人生不設(shè)限·我最愛(ài)眼神接觸

MAKING CONNECTIONS

小時(shí)候，媽媽常帶我去逛街，或者去其他公共場(chǎng)所。當(dāng)她去忙自己的事情時(shí)，我就坐在輪椅上看著人來(lái)人往，觀察每個(gè)人的臉，一待就是幾小時(shí)。當(dāng)人們經(jīng)過(guò)我身旁時(shí)，我會(huì)研究他們，試著猜測(cè)他們靠什么為生，個(gè)性怎么樣。當(dāng)然了，我不知道自己的直覺(jué)對(duì)不對(duì)，但我在研究肢體語(yǔ)言、面部表情和讀人術(shù)等等方面的確變得很認(rèn)真。

When I was a boy, my mum often took me shopping or to other public places, and while she went about her business, I'd spend hours observing faces in the crowd from my wheelchair. I'd study them as they passed by and try to guess what they did for a living and what their personalities were like. Of course, I never knew whether my instant profiles were correct, but I did become a serious student of body language, facial expressions, and reading people in general.

當(dāng)時(shí)那只是我下意識(shí)的行為，但是回過(guò)頭看，我才發(fā)現(xiàn)那時(shí)自己正出于本能地發(fā)展重要技巧。因?yàn)槲覜](méi)有手可以保護(hù)自己，也沒(méi)有腿可以逃跑，所以快速評(píng)估某個(gè)人值不值得信任這件事對(duì)我非常重要。這不是說(shuō)我常常擔(dān)心自己受到攻擊，但我的確比大多數(shù)人容易受傷害，所以變得對(duì)人的敏銳度比較高一些。

This was mostly a subconscious process, but when I look back and reflect, I realize I was instinctively developing some very important skills. Since I lack the arms to defend myself, or the legs to run, it was important for me to quickly assess whether I could trust someone or not. It's not that I consciously worried about being attacked, but I was more vulnerable than most, and so I became more "people aware" than most.

我對(duì)周遭人的心情、情緒和聲音很敏感。聽(tīng)起來(lái)可能有點(diǎn)奇怪，但我的“天線”接收能力精細(xì)到如果有人把手放在我輪椅的扶手上，就好像跟我握手一樣，我會(huì)奇妙地感受到跟對(duì)方有實(shí)質(zhì)上的聯(lián)結(jié)，仿佛我們真的握住了彼此的手。每當(dāng)家人或朋友把手放上我的輪椅，我就會(huì)感受到這份溫暖與接納。

I'm sensitive to the moods, emotions, and sounds of those around me. This may sound a little strange, but my antennae are so finely tuned that when someone puts a hand on my wheelchair armrest, it's almost like we are holding hands. I get this weird feeling that a physical connection has been made, just as if we were shaking or holding hands. Whenever my friends or family members put their hands on my chair, I feel this warmth and acceptance.

我缺少四肢這件事影響到我演講時(shí)跟人互動(dòng)的方式。我沒(méi)有多數(shù)演講者的煩惱之一——手不知道要放哪里。我把重點(diǎn)放在通過(guò)臉部表情溝通，尤其是眼睛，而不是雙手。我無(wú)法憑借手勢(shì)強(qiáng)調(diào)重點(diǎn)或傳達(dá)情緒，而是利用眼睛寬度和臉部表情的變化來(lái)傳達(dá)情感，并吸引聽(tīng)眾的注意。

My lack of limbs has affected the way I relate to people as a professional speaker. I don't have to worry about one of the primary concerns of most speakers—what to do with my hands. I've worked on communicating with my facial expressions, and especially my eyes, rather than my hands. I can't make gestures to emphasize points or convey emotion. I worked at varying the width of my eyes and changing my facial expressions to convey emotions, and to hold the attention of my audiences.

妹妹蜜雪兒最近逗我說(shuō)：“力克，你真的很喜歡眼神接觸呢。當(dāng)你跟某個(gè)人說(shuō)話時(shí)，你會(huì)深深地望進(jìn)他的眼睛里，就是這樣。”

My sister recently teased me: "Nick, you really do love eye contact. When you speak to someone, you look into their eyes with this intensity. That's the only way I can describe it."

知我者蜜雪兒也。我之所以喜歡眼神接觸，喜歡深深地看進(jìn)人們的眼里，是因?yàn)檠劬κ庆`魂之窗。我欣賞人們的美，而我常常在人的雙眼里發(fā)現(xiàn)它。我們都可能看見(jiàn)別人不好或不完美之處，但我選擇去看他們內(nèi)在的黃金。

Michelle knows me well. I look into the eyes of other people because they are windows to the soul. I love eye contact. I admire the beauty of people, and I find it, often, in their eyes. We can all find something bad or imperfect in others, but I choose to look at the gold within them.

“這也是你讓對(duì)話保持真實(shí)且誠(chéng)懇的方式，”我的小妹說(shuō)，“從你跟我朋友的談話中就可以看得出來(lái)。你直接深入對(duì)方的內(nèi)在，捕捉他們的注意力，因此他們會(huì)吸收你說(shuō)的每個(gè)字。”

"It's also your way of keeping the conversation real and sincere," my little sister said. "I can see it when you talk to my friends. You get straight to the core of the person, and you capture their attention so that they soak up every word you tell them."

我學(xué)會(huì)通過(guò)看進(jìn)對(duì)方眼里，以及憑借問(wèn)問(wèn)題或發(fā)表意見(jiàn)，找出彼此的共同點(diǎn)，來(lái)快速進(jìn)入狀況。在背痛限制我的擁抱能力之前，我最喜歡的破冰方式是跟人家說(shuō)：“來(lái)，給我個(gè)擁抱吧!”

I've learned to engage quickly by looking into the eyes of the people I meet and asking questions or making comments to find a common ground. Before back pains limited my huggability, one of my favorite ice breakers was to say, "Come and give me a hug."

我希望借此邀請(qǐng)人們靠近我、接觸我，讓他們跟我相處起來(lái)更自在。去接觸人、與之聯(lián)結(jié)、找到共通點(diǎn)，這些是每個(gè)人都該掌握的人際關(guān)系技巧，因?yàn)檫@些技巧決定了我們跟周遭人的互動(dòng)可以有多好。

By inviting people to come close and make contact, I hoped to make them feel comfortable with me. Reaching out to others, bonding with them, finding a common ground are relationship skills that everyone should master. They determine how well we interact with those around us.