丈夫最不想聽妻子嘮叨的九句話

You’re bound to say some tone-deaf things to your spouse every so often ― but there are some phrases you should absolutely never say.

你一定經(jīng)常嘮叨一些話，但你的配偶對(duì)此置若罔聞。不過有些話最好還是不要再講了。

We asked couple therapists to share the most annoying things men report hearing from their spouses. Of course, it goes both ways.

我們向一些情感診療專家咨詢了這些丈夫最不想聽到的話。反之亦然。

1. “Nevermind, I’ll just do it myself.”

1.“沒事，我自己來。”

Marriage pro tip: When you ask your spouse to call the plumber to fix the sink, give him a chance to do it. Rolling your eyes and saying, “nevermind, I’ll do it myself” may result in you getting your sink fixed sooner, but it’s also likely to rub your spouse the wrong way.

婚姻小貼士：在你需要丈夫幫忙打電話叫水管工來修洗碗槽時(shí)，不妨直接讓他來修理，別對(duì)他翻個(gè)白眼說“算了，我自己來。”也許這樣做洗碗槽可以很快修好，但夫妻關(guān)系很可能會(huì)因此產(chǎn)生裂痕。

“Chances are, he wants to help you and make you happy,” said Anne Crowley, an Austin, Texas-based psychologist. “It’s a frustrating phrase for a husband to hear because it suggests you don’t think he’s capable of completing the task and don’t need him.”

美國得克薩斯州奧斯汀市的心理學(xué)家安妮•克勞利指出：“他說不定很想幫助你，順便討你歡心。但如果你直接和他說你不需要，會(huì)讓他頓感挫敗，讓他覺得你在質(zhì)疑他的能力，甚至你根本不需要他。”

2. “You should have known.”

2.“你應(yīng)該懂我的意思。”

You’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you expect your hubby to decipher every last gesture and statement you make, said Ryan Howes, a clinical psychologist based in Pasadena, California.

美國加州帕沙迪納市的臨床心理學(xué)家瑞恩•豪斯認(rèn)為，如果妻子期待丈夫能通過自己的每一個(gè)手勢(shì)和每一段話語來讀懂自己的心，一定會(huì)大失所望。

“Women become upset when their husbands can’t read between the lines or read their minds but guys are notoriously poor mind readers,” he said. “Wives will save themselves a lot of grief if they can come to accept this and just ask for what they want.”

豪斯說：“妻子會(huì)因?yàn)檎煞蚵牪怀鲎约旱南彝庵艋蚴强床煌缸约旱男⌒⌒乃级鴤摹５行员緛砭筒簧瞄L讀心術(shù)。如果女士們都能接受這一點(diǎn)，說清自己到底想要什么，也就不必為此太難過。”

3. “Do you think she’s hot?”

3.“你覺得她好看嗎?”

Do you really want to know your husband’s thoughts about an attractive woman? Probably not ― plus, you’re putting your spouse in an uncomfortable, no-win situation, said Kurt Smith, a therapist who specializes in counseling men.

你是真的想知道丈夫如何看待那些窈窕淑女的嗎?恐怕不是這樣的。男性咨詢方面的治療師庫爾特•史密斯認(rèn)為，這么問只會(huì)將你的另一半置于無所適從的雙輸境地。

“Most men have already identified the pretty women in the room; if he’s trying to respect you then he should be already trying not to look, so you pointing her out will only make him more self-conscious, uncomfortable and unsure of what to do to not upset you or hurt your feelings,” he said.

史密斯說：“誰是這屋子里的漂亮女人，丈夫們大多心中有數(shù);但為了表示對(duì)妻子的尊重，他們會(huì)盡量不去看這些漂亮女人。如果妻子非要指著某一位詢問丈夫的看法，只會(huì)讓他變得更加局促不安、心神不定，不知道如何做才能不讓你失望，不傷害你的感情。”

4. “We need to talk.”

4.“我想我們?cè)摵煤谜務(wù)劻恕?rdquo;

No four words strike fear into a married man’s heart quite like “we need to talk.” Opt for something less ominous sounding the next time you bring up an issue, said Marcia Naomi Berger, a therapist and author of Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted.

沒有什么話比“我想我們?cè)摵煤谜務(wù)劻?rdquo;這句更令丈夫們心驚膽戰(zhàn)的了。下次談話的時(shí)候還是選一個(gè)更加吉利的開頭吧，著有《婚姻會(huì)議使愛情持久：每周30分鐘，給你想要的愛情》一書的治療專家瑪西亞•內(nèi)奧米•伯格如是說道。

“The phrase ‘we need to talk’ is often a signal that the wife has complaints or criticism about the husband,” she said. “He assumes he somehow failed you and withdraws, creating a disconnect, which is the exact opposite of what you were trying to accomplish.”

她表示：“當(dāng)妻子說出‘我想我們?cè)摵煤谜務(wù)劻?rsquo;，意味著她對(duì)丈夫有了諸多抱怨與意見。丈夫會(huì)猜測(cè)他可能哪里得罪了妻子，于是消極對(duì)待，主動(dòng)失聯(lián)，讓妻子根本沒辦法和他談下去。”

5. “Man up.”

5.“能不能有點(diǎn)男人樣。”

Seriously? There’s no right or wrong way to be a man. For your spouse’s sake, let your gender expectations go and try to have a civil conversation.

開玩笑，像不像個(gè)男人根本沒有確切的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。為了你和丈夫之間的感情，你最好還是放下有關(guān)性別的言論，換用其他更為禮貌的話語。

“Telling your spouse to ‘man up’ is a brutal attack on his core identity,” Howes said. “It’s a statement loaded with contempt and shame and could create relationship damage that will be difficult to heal.”

豪斯說：“對(duì)你的丈夫說‘能不能有點(diǎn)男人樣’是對(duì)他男性身份的強(qiáng)烈沖擊。這句話滿含蔑視與羞辱，會(huì)對(duì)你們之間的感情造成難以彌補(bǔ)的傷害。”

6. “Pick up after yourself. I’m not your mother.”

6.“就不會(huì)自己收拾收拾?我又不是你媽。”

There are better ways to encourage your spouse to put his dirty socks in the hamper than telling him you’re tired of feeling like his mom.

與其向丈夫抱怨自己為他操碎了心，不如直接讓他自己把臟襪子放進(jìn)洗衣籃里。

“Many men are sensitive about their relationship with their mother, so suggesting he still wants or needs his mom is not a way to encourage him to change behavior you don’t like ,” Smith said.

史密斯說：“許多男人對(duì)自己和母親的關(guān)系很敏感，所以就算你嫌棄他現(xiàn)在還跟個(gè)孩子一樣需要母親照顧，他也不會(huì)有所改變。”

7. “You never, you should have, you ought to...”

7.“你不能這樣，你本來可以這樣，你應(yīng)該這樣……”

Sorry, but chiding your spouse about how he never does the dishes (or takes out the trash or drives the kids to school) isn’t likely to inspire change, Berger said.

很遺憾，責(zé)罵丈夫從未洗過碗(或者倒過垃圾甚至開車送孩子上學(xué))可以說是徒勞無功的，伯格這樣說道。

“It’s much better to say, ‘I’d appreciate it if you would empty the dishwasher tonight,’ for example. And when he does, thank him and you can expect more help in the future,” she said.

她解釋：“你最好這樣說，‘如果你今晚能把碗洗了的話，我會(huì)很開心。’諸如此類。一旦他同意了，別忘了謝謝他，這樣說不定下次他還愿意幫你干活。”

8. “You’ve put on a few pounds lately, huh?”

8.“喂，你最近是不是又胖了?”

Instead of pointing out changes in your spouse’s appearance, be supportive and tell him you’d love if he joined you at your cycle class sometime, said Becky Whetstone, a Little Rock, Arkansas-based therapist.

美國阿肯色州小石城的治療專家貝基•懷特斯通認(rèn)為，與其對(duì)另一半的外貌變化指指點(diǎn)點(diǎn)，不如以愛之名，勸他和你一起去上健身課。

“Insinuating that his body is not like it once was will shrink his confidence ― and he’ll probably up his calorie intake just to spite you!”

“含沙射影地嘲笑他的身材大不如從前會(huì)打擊他的自信心，他可能會(huì)因此繼續(xù)攝入更多的卡路里，這么做只為激怒你!”

9. “You’re going out with the guys again?”

9.“你又準(zhǔn)備出去和你的狐朋狗友鬼混?”

Don’t look at Fantasy Football meet-ups and golf trips as threats to your marriage. It’s quite the opposite, actually; some time apart will likely do your relationship good, Howes said.

豪斯建議，別總擔(dān)心夢(mèng)幻足球線下聚會(huì)和高爾夫球旅行會(huì)威脅到你們的婚姻幸福，其實(shí)情況恰恰相反。俗話說得好，小別勝新婚。

“Yes, sometimes a guy’s night is just an excuse to drink and fart but for many guys these are crucial times to connect, seek advice, get support and express some important emotions,” he said. “Wives who feel threatened by this or forbid their husband from attending may be cutting off a vital support system.”

他表示：“當(dāng)然，丈夫們所謂的夜生活有時(shí)不過是想找個(gè)地方酗酒和發(fā)泄的借口，但大部分情況下，這是找朋友談天說地，尋求建議，獲得支持，傾吐心聲的重要時(shí)刻。要是妻子們對(duì)此心有疑慮或阻止丈夫出門，可能會(huì)喪失重要的外援團(tuán)。”

The biggest bonus of guy time, according to Howes, “There’s a good chance he’ll actually be a better husband if he can compare notes with other husbands and dads.”

關(guān)于這種朋友聚會(huì)帶來的最大收獲，豪斯是這樣解釋的：“在交流中，丈夫可以向其他同為人夫?yàn)槿烁傅呐笥褌內(nèi)∪〗?jīng)，幫助他成為一個(gè)更好的丈夫。”