愛情專家：選擇伴侶跟選擇寵物類似

 

Do you always go for the wrong men, but have the most perfect pet? Then this relationship advice may be for you.

你是否總是會遇上錯的人，卻擁有一只最適合你的寵物?那么不妨看看以下這條戀愛建議。

A leading love expert has suggested there are parallels between picking the perfect partner and the way you choose your dog.

一位著名的愛情專家認為，人們在選擇最佳伴侶時有點類似于選擇寵物狗。

Author and relationship coach Dr Annie Kaszina Ph.D - who is the first to admit she has her own chequered relationship history - discovered that by applying these principles she could finally make the right choices.

安妮博士是作家兼人際關系教練。作為第一個勇于承認自己復雜戀愛史的人，她發(fā)現(xiàn)采用一些法則會使她做出正確的選擇。

When Annie met Orlandino it was love at first sight: the big brown eyes, the irresistible looks, the knack he had of making her laugh.

當安妮第一眼看到歐蘭迪諾(Orlandino)時，便覺得他十分可愛。歐蘭迪諾擁有一雙棕色的大眼睛及令人無法抗拒的外表。他的一些小花招逗得安妮開懷大笑。

But sadly, he wasn't a keeper. Beneath that charming exterior lay some unsavoury habits and a difficult and a very demanding personality.

但令人傷心的是，他并不是那個值得安妮珍惜的人。他迷人的外表之下掩藏的是令人討厭的習慣和執(zhí)拗苛刻的個性。

Orlandino was the dog from hell.

歐蘭迪諾就是一只地獄冥犬。

What Annie learned from that encounter set her on the path to becoming a women's relationship coach.

安妮在這段感情中領悟到的事情使她成為了一名女性人際關系教練。

She learned her lesson, chose her second dog - and her current lovely partner - with a lot more care, and has since taught hundreds of women simple ways to spot the right man for them, using her pet as the template.

她吸取經(jīng)驗教訓，精心挑選了她的第二只狗，也是目前陪伴她的可愛伴侶。安妮用自己的狗作為例子，教導上百位女性如何用最簡單的方式選擇屬于她們的真命天子。

Now Annie shares ten of her tips with Femail readers, inspired by her new book, entitled Do You Choose Your Dog More Carefully Than Your Husband?, which comes out on Valentine's Day.

日前，安妮同F(xiàn)email的讀者分享了十條小貼士。這十條貼士源于她即將在情人節(jié)出版的新書——《你是否選擇狗狗比選擇丈夫更仔細》。

1. Temperament is king

性格才是王道

Mean, moody, and magnificent may sound exciting… So, too, may the idea of taking on a challenge, or 'taming' someone 'wild'.

吝嗇卑鄙、喜怒無常、高貴華麗也許聽起來令人興奮無比，但也有可能意味著面臨挑戰(zhàn)，或是馴服某個野蠻粗魯?shù)娜恕?/p>

Unfortunately, they lead to hard work relationships; and hard work relationships lead to emotional exhaustion and breakdown.

但不幸的是，脾氣不好的人會導致感情變得難以維系，而難以維系的感情又會導致情感耗竭和感情破裂。

Better to look for someone sunny and sweet-natured.

最好是找個個性陽光、脾氣好的人。

Think about the way a date projects himself on first meeting and beyond. Why would pessimism or negativity be an aphrodisiac?

仔細想想你的約會對象在第一次約會和之后的約會中是怎樣表現(xiàn)自己的。為什么悲觀消極的情緒會成為一種催情劑?

2. Check the pedigree

了解背景

Obviously, this is simpler with dogs than it is with people, and can't be settled on a first date. But then Rome wasn't built in a day, and nor should relationships be.

顯然，了解狗狗的血統(tǒng)明顯要比了解一個人的背景要容易得多，而且這不可能在第一次約會時就了解透徹。羅馬不是一天建成的，戀愛關系也是如此。

You can listen to the way they talk about parents, family members, and friends.

你可以從他們對父母、家庭成員以及朋友的描述中獲取一些相關信息。

If they come across as Billy-no-mates, there is cause for concern.

如果他們給你的印象是朋友寥寥無幾，那你就得小心了。

3. Beware yappiness

注意言談

Unless you're okay with saddling yourself with Mr I'm Great, Mr Alpha Male, Mr In Love With The Sound of His Own Voice, or Mr Life and Soul of the Party, be careful of over-talkers.

小心那些喋喋不休的人，除非你能忍受同自戀者、大男子主義者、喜歡自己聲音的人或是派對上的活躍分子相處。

Incessant talking on a first date may be a sign of nerves, but also a lack of interest in the other person and a lack of social skills.

第一次約會時的喋喋不休可能是緊張的表現(xiàn)，也可能是因為他對他人沒興趣或缺乏社交技巧。

They need to take an interest in you too (This holds just as true for Strong, Silent Types).

約會對象也需要表現(xiàn)出對你感興趣的樣子(這一點適用于安靜的壯漢)。

Asking non-intrusive questions is not rocket science.

問一些不侵犯他人隱私的問題并不是一件復雜的事。

4. Good manners

禮貌

This goes without saying. But it's not limited to table manners.

這一點不言而喻，但這并不只是指餐桌禮儀。

Snarliness towards waiters, children, and anyone outside the charmed circle of you and your date is a bad sign of things to come.

怒罵服務生、孩子、交際圈之外的人或者約會對象，不好的事情就會發(fā)生。

Selective good manners actually suggest that those manners are not deeply ingrained and may soon melt away.

選擇性禮貌事實上暗示著它們并未深入人心，也許很快就會消失殆盡。

5. Over-exuberance

感情過于熱烈

Pushy does not mean keen. It means pushy.

一意孤行就是它的字面意思，而非熱切的渴望。

First date pushiness is the sign of someone who doesn't respect boundaries and will end up pushing you into emotional corners.

第一次約會時表現(xiàn)出的一意孤行可以看作是不尊重他人底線的表現(xiàn)，這會破壞感情進一步發(fā)展的可能。

6. Good behaviour

良好的行為舉止

Many a woman who has overlooked a little first date leering - at other women - has lived to rue the day.

許多女性曾在第一次約會時忽略了約會對象對其他女性暗送秋波的細節(jié)，事后想起都會為此而懊悔。

You have standards for how you would dress and behave on a first date. Your date should, too.

對于第一次約會時的穿著和舉止，你應該要有自己的一套標準。你的約會對象也應如此。

If your date's behaviour violates your standards in any way that's a clear sign that you could be in for a rough ride.

如果約會時的行為舉止與自定的標準不同，那么你將會踏上一條曲折的感情之路。

7. Docility

性情溫順

You want your date to be sensitive and responsive to your wishes.

你理想中的約會對象應該是一個能察覺到你愿望并幫你實現(xiàn)它的人。

Choosing your meal for you, unasked, or making decisions for you without consulting you is a clear sign of wanting to be top dog.

一個人沒有詢問你意見就幫你點菜的，或是沒有同你商量就擅自幫你做決定，很明顯，他想成為你們關系中的主導者。

Do you want to be reduced to playing Bottom Dog?

難道你想淪為感情中的弱者嗎?

8. Playfulness

能給你帶來快樂

You want someone not just to have fun with, but someone who's fun to be around.

你不僅希望可以同約會對象相處愉快，還希望他能給周圍的人帶來快樂。

That doesn't necessarily mean someone who acts like a kid - what long-term kids are actually looking for is second mummies. You want someone who you feel comfortable enough around to be silly with.

但這并不意味著約會對象的行為舉止要表現(xiàn)得像個孩子。一個像孩子一樣總長不大的人實際上是要為自己再找一個媽媽。你理想中的伴侶應該是一個能讓你覺得舒心的人，即使你和他在一起時像個傻瓜。

9. Beware rogue breeders

當心周圍瘋狂的約會發(fā)起者

If you've been single for a while, friends may take it upon themselves to set you up with 'lovely dates'.

如果你處于感情空窗期有一段時間，你的朋友們可能會為你策劃一場美好的約會，主動肩負起給你介紹對象的重任。

Just because they find that date 'lovely' in the context in which they know them doesn't mean you will.

她們認為一場約會是美好的，并不代表對你而言也是一樣的。

You wouldn't buy a house just on the say-so of Mrs Bloggs three doors down.

你不會因為住在離你三戶遠的布洛格斯太太(MrsBloggs)隨口說的一句話，就買下一座房子。

You always have to do your own due diligence.

所以，你要認真地考慮問題。

10. Leave the paperwork at home

丟掉幻想

Women are terrible at playing 'Fantasy Future' - they go on a first date and, provided the man isn't an obvious freak or psychopathic monster, they get busy imagining their future life with that person.

女性在幻想美好方面往往很不成功。她們在第一次約會時，只要男性不是一個情緒反復無常的怪人或是精神失常的怪物，接下來，她們開始忙于沉浸在和約會對象未來生活的幻想中。

A first date is not designed to be a marriage contract., it's simply the start of getting to know another person.

第一次約會并不是要制定一份結(jié)婚條約，而是雙方相互了解的開始。

If you find yourself fantasising about that happy future, take a cold shower, or speak to a grounded friend.

如果你發(fā)覺自己開始沉浸在對未來的美好幻想之中，趕緊去洗個冷水澡或是找一位好友聊一聊。

Vocabulary:

parallel: 相似之處

chequered: 多變的

knack: 訣竅

unsavoury: 令人討厭的

demanding: 苛刻的

aphrodisiac: 催情藥

pedigree: 血統(tǒng)

alpha male: 大男子主義者

incessant: 不斷的

rocket science: 復雜的事

snarliness: 怒吼

ingrained: 根深蒂固的

exuberance: 感情洋溢

pushy: 一意孤行的

leering: 媚眼，秋波

rue: 后悔

top dog: 獲勝者

Bottom Dog: 失敗者

rogue: 兇猛的

grounded: 注重實際的