Somewhat after one in the afternoon, Tom resignedly underwent the ordeal of being dressed for dinner.He found himself as finely clothed as before, but everything different, everything changed, from his ruff to his stockings.He was presently conducted with much state to a spacious and ornate apartment, where a table was already set for one.Its furniture was all of massy gold, and beautified with designs which well-nigh made it priceless, since they were the work of Benvenuto.The room was half filled with noble servitors.A chaplain said grace, and Tom was about to fall to, for hunger had long been constitutional with him, but was interrupted by my lord the Earl of Berkeley, who fastened a napkin about his neck;for the great post of Diaperers to the Princes of Wales was hereditary in this nobleman's family.Tom's cupbearer was present, and forestalled all his attempts to help himself to wine.The Taster to his highness the Prince of Wales was there also, prepared to taste any suspicious dish upon requirement, and run the risk of being poisoned.He was only an ornamental appendage at this time, and was seldom called to exercise his function;but there had been times, not many generations past, when the office of taster had its perils, and was not a grandeur to be desired.Why they did not use a dog or a plumber seems strange;but all the ways of royalty are strange.My Lord d'Arcy, First Groom of the Chamber, was there, to do goodness knows what;but there he was—let that suffice.The Lord Chief Butler was there, and stood behind Tom's chair, overseeing the solemnities, under command of the Lord Great Steward and the Lord Head Cook, who stood near.Tom had three hundred and eighty-four servants besides these;but they were not all in that room, of course, nor the quarter of them;neither was Tom aware yet that they existed.
All those that were present had been well drilled within the hour to remember that the prince was temporarily out of his head, and to be careful to show no surprise at his vagaries.These “vagaries”were soon on exhibition before them;but they only moved their compassion and their sorrow, not their mirth.It was a heavy affliction to them to see the beloved prince so stricken.
Poor Tom ate with his fingers mainly;but no one smiled at it, or even seemed to observe it.He inspected his napkin curiously, and with deep interest, for it was of a very dainty and beautiful fabric, then said with simplicity:
“Prithee, take it away, lest in mine unheedfulness it be soiled.”
The Hereditary Diaperer took it away with reverent manner, and without word or protest of any sort.
Tom examined the turnips and the lettuce with interest, and asked what they were, and if they were to be eaten;for it was only recently that men had begun to raise these things in England in place of importing them as luxuries from Holland.His question was answered with grave respect, and no surprise manifested.When he had finished his dessert, he filled his pockets with nuts;but nobody appeared to be aware of it, or disturbed by it.But the next moment he was himself disturbed by it, and showed discomposure;for this was the only service he had been permitted to do with his own hands during the meal, and he did not doubt that he had done a most improper and unprincely thing.At that moment the muscles of his nose began to twitch, and the end of that organ to lift and wrinkle.This continued, and Tom began to evince a growing distress.He looked appealingly, first at one and then another of the lords about him, and tears came into his eyes.They sprang forward with dismay in their faces, and begged to know his trouble.Tom said with genuine anguish:
“I crave your indulgence:my nose itcheth cruelly.What is the custom and usage in this emergence?Prithee speed, for 'tis but a little time that I can bear it.”
None smiled;but all were sore perplexed, and looked one to the other in deep tribulation for counsel.But behold, here was a dead wall, and nothing in English history to tell how to get over it.The Master of Ceremonies was not present:there was no one who felt safe to venture upon this uncharted sea, or risk the attempt to solve this solemn problem.Alas!there was no Hereditary Scratcher.Meantime the tears had overflowed their banks, and begun to trickle down Tom's cheeks.His twitching nose was pleading more urgently than ever for relief.At last nature broke down the barriers of etiquette:Tom lifted up an inward prayer for pardon if he was doing wrong, and brought relief to the burdened hearts of his court by scratching his nose himself.
His meal being ended, a lord came and held before him a broad, shallow, golden dish with fragrant rosewater in it, to cleanse his mouth and fingers with;and my lord the Hereditary Diaperer stood by with a napkin for his use.Tom gazed at the dish a puzzled moment or two, then raised it to his lips, and gravely took a draught.Then he returned it to the waiting lord, and said:
“Nay, it likes me not, my lord:it hath a pretty flavour, but it wanteth strength.”
This new eccentricity of the prince's ruined mind made all the hearts about him ache;but the sad sight moved none to merriment.
Tom's next unconscious blunder was to get up and leave the table just when the chaplain had taken his stand behind his chair, and with uplifted hands, and closed, uplifted eyes, was in the act of beginning the blessing.Still nobody seemed to perceive that the prince had done a thing unusual.
By his own request, our small friend was now conducted to his private cabinet, and left there alone to his own devices.Hanging upon hooks in the oaken wainscoting were the several pieces of a suit of shining steel armour, covered all over with beautiful designs exquisitely inlaid in gold.This martial panoply belonged to the true prince—a recent present from Madam Parr, the queen.Tom put on the greaves, the gauntlets, the plumed helmet, and such other pieces as he could don without assistance, and for a while was minded to call for help and complete the matter, but bethought him of the nuts he had brought away from dinner, and the joy it would be to eat them with no crowd to eye him, and no Grand Hereditaries to pester him with undesired services;so he restored the pretty things to their several places, and soon was cracking nuts, and feeling almost naturally happy for the first time since God for his sins had made him a prince.When the nuts were all gone, he stumbled upon some inviting books in a closet, among them one about the etiquette of the English court.This was a prize.He lay down upon a sumptuous divan, and proceeded to instruct himself with honest zeal.Let us leave him there for the present.
下午一點(diǎn)鐘稍過(guò)了一會(huì)兒,湯姆聽(tīng)天由命地受了一場(chǎng)活罪,任憑人家給他打扮起來(lái),準(zhǔn)備進(jìn)御餐。他發(fā)現(xiàn)自己還是穿得像以前那樣講究,可是一切都不同了,從縐領(lǐng)一直到襪子,一切都變換了。他隨即就被引導(dǎo)著派頭十足地走進(jìn)一個(gè)寬大而華麗的房間里,那兒已經(jīng)擺好了一桌給一個(gè)人吃的筵席。屋里的陳設(shè)都是大塊大塊的黃金做的,上面還有許多圖案,幾乎使這些家具成為無(wú)價(jià)之寶,因?yàn)槟嵌际潜俱肱瑘D的作品。那些穿戴華麗的仆役占了半個(gè)房間。有一個(gè)牧師致了餐前禱詞;湯姆因?yàn)橐幌蚓秃宛囸I分不開(kāi)家,非常嘴饞,他正想開(kāi)始取食,卻被柏克萊伯爵阻止了,給他頸上系了一條餐巾;因?yàn)閷?zhuān)給皇太子管手巾的要職是由這位貴族家里世襲的。湯姆的司酒也在場(chǎng),每逢他想要自己斟酒喝,司酒就搶先給他斟了。太子的試食官也在場(chǎng),隨時(shí)準(zhǔn)備冒著被毒死的危險(xiǎn),遵命嘗食任何可疑的菜肴。這一次他只是一個(gè)裝點(diǎn)場(chǎng)面的人物,湯姆很少吩咐他執(zhí)行他的職務(wù)??墒遣恢嗌倌暌郧埃?jīng)有過(guò)一些時(shí)候,試食官的職務(wù)是有危險(xiǎn)的,因此并不是一個(gè)人人羨慕的職位。為什么不用狗或是流浪兒來(lái)試驗(yàn),似乎有些奇怪,可是王室的一切作風(fēng)都是奇怪的。宮中第一侍從官達(dá)賽勛爵也在場(chǎng),天知道他是干什么事的;可是他反正是在那兒——那就隨他吧??偵潘疽苍趫?chǎng),他站在湯姆背后,受站在近處的皇家事務(wù)大臣和御廚總管大臣指揮,監(jiān)督王子進(jìn)餐的隆重儀式。除此而外,湯姆還有三百八十四個(gè)仆人;可是他們當(dāng)然并不都在這間屋子里,連四分之一都不到;而且湯姆根本還不知道他有那么多用人。
所有到場(chǎng)的人都在不到一個(gè)鐘頭以前受過(guò)嚴(yán)格訓(xùn)練,要記住王子暫時(shí)有些神經(jīng)錯(cuò)亂,當(dāng)心不要在他有什么荒唐舉動(dòng)的時(shí)候表示驚訝。這類(lèi)“荒唐舉動(dòng)”不久就在他們面前表演起來(lái)了,可是這只引起大家的惋惜和憂(yōu)慮,而沒(méi)有使他們發(fā)笑。他們看見(jiàn)親愛(ài)的王子有了這種毛病,真是感到深重的痛苦。
可憐的湯姆主要是用手指抓飯吃,可是誰(shuí)也沒(méi)有笑他,甚至還故意裝作沒(méi)有看見(jiàn)的樣子。他好奇地細(xì)看他的餐巾,很感興趣,因?yàn)槟鞘怯煤苤v究、很漂亮的材料做的。后來(lái)他天真地說(shuō)道:
“請(qǐng)把這個(gè)拿開(kāi),免得我不當(dāng)心的時(shí)候把它弄臟了。”
世襲的手巾大臣恭恭敬敬地把它拿開(kāi),他一聲不響,也沒(méi)有任何反對(duì)的表示。
湯姆很感興趣地把蘿卜和萵筍仔細(xì)看了一陣,然后問(wèn)問(wèn)那是什么東西,是不是可以吃的;因?yàn)檫@兩種菜從前都是作為奢侈品從荷蘭輸入的,最近才有人在英國(guó)種植。他的問(wèn)題有人非常恭敬地給他回答了,誰(shuí)也沒(méi)有表示驚訝。他吃完飯后的點(diǎn)心之后,就在口袋里裝滿(mǎn)了栗子;大家都裝作根本沒(méi)有發(fā)覺(jué)他這個(gè)舉動(dòng),誰(shuí)也沒(méi)有因此而吃驚。可是他自己反而馬上就為這樁事情煩惱了,而且表現(xiàn)出局促不安的神氣;因?yàn)樗赃@頓飯的時(shí)候,只有這樁事情是人家讓他親手干的,所以他就知道自己毫無(wú)疑問(wèn)地做了一樁極不禮貌、極不合王子身份的事情。這時(shí)候他鼻子上的肌肉開(kāi)始搐動(dòng)起來(lái),鼻尖也往上翹,并且皺起來(lái)了。這種情形繼續(xù)下去,湯姆漸漸表現(xiàn)出越來(lái)越大的痛苦。他以懇求的態(tài)度望望身邊這個(gè)大官,又望望那個(gè)大官,眼睛里不由得流起淚來(lái)了。這些大官的臉上露出慌張的神色,連忙走到王子跟前,請(qǐng)問(wèn)他有什么不舒服。湯姆十分苦惱地說(shuō):
“請(qǐng)你們不要見(jiàn)怪,我的鼻子簡(jiǎn)直癢得要命。遇到這種緊急情況,依照慣例應(yīng)該怎么辦?請(qǐng)快說(shuō),因?yàn)槲覍?shí)在不能再熬多大工夫了。”
誰(shuí)也沒(méi)有笑,可是大家都覺(jué)得不知所措,彼此互相張望,為了急于要給王子出個(gè)主意而苦惱不堪。哎呀,這可真叫大家碰壁了!英國(guó)歷史上從來(lái)沒(méi)有任何記載,可以幫助他們渡過(guò)這一關(guān)。掌禮官又不在場(chǎng),沒(méi)有人敢于大膽地冒險(xiǎn)在這沒(méi)有航行標(biāo)志的大海上通行,擅作主張來(lái)解決這么重大的一個(gè)問(wèn)題。真糟糕!可惜沒(méi)有一位世襲的抓癢官。就在這段時(shí)間里,湯姆的眼淚已經(jīng)流出眼眶外面來(lái),開(kāi)始順著臉往下流了。他那搐動(dòng)的鼻子比之前更加迫切地懇求脫離痛苦。最后還是本能突破了禮儀的藩籬,湯姆自己動(dòng)手在鼻子上抓癢,他暗自在心中祈禱,如果他做得不對(duì),希望上帝饒恕他。這么一來(lái),也就使他那些臣子們沉重的內(nèi)心獲得了解脫。
這一頓飯吃完之后,就有一位大臣進(jìn)來(lái),在湯姆面前端著一只大而淺的金盤(pán)子,里面盛著很香的玫瑰水,給他漱口和洗手指;專(zhuān)管手巾的世襲大臣站在一邊,手里拿著一條餐巾供他使用。湯姆不知所措地瞪著眼睛對(duì)那只盤(pán)子望了一會(huì)兒,然后把它端到嘴邊,鄭重其事地喝了一口。然后他把盤(pán)子交還給那伺候著的大臣,說(shuō)道:
“不,閣下,我不喜歡喝這個(gè);這種酒味道倒是很香,可是太沒(méi)有勁頭?!?/p>
王子的病態(tài)心理又有這種古怪的表現(xiàn),這使得他身邊的人都心痛了,可是這種不幸的情景沒(méi)有引起任何人發(fā)笑。
湯姆接下來(lái)的一個(gè)不自覺(jué)的錯(cuò)誤,就是正當(dāng)牧師在他椅子后面剛剛站定,舉起雙手,閉上眼睛,抬起頭來(lái)正要開(kāi)始祝福的時(shí)候,他卻站起來(lái)離開(kāi)了餐桌。可是,大家還是裝作沒(méi)有看出王子干了什么反常的事情。
隨后由于湯姆自己的要求,他被引到他的私室里去了,陪送他的人把他獨(dú)自留在那兒,讓他自由自在。那橡木壁板上的鉤子上有一副亮晃晃的鋼制盔甲,一件件分開(kāi)掛著,上面都是鑲金的精致的美麗圖案。這套武士的甲胄是屬于那個(gè)真王子的——這是王后巴爾夫人新近送他的禮物。湯姆穿上脛甲、臂鎧,戴上插著羽毛的頭盔,還有他不要?jiǎng)e人幫助就能穿上的其他部件,隨后他就想要叫人來(lái)幫忙,把其余的東西都穿上??墒撬窒肫鹆顺燥埖臅r(shí)候帶回來(lái)的栗子,覺(jué)得現(xiàn)在可以自由自在地拿出來(lái)吃,沒(méi)有那一大堆人看著,也沒(méi)有那些世襲的大官來(lái)幫他的忙,惹他厭惡,那該是多么好玩兒;所以他就把那幾件漂亮東西歸還原處,接著就砸起栗子來(lái)了。這是他以為他有罪、被上帝罰他當(dāng)了王子以來(lái),幾乎第一次感覺(jué)到的自自然然的快樂(lè)。栗子通通吃完之后,他就東翻西找地在一個(gè)壁櫥里找到了幾本有趣的書(shū),其中有一本是關(guān)于英國(guó)宮廷禮節(jié)的,這是個(gè)寶貝。他就在一張豪華的長(zhǎng)睡椅上躺下,全神貫注地開(kāi)始研究禮節(jié)了?,F(xiàn)在我們就讓他在那兒待著,暫時(shí)不再談他吧。
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