情侶間常犯的7個溝通問題
7 Communication Mistakes Most Couples Make
情侶間常犯的7個溝通問題
Being half of a couple can be difficult, even if you’re head-over-heels in love. Communicating with your honey can get touchy, because both of you have different thoughts, opinions, emotions and histories. Check out this list and see what common communication mistakes most couples make, so you can eliminate them from your own relationship.
處對象不是件易事，即便你沉溺愛河無法自拔。愛人間的溝通有時會很敏感，因為兩人有著不同的思想、觀點、情感和過往。看看這個列表上多數情侶常犯的溝通問題，以便在戀愛時引以為鑒。
1. Assuming that more communication is the solution.
認為說得多就能解決問題
Believe it or not, there is such thing as too much communication. Have you ever discussed or argued your point so much that you start saying everything that comes to mind? Sometimes those things that come to mind aren’t the best to come from your mouth… But this happens because you’re talking so much that you’re saying things just to hold your own in the conversation. This is how you know you’re communicating too much. Sometimes you need to keep things to yourself, and while this doesn’t mean hiding things from your partner, it means picking your words carefully and saying just what needs to be said to resolve the issue at hand.
無論你信不信，話太多就是個問題。你有沒有過多地為你的觀點而討論或爭執(zhí)，以至于什么事都隨著性子說?有時心里想的并非就是最適合表達出來的...但往往這就因為你的話太多，所以才會在為自己據理力爭時說錯話。這個就是溝通超出范圍的表現。有時你需要有所保留，但并不意味著要你瞞著另一半，而是指在處理手頭之事時仔細斟酌你的話，只需說出能解決問題的就行。
2. Expecting your partner to read your mind.
期望對方讀懂你的想法
You don’t want to communicate too much, but you also don’t want to bite your tongue and expect your partner to know what you’re thinking. If you’re waiting for someone to read your mind, you’re never going to feel like an equal in the relationship. You need to say what you’re thinking and feeling, just make sure your partner understands that these are your emotions and opinions, not something you’re forcing on them.
你不愿意過多交流，但你也不要只字不提就指望對方懂你的想法。若你只等待別人來懂你，那你將永遠感受不到戀愛時的平等。所以你需要將你所想、所感表達出來，讓對方能夠理解你的情感和觀點，而不是強迫對方接受。
3. Giving in without saying what you think.
什么都不說就放棄
Don’t roll over and give up everything you’re thinking just to resolve the problem at hand. Your partner can’t win every time, and you need to make sure you’re letting your feelings be known and getting what you need from the relationship, too. If you never say what you think because you’re trying to keep the peace, you’ll find that over time you’re actually holding a grudge and resenting your partner because you’re unhappy in the relationship.
在處理問題的時候，不要拖沓，也不要放棄表達想法。你的愛人不會每次都能猜透你，所以你需要確定對方知道你的感受，同時你也要從戀愛中得到你想要的。如果只為了和平就掩埋了你的想法，久而久之你就會覺得自己充滿怨恨并厭惡對方，因為你在戀愛中不快樂。
4. Harping on hopeless issues.
對無望之事喋喋不休
It’s easy to bring up fights from the past, or nag your partner for things in their history, or things they believe or do differently from you. This is always a bad choice, though. It changes nothing, and it makes you look like you’re never going to let anything go. Be the type of person who can get over a fight when it’s resolved, and not bring it up in each fight that follows. “Live in the moment” sounds like silly advice when you’re in the middle of an argument, but it’s something that needs to be done so you’re not prolonging every fight you have.
過去的事能夠輕而易舉引發(fā)爭吵，而對方的曾經或他們與你背道而馳的行為想法也會讓你碎碎念。這同樣是個愚蠢的表現。嘮叨無濟于事，這只會顯得你對一切都無法釋懷。要做這樣的人，不為已了之事煩憂，亦不為未了之事憂愁。當你們爭得面紅耳赤時，“活在當下”聽起來蠢透了，但這是需要踐行的，唯有這樣爭吵才不會愈演愈烈。
5. Not understanding what is really being said.
不明白對方真正表達的意思
Some couples find it helpful to summarize each others’ points. Sounds like something you’d do for a high school paper, right? It’s actually a really good way to make sure you understand each other! After your partner shares their thoughts, summarize by saying “It sounds like you’re happy with X, but need Y to change to feel like the relationship is moving forward.” Your partner can then clarify if needed. If you got it right, then you can start explaining your thoughts on the issue.
有情侶發(fā)現總結對方的觀點能起到作用。聽起來像是在做高中作業(yè)，對吧?但這真的是明白對方的好方法!每當對方分享了他們的想法時，你可以這樣總結“聽起來你對X很滿意，而Y就需要為增進感情改變一下了。”如果需要的話，你的愛人就會具體說明了。要是你分析對了，那么你也可以就此繼續(xù)表達你的想法。
6. Thinking about your rebuttal instead of listening.
老想著反駁而不是傾聽
It’s ok to admit — most of us go into a fight knowing what points we want to make, how we want the other person to feel, and what we want for “winning”. This is a bad attitude to have, though, because any discussion should have at least two sides to be fair. But when you know exactly what you want to say, you often think about that instead of listening to what the other person is saying. Don’t just focus on the first few words your partner says — listen to their whole statement, take a moment to absorb it, and then think about what you want to say in a return.
承認這點沒什么-我們多數人都會為了堅持己見、控制他人感受、“贏得”立場而挑起爭吵。這種態(tài)度很惡劣，因為每場討論至少應該有兩方參加才算公平?？梢坏┠闱宄雷约合胍磉_什么的時候，通常你都會護著那個想法，而非去傾聽對方。也不要逮著對方開頭的只字片語不放-要傾聽他們的全部訴說，再好好地吸收，最后思量著怎樣回應。
7. Not considering the other’s point of view.
不考慮對方的觀點
Everyone is different, and you know your partner intimately. You know how they think about things, how certain words or situations make them feel. Don’t forget all of this just to win an argument. Take your partner’s feelings, opinions and background into consideration when you communicate. You can sidestep a lot of fights and hurt feelings by being considerate this way.
每個人都不盡相同，而你也熟知愛人的全部。你知道他們看待事情的方式，也知道他們對某些話語和情景的感受。不要只為了贏得爭論就將這些遺忘。當你們在交流時，你要考慮到對方的感受、觀點以及背景。做到這點，你們就可以免去許多爭吵和傷害。
