)換上。但除了心理變化如何影響育兒之外，女人的經(jīng)歷也是非常需要仔細(xì)檢查的。當(dāng)然，這種過渡對于父親和伴侶而言也很重要，但是懷孕激素的變化，可能導(dǎo)致給女性帶來特定的神經(jīng)生物學(xué)體驗。

When people have more insight into their emotions, they can be more in control of their behaviors. So even when the focus remains on the child, understanding the psychology of pregnant and postpartum women can help promote healthier parenting. Mothers with greater awareness of their own psychology may be more empathetic to their children’s emotions.

人們對自己情緒有更多認(rèn)識后，就能夠加強(qiáng)對自身行為的控制。因此，即使重心依然在孩子身上，了解孕產(chǎn)婦的心理可以幫助提升更健康的育兒方式。對自己心理的認(rèn)識更清楚的母親，可能更能理解孩子的情緒。

Knowing the challenges of matrescence will normalize and validate how new mothers may be feeling. These are the four key things to look out for:

知道成為一個母親這個過程面臨的挑戰(zhàn)，會讓新手媽媽可能出現(xiàn)的感受變得正常，并得到認(rèn)可。下面是四個需要注意的關(guān)鍵問題：

Changing Family Dynamics: Having a baby is an act of creation. Pregnancy is more than creating a new human, it’s also creating a new family. A baby is the catalyst that will open new possibilities for more intimate connections as well as new stresses in a woman’s closest relationships with her partner, siblings and friends.

不斷變化的家庭動態(tài)：生兒育女是一個創(chuàng)造行為。懷孕不僅僅是創(chuàng)造一個新的生命，還是創(chuàng)造一個新的家庭。孩子會充當(dāng)催化劑，開辟新的可能性：建立更加密切的關(guān)系，以及女性與伴侶、兄弟姐妹和朋友最親密的關(guān)系出現(xiàn)新的壓力。

In her 2012 book “The Maternal Lineage,” Paola Mariotti, a psychoanalyst and fellow of the British Psychoanalytical Society, says that a woman’s maternal identity is founded in her mother’s style, which in turn was influenced by how she was raised.

在2012年的著作《母系血統(tǒng)》(The Maternal Lineage)中，精神分析學(xué)家、英國精神分析協(xié)會(The British Psychoanalytical Society)會員葆拉·馬里奧蒂(Paola Mariotti)說，一個女性身為母親的身份建立在她母親的風(fēng)格基礎(chǔ)之上，而她母親的風(fēng)格反過來又受她自己成長經(jīng)歷的影響。

Whether a woman parents her child as her mother raised her, or adopts a different style, becoming a mother provides an opportunity for a do-over. In a way, a woman gets to re-experience her own childhood in the act of parenting, repeating what was good, and trying to improve what was not. If a woman had a difficult relationship with her mother, she may try to be the mother she wishes she’d had.

不管一名女性是依照母親撫養(yǎng)自己的方式養(yǎng)育子女，還是采用不同的方法，為人母都提供了一個重新來過的機(jī)會。一定程度上，女性會在養(yǎng)育子女的過程中重新體驗自己的童年時代，她們會重現(xiàn)那些美好的事情，并試圖改進(jìn)不太好的方面。如果一名女性和自己的母親關(guān)系不好，那她或許會設(shè)法成為她希望自己擁有的那種母親。

Ambivalence: The British psychotherapist Rozsika Parker wrote in “Torn in Two: The Experience of Maternal Ambivalence” about the pull and push of wanting a child close, and also craving space (physically and emotionally) as the normal wave of motherhood. Ambivalence is a feeling that comes up in the roles and relationships a person is most invested in, because they’re always a juggling act between giving and taking. Motherhood is no exception. Part of why people have a hard time dealing with ambivalence is that it’s uncomfortable to feel two opposing things at the same time.

矛盾：英國心理治療師羅澤西卡·帕克(Rozsika Parker)在《撕裂：為人母的矛盾體驗》(Torn in Two: The Experience of Maternal Ambivalence) 中，談及了為人母過程中正常的潮起潮落，一種來回拉鋸的心態(tài)：既想要和孩子親密接觸，又企盼擁有(實體和情感)空間。一個人在花費最大心力扮演種種角色、維系種種關(guān)系之際，常常有矛盾之感。因為這些向來都是關(guān)乎付出和索取的兼顧之舉。為人母也不例外。人們應(yīng)對矛盾時之所以覺得困難，在某種程度上是因為同時有兩種截然相反的感受會讓人很不舒服。

Most of the time, the experience of motherhood is not good orbad, it’s both good and bad. It’s important to learn how to tolerate, and even get comfortable with the discomfort of ambivalence.

大多數(shù)時候，為人母的體驗既不是美好，也不是糟糕，而是既美好又糟糕。重要的是學(xué)會如何忍受令人不舒服的矛盾之感，乃至與其和平共處。

Fantasy vs. Reality: The psychoanalyst Joan Raphael-Leff, the head of the University College London Anna Freud Centre academic faculty for psychoanalytic research, explains that by the time the baby arrives, a woman has already developed feelings about her fantasy baby. As a pregnancy progresses, a woman creates a story about her make-believe child and becomes emotionally invested in that story.

夢幻vs現(xiàn)實：倫敦大學(xué)學(xué)院(University College London)安娜佛洛伊德中心(Anna Freud Centre)精神分析研究學(xué)術(shù)人員主管、精神分析師瓊·拉斐爾-萊夫(Joan Raphael-Leff)解釋說，到寶寶降生時，女性已經(jīng)發(fā)展出了對自己的夢幻寶寶的感情。隨著孕期的推進(jìn)，女性會編排出一個關(guān)于虛幻寶寶的故事，并充滿感情地投入其中。

A woman’s fantasies of pregnancy and motherhood are informed by her observations of the experiences of her own mother and other female relatives and friends and her community and culture. They may be powerful enough that reality disappoints if it doesn’t align with her vision.

女性對于懷孕和養(yǎng)育子女的幻想，源于她的觀察，對象是自己的母親以及其他女性親友的經(jīng)歷，還有其社群和文化的狀況。這些幻想或許會極具影響力，如果現(xiàn)實與幻想不相符，她就會感到失望。

Guilt, Shame and “The Good Enough Mother”: There’s also the ideal mother in a woman’s mind. She’s always cheerful and happy, and always puts her child’s needs first. She has few needs of her own. She doesn’t make decisions that she regrets. Most women compare themselves to that mother, but they never measure up because she’s a fantasy. Some women think that “good enough” (a phrase coined by the pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott) is not acceptable, because it sounds like settling. But striving for perfection sets women up to feel shame and guilt.

愧疚、羞恥和“足夠好的母親”：女性心中也會有一個理想母親的形象。她總是歡樂幸福，總是以子女的需要為先。她自己沒什么需要。她不會做出讓自己后悔的決定。大部分女性都會把自己和這樣一個母親做比較，但她們永遠(yuǎn)無法與之媲美，因為這是一個虛幻人物。一些母親認(rèn)為“足夠好”(由兒科醫(yī)生和精神分析師唐納德·溫尼科特[Donald Winnicott]提出的一種說法)是不可接受的，因為它聽上去像是將就與湊合。但力求完美最終會讓女性感到愧疚和羞恥。

Mothers will feel guilty because they’re always making challenging and sometimes impossible choices. At times they are required to put their own needs over those of their child. Most women don’t talk about feeling ashamed because it’s usually about something that they don’t want anyone else to know. Shame is the feeling that there’s something wrong with me. This is often the result of comparing yourself to an unrealistic, unattainable standard.

媽媽們會感覺內(nèi)疚，是因為她們總是在做有挑戰(zhàn)性、有時甚至不可能實現(xiàn)的選擇。她們時常被要求將自己的需求放在孩子的需求之下。大多數(shù)女性不會談起自己羞愧的感覺，因為那通常是她們不想讓別人知道的東西。羞愧是一種我出了問題的感覺。這往往是將自己與一種不現(xiàn)實、無法企及的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)做比較帶來的后果。

Too many women are ashamed to speak openly about their complicated experiences for fear of being judged. This type of social isolation may even trigger postpartum depression.

因為怕被別人評判，有太多的女性不好意思公開談?wù)撍齻兊膹?fù)雜體驗。這種社會隔絕甚至可能會引發(fā)產(chǎn)后抑郁。

When women find themselves feeling lost somewhere between who they were before motherhood and who they think they should be now, many worry that something is terribly wrong, when in fact this discomfort is absolutely common.

當(dāng)女性發(fā)現(xiàn)自己在做母親之前的自己和現(xiàn)在應(yīng)該成為的自己之間感到迷失時，有不少人會擔(dān)心是自己出了什么大問題，而實際上這種不適是極其普遍的。

In the April issue of Glamour magazine, the model Chrissy Teigen became the latest in a series of celebrities who announced her struggle with postpartum depression. She joined Adele, Gwyneth Paltrow, Brooke Shields and other prominent women who have used their platforms to call attention to this serious condition.

在《魅力》(Glamour)雜志4月刊中，模特克麗茜·泰根(Chrissy Teigen)成了最新一位宣布自己患上產(chǎn)后抑郁癥的名人。在她之前，還有阿黛爾(Adele)、格溫妮絲·帕特洛(Gwyneth Paltrow)、波姬·小絲(Brooke Shields)，及其他利用自身的平臺呼吁人們關(guān)注這個嚴(yán)重問題的杰出女性。

Postpartum depression is an underdiagnosed and undertreated public health issue that affects 10 to 15 percent of mothers. But many other mothers may still be struggling with the transition to motherhood.

產(chǎn)后抑郁是一種較少被診斷出且沒有得到足夠治療的公共健康問題，會被10-15%的母親碰到。但其他許多母親或許也在艱難地應(yīng)對母親身份的轉(zhuǎn)換。

Consider the Instagram image of the pregnant and postpartum supermom: a nurturing, organized, sexy-but-modest multitasker who glows during prenatal yoga and seems unfazed by the challenges of leaking breasts, dirty laundry and sleep training. This woman is a fiction. She’s an unrealistic example of perfection that makes other women feel inadequate when they pursue and can’t achieve that impossible standard.

想想懷孕和產(chǎn)后的超級媽媽們在Instagram發(fā)布的照片：同時進(jìn)行著多個任務(wù)，顯得十分有愛、井井有條、性感而又端莊，在做產(chǎn)前瑜伽時熠熠生輝，遇到溢奶、臟衣服、睡眠訓(xùn)練等挑戰(zhàn)時似乎也泰然自若。這個女人是一個假象。她是一個不切實際的完美例子，會讓其他女性在追求和難以達(dá)到不可能實現(xiàn)的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)時感到力不從心。

As the Yale psychiatrist Rosemary H. Balsam showed in an article in February in the Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association, the history of psychiatrists ignoring how pregnancy impacts a woman’s development can be traced back to Freud. Women are often left with a false binary: They either have postpartum depression or they should breeze through the transition to motherhood.

就像耶魯大學(xué)精神病學(xué)家羅斯瑪麗·H·鮑爾薩姆(Rosemary H. Balsam)在今年2月發(fā)表在《美國精神分析協(xié)會期刊》(Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association)的一篇論文中所展示的，精神病學(xué)家忽視懷孕對女性發(fā)展的影響的歷史可以追溯至弗洛伊德(Freud)。女性往往會被錯誤地二元歸類：要么患上產(chǎn)后抑郁癥，要么輕松地完成向母親角色的轉(zhuǎn)變。

Knowing the causes of distress and feeling comfortable talking about them with others is critical to growing into a well-adjusted mother. It will help new mothers and those around them to acknowledge that while postpartum depression is an extreme manifestation of the transition to motherhood, even those who do not experience it are undergoing a significant transformation.

知道不適的原因并且可以自在和其他人談?wù)撍鼈?，對成長為一名適應(yīng)良好的母親是至關(guān)重要的。它將有助于新晉媽媽及其周圍的人認(rèn)識到，盡管產(chǎn)后抑郁是向母親角色轉(zhuǎn)換的一種極端表現(xiàn)，但哪怕是沒有這種問題的母親也在經(jīng)歷一項重要的轉(zhuǎn)變。