英語(yǔ)美文朗讀 第359期 Being Happy Or Having Meaning In Life(上)

I used to think the whole purpose of life was pursuing happiness. Everyone said the path to happiness was success, so I searched for that ideal job, that perfect boyfriend, that beautiful apartment. But instead of ever feeling fulfilled, I felt anxious and adrift. And I wasn't alone; my friends -- they struggled with this, too.

 

我曾以為人生的目標(biāo)就是追求快樂。大家都說(shuō)，成功是通往快樂的路，所以我就去尋找理想的工作、完美的男友、還有漂亮的公寓?？墒?，我不但沒有感到圓滿，反而覺得焦慮、茫然。而且不只是我，我的好朋友們也是一樣。

 

Eventually, I decided to go to graduate school for positive psychology to learn what truly makes people happy. But what I discovered there changed my life. The data showed that chasing happiness can make people unhappy. And what really struck me was this: the suicide rate has been rising around the world, and it recently reached a 30-year high in America. Even though life is getting objectively better by nearly every conceivable standard, more people feel hopeless, depressed and alone. There's an emptiness gnawing away at people, and you don't have to be clinically depressed to feel it. Sooner or later, I think we all wonder: Is this all there is? And according to the research, what predicts this despair is not a lack of happiness. It's a lack of something else, a lack of having meaning in life.

我最后決定去研究生院讀正向心理學(xué)，去尋找能讓人開心的東西是什么。我在那兒的發(fā)現(xiàn)，改變了我的人生。數(shù)據(jù)顯示，追求快樂會(huì)讓人不快樂。真正讓我震驚的是這點(diǎn)：全球的自殺率不斷攀升，最近在美國(guó)達(dá)到三十年來(lái)的新高。雖然客觀來(lái)說(shuō)，生活變好了，無(wú)論用什么標(biāo)準(zhǔn)來(lái)衡量，結(jié)果都是一樣的：有更多人感到無(wú)助、沮喪、及孤獨(dú)。有一種空虛感在侵蝕人們，并不需被臨床診斷出沮喪也能感覺到這個(gè)現(xiàn)象。我想，遲早我們都會(huì)想要知道：難道就只有這樣而已嗎？根據(jù)研究，絕望的原因并不是缺乏快樂，而是缺乏某樣?xùn)|西，是缺乏人生意義。

 

But that raised some questions for me. Is there more to life than being happy? And what's the difference between being happy and having meaning in life? Many psychologists define happiness as a state of comfort and ease, feeling good in the moment. Meaning, though, is deeper. The renowned psychologist Martin Seligman says meaning comes from belonging to and serving something beyond yourself and from developing the best within you. Our culture is obsessed with happiness, but I came to see that seeking meaning is the more fulfilling path. And the studies show that people who have meaning in life, they're more resilient, they do better in school and at work, and they even live longer.

但這就讓我產(chǎn)生了一些問題。難道人生不只是要快樂嗎？活得快樂和活得有意義之間有什么差別？許多心理學(xué)家把快樂定義為一種舒服自在的狀態(tài)，在當(dāng)下感覺很好。而意義則更深。知名心理學(xué)家馬丁賽里格曼說(shuō)，意義來(lái)自歸屬感、致力于超越自我之外的事物，以及從內(nèi)在發(fā)展出最好的自己。我們的文化對(duì)「快樂」相當(dāng)癡迷，但我發(fā)現(xiàn)，尋找意義才是更讓人滿足的道路。且研究指出，有人生意義的人適應(yīng)力也會(huì)比較強(qiáng)，他們?cè)趯W(xué)校及職場(chǎng)的表現(xiàn)較佳，他們甚至活得比較久。

 

So this all made me wonder: How can we each live more meaningfully? To find out, I spent five years interviewing hundreds of people and reading through thousands of pages of psychology, neuroscience and philosophy. Bringing it all together, I found that there are what I call four pillars of a meaningful life. And we can each create lives of meaning by building some or all of these pillars in our lives.

所以這一切讓我開始想，我們每個(gè)人要如何活得有意義？為了找出答案，我花了五年時(shí)間，訪談了數(shù)百人，閱讀了數(shù)千頁(yè)的心理學(xué)、神經(jīng)科學(xué)、及哲學(xué)。把這些匯整起來(lái)，我發(fā)現(xiàn)了一件事，我稱之為「人生意義的四大支柱」。我們可以彼此相互建立起這些支柱，在彼此的人生中找到人生的意義。

 

The first pillar is belonging. Belonging comes from being in relationships where you're valued for who you are intrinsically and where you value others as well. But some groups and relationships deliver a cheap form of belonging; you're valued for what you believe, for who you hate, not for who you are. True belonging springs from love. It lives in moments among individuals, and it's a choice -- you can choose to cultivate belonging with others.

第一根支柱是歸屬感。歸屬感來(lái)自于一種關(guān)系，一種你與他人在本質(zhì)上彼此是否處在相互珍惜的關(guān)系中。但有些群體或關(guān)系，提供的是廉價(jià)形式的歸屬感；你被重視的原因是因?yàn)槟闼嘈诺氖挛?、你?duì)人的好惡、而不是你的本質(zhì)。真正的歸屬感源自于愛。它存在于個(gè)體間共處的時(shí)光當(dāng)中，且它是一種選擇──你可以選擇與他人培養(yǎng)歸屬感。

 

Here's an example. Each morning, my friend Jonathan buys a newspaper from the same street vendor in New York. They don't just conduct a transaction, though. They take a moment to slow down, talk, and treat each other like humans. But one time, Jonathan didn't have the right change, and the vendor said, "Don't worry about it." But Jonathan insisted on paying, so he went to the store and bought something he didn't need to make change. But when he gave the money to the vendor, the vendor drew back. He was hurt. He was trying to do something kind, but Jonathan had rejected him.

舉例來(lái)說(shuō)，每天早晨，我在紐約的朋友強(qiáng)納森都會(huì)向同一個(gè)街頭小販買一份報(bào)紙。不過，他們并不是只有交易的關(guān)系。他們會(huì)停下來(lái)，花點(diǎn)時(shí)間說(shuō)說(shuō)話，把彼此當(dāng)朋友對(duì)待。但有一次，強(qiáng)納森的零錢不夠，小販說(shuō)：「沒關(guān)系不用了啦?！沟珡?qiáng)納森堅(jiān)持要付錢，所以他去一家店，買了他不需要的東西，把鈔票找開。但當(dāng)他把錢給小販時(shí)，小販退縮了。他感到受傷。他試著想表現(xiàn)友好，但強(qiáng)納森拒絕了他。

 

I think we all reject people in small ways like this without realizing it. I do. I'll walk by someone I know and barely acknowledge them. I'll check my phone when someone's talking to me. These acts devalue others. They make them feel invisible and unworthy. But when you lead with love, you create a bond that lifts each of you up.

我想，我們都曾像這樣在小地方拒絕別人卻沒有意識(shí)到。我就有過。我會(huì)從認(rèn)識(shí)的人旁邊走過，卻沒跟他們打招呼。當(dāng)有人在跟我說(shuō)話時(shí)，我會(huì)看手機(jī)。這類行為是在貶低別人的價(jià)值，讓他們覺得自己是隱形的、不值得的。但若用愛來(lái)引導(dǎo)，你就會(huì)創(chuàng)造出一種聯(lián)結(jié)，讓你們彼此都振奮起來(lái)。

 

For many people, belonging is the most essential source of meaning, those bonds to family and friends. For others, the key to meaning is the second pillar: purpose. Now, finding your purpose is not the same thing as finding that job that makes you happy. Purpose is less about what you want than about what you give. A hospital custodian told me her purpose is healing sick people. Many parents tell me, "My purpose is raising my children." The key to purpose is using your strengths to serve others. Of course, for many of us, that happens through work. That's how we contribute and feel needed. But that also means that issues like disengagement at work, unemployment, low labor force participation -- these aren't just economic problems, they're existential ones, too. Without something worthwhile to do, people flounder. Of course, you don't have to find purpose at work, but purpose gives you something to live for, some "why" that drives you forward.

對(duì)很多人來(lái)說(shuō)，歸屬感是人生意義的重要來(lái)源，就是與家人及朋友之間的聯(lián)結(jié)。對(duì)其他人來(lái)說(shuō)，第二根人生意義的支柱是目的。找到你的目的并不是指找到讓你快樂的工作。目的的重點(diǎn)是你能給予什么，而不是你想要什么。一位醫(yī)院管理員告訴我，她的目的是治愈生病的人。很多家長(zhǎng)告訴我：「我的目的是扶養(yǎng)我的孩子。」目標(biāo)的關(guān)鍵在于用你的力量去服務(wù)他人。當(dāng)然，對(duì)很多人而言，這是透過工作來(lái)達(dá)成的。那是我們做出貢獻(xiàn)和感到被需要的方式。但這也意味著，像是無(wú)心工作、失業(yè)、低勞動(dòng)參與率等等議題──這些不僅是經(jīng)濟(jì)問題，也是存在主義問題。人們?nèi)魶]有值得去做的事，就會(huì)掙扎折騰。當(dāng)然，你不需要從工作中找到目的，但目的能讓你有活下去的意義，有驅(qū)使你向前行的「理由」。