TED演講：關(guān)于婚姻你不能不知的事

演講英漢文本：

關(guān)于婚姻你不能不知的事

珍娜·麥卡錫

0:11

Every year in the United States alone, 2,077,000 couples make a legal and spiritual decision to spend the rest of their lives together ... (Laughter) and not to have sex with anyone else, ever. He buys a ring, she buys a dress. They go shopping for all sorts of things. She takes him to Arthur Murray for ballroom dancing lessons. And the big day comes. And they'll stand before God and family and some guy her dad once did business with, and they'll vow that nothing, not abject poverty, not life-threatening illness, not complete and utter misery will ever put the tiniest damper on their eternal love and devotion.

每年，僅僅在美國(guó) 就有207萬(wàn)7000對(duì)情侶 在法律上和精神上決定 與對(duì)方共度一生 (笑聲) 而且不搞外遇絕不 他買好戒指，她購(gòu)入婚紗 他們一起置辦 各種東西 她帶他去Arthur Murray舞蹈教室上課 學(xué)跳交際舞 之后喜事來(lái)臨 他們?cè)谥骱图胰说囊娮C下 還包括她父親曾經(jīng)的生意伙伴 他們發(fā)誓，無(wú)論何事 無(wú)論是一貧如洗還是身患絕癥 抑或是遭遇徹頭徹尾的苦難 都絲毫不會(huì)影響 他們永恒的愛與忠誠(chéng)。

1:07

(Laughter)

1:09

These optimistic young bastards promise to honor and cherish each other through hot flashes and mid-life crises and a cumulative 50-lb. weight gain, until that far-off day when one of them is finally able to rest in peace. You know, because they can't hear the snoring anymore. And then they'll get stupid drunk and smash cake in each others' faces and do the "Macarena," and we'll be there showering them with towels and toasters and drinking their free booze and throwing birdseed at them every single time -- even though we know, statistically, half of them will be divorced within a decade.

這些樂觀年輕的混蛋們 許諾尊重并珍惜彼此 從新婚 到中年危機(jī) 到持續(xù)增加50磅的體重(45斤) 直到在遙遠(yuǎn)未來(lái)的某一天 兩人中的一個(gè) 終于得以安息 因?yàn)樗麄冊(cè)僖猜牪坏綄?duì)方的鼾聲了 他們會(huì)喝的得醉醺醺 向?qū)Ψ綌S蛋糕，唱瑪卡雷娜二重唱 我們也會(huì)在場(chǎng) 一次次舉杯慶賀 狂飲免費(fèi)酒水 向他們?nèi)峪B食 我們一貫如此 即使我們知道 統(tǒng)計(jì)表明 一半以上的婚姻維持不到10年。

1:54

(Laughter)

1:57

Of course, the other half won't, right? They'll keep forgetting anniversaries and arguing about where to spend holidays and debating which way the toilet paper should come off of the roll. And some of themwill even still be enjoying each others' company when neither of them can chew solid food anymore.

當(dāng)然，另一半婚姻尚未終結(jié)，對(duì)不對(duì)? 他們會(huì)一直忘記紀(jì)念日 為去哪兒度假而爭(zhēng)吵 互相爭(zhēng)辯 廁紙 該按什么方向擺 他們中的一些人 也會(huì)一直享受有對(duì)方的陪伴 知道牙齒松動(dòng)嚼不動(dòng)固體食物。

2:20

And researchers want to know why. I mean, look, it doesn't take a double-blind, placebo-controlled studyto figure out what makes a marriage not work. Disrespect, boredom, too much time on Facebook, having sex with other people. But you can have the exact opposite of all of those things -- respect, excitement, a broken Internet connection, mind-numbing monogamy -- and the thing still can go to hell in a hand basket. So what's going on when it doesn't? What do the folks who make it all the way to side-by-side burial plots have in common? What are they doing right? What can we learn from them? And if you're still happily sleeping solo, why should you stop what you're doing and make it your life's work to find that one special person that you can annoy for the rest of your life?

研究人員希望知道原因 這并不需要一個(gè)雙盲的對(duì)照組研究 來(lái)破解婚姻失敗的秘密 互不尊重、厭倦 沉迷Facebook(臉書網(wǎng)站) 搞外遇 你也可以舉出上述所有的反義詞 互相尊重、新鮮刺激 斷網(wǎng) 麻木的一夫一妻制 但還是搞砸了 所以維系婚姻的究竟是什么? 那些成功攜手 生同衾、死同穴的伴侶 有何共通點(diǎn)? 他們做對(duì)了哪些? 我們能從中學(xué)到什么? 如果你是個(gè)快樂的單身貴族 為什么一定要放棄現(xiàn)在的生活 而畢生投入于找尋那個(gè)特別的人 那個(gè)你一輩子都覺得很煩的人?

3:20

Well researchers spend billions of your tax dollars trying to figure that out. They stalk blissful couples and they study their every move and mannerism. And they try to pinpoint what it is that sets them apart from their miserable neighbors and friends. And it turns out, the success stories share a few similarities,actually, beyond they don't have sex with other people.

研究人員花費(fèi)了幾十億納稅人的錢 來(lái)尋找原因 他們跟蹤調(diào)查美滿的婚姻 他們研究夫妻間的所有行為和特殊習(xí)慣 他們嘗試精確定位 幸福的夫妻不同于 不幸的鄰居朋友們的所有不同之處 結(jié)果發(fā)現(xiàn) 成功的婚姻 的確有一些相似之處 而不僅僅是不搞外遇。

3:45

For instance, in the happiest marriages, the wife is thinner and better looking than the husband.(Laughter) Obvious, right. It's obvious that this leads to marital bliss because, women, we care a great deal about being thin and good looking, whereas men mostly care about sex ... ideally with women who are thinner and better looking than they are. The beauty of this research though is that no one is suggesting that women have to be thin to be happy; we just have to be thinner than our partners. So instead of all that laborious dieting and exercising, we just need to wait for them to get fat, maybe bake a few pies. This is good information to have, and it's not that complicated.

比如說(shuō)，在幸福的婚姻里 妻子都比丈夫要苗條好看 (笑聲) 明顯正確 很明顯這一點(diǎn)是婚姻幸福的原因 因?yàn)榕硕己芸粗?身材和美貌 男人大多在乎性 最好是跟 比他們苗條好看的女人 這項(xiàng)研究的妙處在于 沒有人在暗示說(shuō) 女人要瘦才會(huì)快樂 只要比伴侶瘦一點(diǎn)兒就行 這樣就不用艱苦鍛煉 勉強(qiáng)節(jié)食 我們只要等著自己的男人發(fā)福就好 也許再多烤幾個(gè)派 這是很好的消息 也不復(fù)雜

4:32

Research also suggests that the happiest couples are the ones that focus on the positives. For example, the happy wife. Instead of pointing out her husband's growing gut or suggesting he go for a run, she might say, "Wow, honey, thank you for going out of your way to make me relatively thinner." These are couples who can find good in any situation. "Yeah, it was devastating when we lost everything in that fire,but it's kind of nice sleeping out here under the stars, and it's a good thing you've got all that body fat to keep us warm."

研究也顯示 幸福的夫妻 聚焦于事物的積極一面 比如說(shuō)，一個(gè)幸福的妻子 不會(huì)指責(zé)丈夫腰圍漸粗 也不會(huì)建議他出去跑步 她很可能會(huì)說(shuō) “寶貝，謝謝你已經(jīng)開始努力 讓我相對(duì)更苗條。” 這些夫妻能夠在任何情況下都找到好的一面 “這可真是太慘了 我們?cè)诨馂?zāi)中失去了一切 不過(guò)在滿天星斗下熟睡也是一樁美事 而且你剛好還有足夠的脂肪 讓我們保暖。”

5:08

One of my favorite studies found that the more willing a husband is to do house work, the more attractive his wife will find him. Because we needed a study to tell us this. But here's what's going on here. The more attractive she finds him, the more sex they have; the more sex they have, the nicer he is to her; the nicer he is to her, the less she nags him about leaving wet towels on the bed -- and ultimately, they live happily ever after. In other words, men, you might want to pick it up a notch in the domestic department.

我尤其喜歡的一項(xiàng)研究發(fā)現(xiàn) 丈夫越愿意做家務(wù) 妻子就覺得他越迷人 因?yàn)槲覀冎鴮?shí)需要有項(xiàng)研究來(lái)告訴我們這個(gè)結(jié)論 然后我們有以下推理 妻子越覺得丈夫有吸引力，就會(huì)有越多性愛 他們有越多性愛，丈夫就對(duì)妻子越好 丈夫?qū)ζ拮釉胶?妻子就越少嘮叨丈夫把濕毛巾扔在床上 最終，他們一直幸福地生活在一起 換句話說(shuō)，男人們也許應(yīng)該 在家里多干點(diǎn)活兒了

5:42

Here's an interesting one. One study found that people who smile in childhood photographs are less likely to get a divorce. This is an actual study, and let me clarify. The researchers were not looking at documented self-reports of childhood happiness or even studying old journals. The data were based entirely on whether people looked happy in these early pictures. Now I don't know how old all of you are,but when I was a kid, your parents took pictures with a special kind of camera that held something called film, and, by God, film was expensive. They didn't take 300 shots of you in that rapid-fire digital video mode and then pick out the nicest, smileyest one for the Christmas card. Oh no. They dressed you up, they lined you up, and you smiled for the fucking camera like they told you to or you could kiss your birthday party goodbye. But still, I have a huge pile of fake happy childhood pictures and I'm glad they make me less likely than some people to get a divorce.

另一項(xiàng)有趣的研究 發(fā)現(xiàn) 在童年時(shí)期的照片里笑著的人 離婚率較低 這是一項(xiàng)真實(shí)的研究 讓我解釋一下 研究人員并不是 看文字記錄的童年幸福記錄 或者從前的日記之類 數(shù)據(jù)全部來(lái)源于 人們是不是看上去高興 顯示在這些早年的照片中 我不清楚在座各位的年齡 但當(dāng)我還是小孩兒時(shí) 家長(zhǎng)拍照用的是一種特殊的相機(jī) 里面裝著一種叫膠卷的東西 天哪，膠卷這玩意兒真是貴 他們可不是拍上300張 用那種數(shù)碼錄像的幀數(shù)速度 然后再挑上一張最漂亮的，笑得最好的照片 放在圣誕卡上 哦不是的 他們把你打扮好，排上隊(duì) 然后叫你沖著相機(jī)笑要不然生日派對(duì)直接結(jié)束 即使這樣，我也有一大堆 假裝幸福的童年照片 我很慶幸這些照片讓我看起來(lái) 不那么容易離婚

6:49

So what else can you do to safeguard your marriage? Do not win an Oscar for best actress. (Laughter)I'm serious. Bettie Davis, Joan Crawford, Hallie Berry, Hillary Swank, Sandra Bullock, Reese Witherspoon, all of them single soon after taking home that statue. They actually call it the Oscar curse. It is the marriage kiss of death and something that should be avoided.

你還能做什么 來(lái)守衛(wèi)你的婚姻? 不要去贏奧斯卡影后 (笑聲) 我是認(rèn)真的 貝蒂.戴維斯、瓊.克勞馥、哈利.貝瑞、希拉里.斯旺克、 桑德拉.布洛克、瑞茜.威瑟斯彭、 她們所有人 在把小金人帶回家后不久都成了單身 真的有種說(shuō)法叫“奧斯卡詛咒” 這是婚姻的死亡之吻 應(yīng)該極力避免

7:15

And it's not just successfully starring in films that's dangerous. It turns out, merely watching a romantic comedy causes relationship satisfaction to plummet. (Laughter) Apparently, the bitter realization that maybe it could happen to us, but it obviously hasn't and it probably never will, makes our lives seem unbearably grim in comparison. And theoretically, I suppose if we opt for a film where someone gets brutally murdered or dies in a fiery car crash, we are more likely to walk out of that theater feeling like we've got it pretty good.

在電影里成功飾演角色 不是唯一危險(xiǎn)的 研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，只是看一部浪漫喜劇 就能導(dǎo)致婚姻關(guān)系滿意度直線下降(笑聲) 很明顯，苦澀地意識(shí)到 片中故事有可能是真的 但尚未也很可能永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)發(fā)生在自己身上 這種認(rèn)識(shí)更加突顯了人生不能承受之殤 人比人，氣死人 理論上說(shuō) 假設(shè)我們選擇看一部電影，角色被殘忍的殺害 或者死于慘烈的交通事故 我們走出電影院時(shí) 感覺可能還相當(dāng)好

7:53

Drinking alcohol, it seems, is bad for your marriage. Yeah. I can't tell you anymore about that onebecause I stopped reading it at the headline. But here's a scary one: Divorce is contagious. That's right -- when you have a close couple friend split up, it increases your chances of getting a divorce by 75 percent. Now I have to say, I don't get this one at all. My husband and I have watched quite a few friends divide their assets and then struggle with being our age and single in an age of sexting and Viagra and eHarmony. And I'm thinking they've done more for my marriage than a lifetime of therapy ever could.

飲酒似乎是 對(duì)婚姻不利的 是的 我沒什么可告訴你們的 因?yàn)?這篇文章)我讀到標(biāo)題就不讀了 這還有一條可怕的 離婚會(huì)傳染 沒錯(cuò) 如果你的好朋友分手了 你自己離婚的可能性 會(huì)增加75% 這條一點(diǎn)兒也不適用于我自己 我丈夫和我 目睹了一些朋友分家產(chǎn) 掙扎著生活 在我們這個(gè)年齡獨(dú)身 在這個(gè)充斥色情短信和偉哥的時(shí)代 還有相親網(wǎng)站 我卻覺得這些朋友(的經(jīng)歷)對(duì)于我自己婚姻的幫助 比終身治療的幫助還要大

8:40

So now you may be wondering, why does anyone get married ever? Well the U.S. federal governmentcounts more than a thousand legal benefits to being someone's spouse -- a list that includes visitation rights in jail, but hopefully you'll never need that one. But beyond the profound federal perks, married people make more money. We're healthier, physically and emotionally. We produce happier, more stableand more successful kids. We have more sex than our supposedly swinging single friends -- believe it or not. We even live longer, which is a pretty compelling argument for marrying someone you like a lot in the first place.

你們可能會(huì)問 人們?yōu)槭裁匆Y(jié)婚? 美國(guó)聯(lián)邦政府 列舉出上千條法律上的 結(jié)成配偶的好處 包括監(jiān)獄探視權(quán)但愿大家永遠(yuǎn)別用到這一條 除了各種各樣的政策福利 已婚人士收入更高 更健康 無(wú)論是肉體上還是精神上生養(yǎng)更快樂、情緒更穩(wěn)定 更成功的下一代 已婚人士有更多性愛 比起他們看似放縱的單身朋友 信不信由你已婚人士更長(zhǎng)壽 這是個(gè)很有力的理由 用來(lái)結(jié)婚 但前提是你要非常喜歡你的對(duì)象

9:29

Now if you're not currently experiencing the joy of the joint tax return, I can't tell you how to find a chore-loving person of the approximately ideal size and attractiveness who prefers horror movies and doesn't have a lot of friends hovering on the brink of divorce, but I can only encourage you to try, because the benefits, as I've pointed out, are significant. The bottom line is, whether you're in it or you're searching for it, I believe marriage is an institution worth pursuing and protecting. So I hope you'll use the information I've given you today to weigh your personal strengths against your own risk factors.

如果你目前沒有享受到 聯(lián)合納稅申報(bào)的喜悅 我無(wú)法告訴你如何找到一個(gè)熱愛家務(wù)的人 有著近乎理想的身材和吸引力 愛看恐怖電影 又沒有太多身處離婚危險(xiǎn)的朋友 我只能鼓勵(lì)你去積極嘗試 因?yàn)榫腿缥覄倓傊赋龅慕Y(jié)婚好處多多 關(guān)鍵在于，無(wú)論你已婚還是在尋找姻緣 我相信婚姻制度 都是值得施行和維護(hù)的 希望大家能用上今天我提供的信息 來(lái)?yè)P(yáng)長(zhǎng)避短 來(lái)?yè)P(yáng)長(zhǎng)避短

10:07

For instance, in my marriage, I'd say I'm doing okay. One the one hand, I have a husband who's annoyingly lean and incredibly handsome. So I'm obviously going to need fatten him up. And like I said, we have those divorced friends who may secretly or subconsciously be trying to break us up. So we have to keep an eye on that. And we do like a cocktail or two. On the other hand, I have the fake happy picture thing. And also, my husband does a lot around the house, and would happily never see another romantic comedy as long as he lives.

譬如我自己 我的婚姻還不錯(cuò) 但是 我丈夫苗條地讓人羨慕嫉妒恨 還無(wú)可救藥的帥 顯然我要趕緊讓他發(fā)福 我也說(shuō)過(guò)，我們有那些離了婚的朋友 心懷不軌或是無(wú)意識(shí)地 要拆散我們 我們得小心了 我們也喜歡來(lái)一兩杯不過(guò) 我有那些假裝高興的照片 而我丈夫做很多家務(wù) 也絕對(duì)樂意 永遠(yuǎn)不看愛情喜劇

10:45

So I've got all those things going for me. But just in case, I plan to work extra hard to not win an Oscar anytime soon. And for the good of your relationships, I would encourage you to do the same. I'll see you at the bar.

所以形勢(shì)于我還是有利的 不過(guò)要以防萬(wàn)一 我要加倍努力 絕對(duì)不要拿到小金人 為了你們自己的婚姻 我鼓勵(lì)你們也這樣做 我們酒吧見。