孩子在潛移默化中向大人學(xué)習(xí)的三件事

Parenting is a job that occurs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week from the day the baby is born until the day they…well, until forever. A parent’s job is never done. Parents aren’t always teaching their children things directly and by design either. Sure, parents teach children to tie their shoes and help them learn their letters and numbers and other academic things. Parents may choose to teach their children about their religion or their favorite TV show or book. Children don’t always learn only when parents intend to teach them, however. In fact, some of the most important lessons that your children are learning about life might actually happen while you are doing things other than parenting.
父母是一個(gè)全天、全年連軸轉(zhuǎn)的職業(yè)，從孩子出生的那天直到……呃，直到永遠(yuǎn)。父母這一職業(yè)永遠(yuǎn)沒(méi)有卸任的一天。父母總是沒(méi)有用直接、或設(shè)計(jì)好的方式來(lái)教育孩子。當(dāng)然，父母教他們的孩子系鞋帶，學(xué)字母，學(xué)算術(shù)或其他學(xué)習(xí)方面的東西。父母也可能教會(huì)孩子信仰、陪他們看最喜歡的電視節(jié)目或者書(shū)籍。但是，孩子們并不是只有在父母打算教他們的時(shí)候才學(xué)習(xí)。事實(shí)上，一些人生中重要的課程不從家長(zhǎng)教導(dǎo)中習(xí)得，而是從家長(zhǎng)們的行為獲得。

Children learn how you handle stress, anxiety, and frustration. When you are upset, if you yell and scream, children see this, even if the yelling and screaming isn’t directed at them. Parents who are high strung may raise children that are high strung as well. Of course, if you suppress youremotions, your children learn from that, too. Remembering that little eyes are always watching is really important for parents. Express anger, frustration, and anxiety. But work on doing it in constructive ways and helping your child understand what you are feeling when things come along that cause problems.
孩子們學(xué)習(xí)家長(zhǎng)如何處理壓力、焦慮和沮喪的情緒。當(dāng)你在焦慮時(shí)大吵大鬧，孩子們也會(huì)看到，即使叫喊和尖叫并不是針對(duì)他們的。父母的過(guò)激情緒也會(huì)讓孩子學(xué)會(huì)有過(guò)激的情緒。當(dāng)然，如果你控制自己的情緒，孩子們也會(huì)學(xué)習(xí)這一點(diǎn)的。記住，有一雙小眼睛總是注視著你。這一點(diǎn)非常重要。表達(dá)憤怒、挫折和焦慮是可以的。但是，用更有建設(shè)性的方式、幫助您的孩子理解您的面對(duì)問(wèn)題時(shí)的情緒是更有效的方法。

Children learn from watching their parents interact with one another. How do you and your spouse or significant other interact with one another? Who makes the decisions? Do disagreements always end in raised voices and tears? Is respect demonstrated on a daily basis? Do your children see you and your spouse being affectionate with one another? These questions are important in helping your child shape their own ideas about what relationships and marriage should be like. Model for your child the type of relationship or marriage that you would like for them to be involved in one day. Don’t feel like children should never see their parents disagree, or that you can’t express displeasure with your significant other. However, do remember that your children are watching and your relationship may be the standard to which they compare their own future relationships. Are you and your spouse setting the example you want them to learn from?
孩子們通過(guò)觀察父母來(lái)學(xué)習(xí)與人交往。你與你的伴侶之間怎樣交往的呢？你們之中由誰(shuí)來(lái)做決定？當(dāng)有不同意見(jiàn)時(shí)，是以爭(zhēng)吵或眼淚結(jié)束嗎？你們每天都表現(xiàn)出了對(duì)彼此的尊重嗎？你的孩子看到了你們伉儷彼此鶼鰈情深的樣子嗎？這些問(wèn)題能有助于孩子建立對(duì)于交往與婚姻的價(jià)值觀。以身作則，用您期望孩子將來(lái)處理婚姻愛(ài)情的理想方式，過(guò)好現(xiàn)在的生活。不要覺(jué)得孩子們永遠(yuǎn)不應(yīng)該看到父母的爭(zhēng)執(zhí)，或父母之間不滿(mǎn)的情緒。但是，也請(qǐng)記住，你的孩子看到的你與你伴侶之間的關(guān)系，也會(huì)成為將來(lái)他自己未來(lái)的夫妻關(guān)系的參考標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。您和您的伴侶愿意成為孩子學(xué)習(xí)的榜樣嗎？
Children learn what’s the most important to their parents. You may just think that you are sitting down to send a few emails, but if your child asks for your attention and you ask them to hold on, they’ve learned something from this interaction. If your child sees you and your spouse sitting down in front of the television every night and not communicating, they’ve learned something from that, too. On the other hand, if your children see you hiring a babysitter so you can your spouse can go out on a date, they’ve learned that you both value your relationship and making time for one another. If you decide not to worry about cleaning the bathroom and play a game of Chutes and Ladders instead, they’ve learned that they are more important to you than a clean house. Of course, you can’t be expected to be at your child’s beckoned call every day. But remember that your children learn about what matters most to you by what you do, not what you say.

孩子們知道，什么對(duì)父母來(lái)說(shuō)最重要。例如當(dāng)你坐下來(lái)發(fā)電子郵件的時(shí)候，你的孩子過(guò)來(lái)跟你說(shuō)點(diǎn)什么，但是你讓他等一下，孩子會(huì)這種反應(yīng)中看出點(diǎn)什么。如果你的孩子看到你們夫妻倆每晚都坐在電視機(jī)前而沒(méi)有交流，他們也會(huì)學(xué)到點(diǎn)什么。另一方面，如果你的孩子看到你雇傭了一個(gè)保姆，這樣你們夫妻就可以去外面約會(huì)，他們可以學(xué)到你們兩人都很用心維護(hù)彼此的關(guān)系，并為此爭(zhēng)取時(shí)間。如果你決定不清潔浴室而陪伴孩子們玩“爬坡與梯子”的游戲，孩子就會(huì)知道在大人心中，他們比大掃除更重要。當(dāng)然，不是孩子的每次呼喚都會(huì)得到回應(yīng)。但是請(qǐng)記住，孩子們能從你的所作所為--而不是夸夸其談中學(xué)到，對(duì)你來(lái)說(shuō)什么是最重要的。

What did you teach your child today? You may be surprised to learn that it was much more than you realized. Parents have to remember that little eyes are always watching, and some of the most important lessons children learn about life might actually happen while they are doing things other than parenting.
你是如何教育你的孩子呢？你可能會(huì)驚訝，孩子們學(xué)到的遠(yuǎn)勝于你所教的。家長(zhǎng)們要記住的是，那些小眼睛們總是在看著，而孩子們學(xué)到的最重要的課程，是從父母的行為之中，而非說(shuō)教之中。