為什么我們不愛了？

為什么我們不愛了?

Very often, we find that two people who come together out of love grow apart as the years go by. Why does this happen?

我們身邊經(jīng)常會看到這樣的一對：他們因為愛情走到了一起，卻在多年后分開了。為什么會發(fā)生這樣的事兒?

Let's say you planted a coconut tree and a mango tree in your garden when they were young saplings, and they were the same height. You thought they would get along pretty well, a great love affair! And if both of them remained stunted and never grew, they would remain compatible. But if both of them grow to their full potential, they will grow to different heights, shapes and possibilities.

我來打個比方吧：你在花園里種了一棵椰子樹和芒果樹樹苗，它們栽下去的時候高度相同。你以為它們會相處得很好，多好的一對啊。的確，如果它們都發(fā)育不良長不大，它們彼此會相處得很好?？墒且撬麄儼l(fā)揮著充分的潛能生長著，那它們會長成不同的高度和形狀，就會有許許多多的可能。

If you are looking for sameness between two people, the relationship will always fall apart. After all, a man and a woman come together because they are different. So it is the differences that brought you together, and the differences may become starker and more manifest as one grows. Unless you learn to enjoy the differences as you grow, falling apart or growing apart will naturally happen. If you are expecting both people to grow in the same direction and in the same way, that is unfair to both people. It will curtail and suffocate both of their lives. Whether you fall apart in years, in months or in days simply depends on how fast you are growing.

如果你總是想找到兩個人間的共同之處，那這段關(guān)系多半會要無疾而終的。男人和女人走到一起正是因為彼此間的不同。是這些差異讓彼此吸引走到一起，而這些差異隨著每個人的成長也會越發(fā)突出和明顯。如果你做不到享受彼此在成長的過程中越來越大的差異，那么你們就很自然會出現(xiàn)隔閡，甚至分手。如果你期望兩個人都能朝著同一個方向用同樣的方式成長，這對兩個人都是不公平的，這也會壓抑和剝奪彼此的生活樂趣。所以分開只是時間問題，你們的愛情是有幾年、幾個月還是幾天的生命，只是取決于你們成長的速度有多快。

This whole expectation that the person who partners with you should be just like you is a sure way to destroy a relationship. It is a sure way to destroy the garden. Allow, nurture and enjoy the differences between you and your partner. Otherwise, the situation will be maintained in such a way where one person is compulsively dependent upon the other, or both people are compulsively dependent upon each other.

期待自己的伴侶和自己一樣，你肯定會毀掉一段感情，就像期待椰子樹和芒果樹一樣長大會毀了你的花園一樣。默許你們間的不同，培養(yǎng)并享受這種差異性。否則你們的關(guān)系就會保持這樣一種狀態(tài)：其中一方被迫依賴另一方，或者雙方都被迫依賴彼此。

We need to understand that relationships happen because of certain needs -- physical, emotional and psychological needs. Whatever the nature of the relationship, the fundamental aspect is you have a need to be fulfilled. We may claim many things for why we have formed a relationship, but if those needs and expectations are not fulfilled, relationships will go bad.

我們需要明白，一段感情是因為某些需求才會產(chǎn)生：生理需求，情感需求或者心理需求。不論感情的本質(zhì)是什么，一段感情最基礎(chǔ)的部分是你要有想要滿足的需求。我們可能會對一段感情要求很多東西，可是當這些需求和期望無法實現(xiàn)的時候，感情就會變質(zhì)。

And as people grow and mature, these needs change. When these needs change, what looked like everything between two people will not feel the same after some time. But we do not have to base a relationship on these same needs forever and feel that the relationship is over. We can always make the relationship mature into something else.

隨著人們長大成熟，他們的需求也會發(fā)生變化。而當這些變化發(fā)生時，兩個人之間所有的一切似乎都跟以前不同了。我們不要覺得那些永恒不變的需求才是一段感情的基礎(chǔ)，當需求變化了就覺得感情也結(jié)束了。我們的關(guān)系其實也可以更成熟。

Whatever the needs that brought people together need not be the fundamentals of a relationship forever. The very fundamentals of a relationship have to change as time passes, and as one ages and matures in many different ways. If that change is not made, growing apart or falling apart is definitely a certainty.

雖然是各種需求讓兩個人走到一起，但是想要關(guān)系穩(wěn)定長久，這些需求并不是根本。感情的根本也會隨著時間的改變以及彼此年紀增長和各方面變得成熟而發(fā)生變化。如果沒有發(fā)生變化，那么隔閡和分開會是你們感情的必然結(jié)局。